Poetry / Essential Elements

A wonderful piece of work! I liked the easy flow of the words and the vision this piece evokes from the reader! Well Done! Thanks so much for sharing this!

Please consider revision in using the word “and”, as it profoundly stands out.

Tell me, what the “matter” is…I like the use of quotations here signifying “matter” as subjective and not objective in the piece.  It creates personalization.
That fills up empty space…maybe your empty space fits better, unless of course the “matter” is effecting everyone and their space.

Holding the orbs and golden spheres…beautiful concept although we both know orbs travel where they like and what could possibly have power enough to halt their journey?

That distant things attracts…attract?

actual fact?...very clevery written and exact!
And, air!—Thin air  Thin air!
It slips through grasping hands…intelligent section follows here-Grand.  

I faint to understand…or too faint to understand?
Brilliantly romantic and very rare.  Thank you for this humble opportunity, and I am sure with a father like you…well-you know.

Although I come to this elegant verse with the default view of modern romance (issued to all those under 20 in 1995) – that is – moribund and unobtainable, the poem ignites a spark within me.

Not, alas, a spark of maturity… I fear although I write with the outlook of one burnt in love’s fires, of one who has learnt of its pratfalls and pitfalls, I am still a slave to its charms. The first stanza is a beautiful philosophical musing… it almost calls to mind some of the simple love laments of Scots bard Robert Burns, albeit written with the down-to-earth view of one with his head in the stars.

To the modern world, the suggestion of love’s arrows being fired from the same source which shot the universe into life is looked upon with doubtful scorn. This, of course, leaves those souls unable to appreciate the elegiac marvel of this ‘unseen power and mystery,’ and which will leave those who do not seek to be loved in their prisons of solitude.

You draw a marvellous distinction between the cold logic of the universe and the inexplicable forces which govern love. Although I have never been pulled through these patches of gravitational wonderment, a poem like this makes me want to hold on for these ‘essential elements’ to arrive at some time and lift me from the dizzying chaos of the cosmos.

I suspect this poem is also part religious allegory… the parallels between the love of God are also mirrored to that of those we face upon his creation. Although I am irreligious (forgive me), these parallels are drawn beautifully.

This is the poem I would like recited that afternoon we meet on Mt O’Pompous. I am sure I would thence be moved to a far nicer pedestal.

Thank you for your wisdom and your deeply enriching words.

Claire_D

This is beautiful, and the rhyming is delightful in it’s depth.  The ‘unseen’ theme throughout is whittled in various ways to be applicable, yet distinct, descriptions, which works well in this piece.  
My one complaint: In the ‘air/eagle’ stanza, you have spent time describing what air, which we cannot grasp, may do.  Then in the sparrow stanza it feels as though you’re going back over and simplifying what you’re already said in a very beautiful, clear way, so I think it’s an unnecessary stanza.  While I like the comparative ability between the two, I think without the eagle stanza, it would have more of an impact, but I think the eagle stanza is stronger, overall, than the sparrow stanza.  
Like I said, though, I found this beautiful and related it to a variety of aspects that can fall along similar descriptive lines.  It got me thinking, and considering, which is always a good response to a piece.  Nicely done.