Romance / Stranger In The Shadow (Analysis)
In a shadow is where I laid next to you, thinking of you as if you weren’t there. Time in its essence slowed down for me, allowed me to see you. Time gave me a moment with you, to touch you, to watch you to re-live all I had for you. How do I tell you this, where would I even began. Circumstance, time and the unknown dictates fate. I lay next to you in this shadow and envelope myself in the thought of what connecting with you would be like, how intense, how shallow. Seldom do we get to meet someone that possess the ability to convey or even comprehend the complexities about you or at best themselves. I laid there in the shadows and thought about that over and over again failing at all attempts to convince myself what I was feeling was an exaggeration. D…Damn,I can’t do it, I won’t do it. The different variations of tones and pitches that lay patiently along the walls on my vocal cords won’t eloquently fuse together to make the thorough sound of speech for me it usually does so effortlessly. The very thought of opening my mouth to say the words that sit on my chest like a ton weight makes it even more harder to talk. So, I lay there next to you audibly silent, screaming out for you to know, to hear me, to possibly even feel the same. Instead you peacefully sleep to the unknown stranger in the shadow.
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What I liked about this was that with the way it was written it was almost more poetry than prose. The narrator expresses the frustration of being able to speak, to convey, to the beloved the nature of their feelings. It expresses nicely how hard it is to speak out what we feel for someone, for whatever the reason—fear of being rejectd, fear of feeling foolish, or just plain fear.
Most of the grammar okay. Might take a look at some of your punctuation that’s missing. What I noticed right away was the “someone that possess the ability” should be someone that possesses the ability”. Also “like a ton weight” is awkward or a mistake—”like a ton of weight” could be used.
Interesting piece
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