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Short Story / The Plight of Alex (Analysis)
Many years have been spent in Tupelo, MS. It’s February 14, 2008 and the city is booming! The sound of growth fills the present air. One has asked “where will tomorrow take us?” A candian friend tells me that in a year the city will be totally different with all the industry moving in, especially the building of Toyota in the area.
I often remember the artistry here. Whether it be lyrical, musical or even theatrical. Moments have been lived in an omniniscent way. Whistles are still remembered as if done by a chior and the stars have fallen as if the first innocent snow. I remember that moment of truth where love was truly first met. I give in to that moment of wanting to be once again who it is I am meant to be and remembers all those things unremembered that seem to have taken and clipped the wings of survival. Most of all, after spending a great deal of time with a good friend from the past. A writer as well at a poetry festival that I hosted three years ago in Tupelo, Ms, I listened to Alexandria. Since that moment a great deal of time has been spent writing and observing and researching and believing in “me” once again.
Alex speaks out and invites many that she cares deeply for, to just continue with the inspiration and to please understand where the next breath takes her. Why, because sometimes that is all one needs, to know there is purpose. A purpose for all in this journey of being. Alex through many events has found purpose and chooses to no longer run in the midst of every storm that disturbs her being. Tonight she awaits answers as to the code of life, love and all of our tomorrows. Today, moments are spent more on writing in regards to Alexandria.
The year of 2007 and 2008, Iraq, Afghanistan and just the mere acceptance of war and children dying cause Alex to nearly lay back and give up. Her twenty three year old son could possibly end up there again soon. How terrible it is to see the loss of youth. Alex sits in her blue pajama’s, soft blue material and snow penguins arranged in all directions. She had stood moments earlier in the afternoon looking at what is left of the first and most likely last snow she may see again for years. That seems to be the way weather is in northern Mississippi.
Sunset is meeting darkness as Alex takes a blanket and walks out her front door into the chill of the night.She kneels beneath the present stars and she speaks to them as if maybe this is her last moment of love or of her last belief in love. Her smile is not present, the bags beneath her eyes speak of loss of sleep. She speaks, so earnestly, to the one truly listening. All others at this point seemed so distant, standoffish and she had to have the one that was always there. So she fell upon her knees and she cried to all that is above and asks, ”Why? Why should I once again suffer these moments. Why is it that all I see is that, one love, to exist just can’t be easy? Is it that love is never easy. Why is it when I cry, I am just crying?” Silently she sits for at least a half an our. Her body shivers as rising to return indoors, to her candle lit office where the aroma of oatmean cookies from the candle enticed her to sit quietly and write. Moments passed of nothing except writing. She leans forward, reaching for the remote, to click a button that would play that song once more, by Willie Nelson, “Moment of Forever”. I watch her throw a pen against the wall in front of her and wonder. Where will her writing take us all? I see the frown and her tears. It seems so easy watching, especially when you are the one writing for those exact moments, when you are trying to understand the meaning of what today creates and shall be, no matter what each feels.
The day has been gorgeous as well as busy for Alex. Another day in the world of Greek, Italian and entertainment…. as well as learning has just ended and as finally deciding that a glass of wine or two would be perfect before going to the gym, Alex strides softly to the lounge. No bartender, where is Jessica? After looking into the kitchen Alex notices all the activity outside where Papa’s Pavillion was being created. As walking out trying to be careful to stay out of the way she catches a glimpse of the bartendar and says, hey girl, I want a Chianti, the House is fine. Jessica smiles and says ok, repeats the request and heads inside to where the wines are kept. Alex squinches her glistening eyes from the bright sunlight, as seeing Jessica’s mom. ...Jessica says ” hey mom,” here is Alex, she’ll have a smoke with you. Alex lit a marlboro light and enjoyed the conversation with Jessica’s mom, Ann. Then sat for a few moments to relax and drink the glass of Chianti. As finishing her wine she said her goodbyes and left for the evening.
As walking in the parking lot to get into her car Alex noticed a motorcycle next to her car on the passenger side. It was E J. She walked over to speak to him. Her face lit up and she smiled as if she had just hit an overdue jackpot. E J placed his hands on both cheeks and kissed her lips. Then explained, “I can only see you for a few minutes. I have to get back home. I was just out riding and ended up here.”
Alex lost the smile quickly. She spoke a few words and got into her car driving off quickly.
The Traffic was so very busy! The JVC system in her car is blaring…as pulling out quickly into the center lane Alex looks back for E J on his Kawasaki 750. The work day had been over for approximately an hour for her and plans on visiting the gym crossed her mind. After seeing E J she turned the car in the direction of home.
Seventyfive is noticed on the spedometer as the wind blowing against her forehead settles the thoughts of just driving off leaving E J sitting on his Kawasaki 750 and Alex prays that he realizes why she left. Although, men can’t or wait, they just can’t read a womans mind. Why show up? Alex speaks to herself as driving. “Why show up and then say goodbye in the same sentence?” Time together was not something Alex and E J was allowed much of. E J lived with someone and he had a daughter that was away in college. Alex just could not grasp why he lived with someone he did not love and treated him badly. It just made no sense at all.
Alex continued her drive home hitting eighty and turning the volume up on the radio as if to drowned out her own thoughts of why E J could not stay for more than a minute.
Press four if you need technical support.
America connect…forty six minute wait time! Alex thinks that’s ok. If I have to wait that long, there are some other things she can be doing. An itch is a distraction, so is whether or not that technical guy is there waiting to discuss one of those internet frustrations.?
Writing is a passion and Alex has given all the present moments alone, to the higher power. All that is needed is for her to get out what is suppose to be said.
Alex sits in the shadows of the candle lit office where the majority of her writing takes place. With pen in hand she listens to his voice, E. J. Dickle, friend, confidant and one that Alex is quite smitten by. Hours are being spent ..talking, listening and embracing a relationship growing stronger and deeper, each and every time they speak. Alex reaches to adjust the volume of the speaker phone.. as listening to E. J asking, “If we just toss away the love, what about the friendship?” Tears stream her cheeks as recalling the week before, when sharing a quiet Sunday evening alone together with E J. Alex wishes him to never know where those tears that stain her soul take her. All of the conversations regarding --the code--meaning all those rules and truths of moments spent in the last eighteen months,
Alex and E. J. felt their meeting was due to a great power. A power greater that each knew well because of how they both were reared. Never had either of them, however, ever experienced the connection shared in a relationship.
Alex rubs her eyes knowing she has to overcome this moment, so she becomes stern and as a matter of fact… in conversation explaining she really had deadlines for work she must meet. We will have this conversation in person, that way you can’t hang up!, she hears …as the tears fall more vibrantly. Alex says good night in that soft sweet voice she always speaks and gently replaces the phone to it’s cradle.
Desperately she tries to complete her assignment for writing class as she sees Matt’s blanket. High school colors, maroon and white with his football number “23” and “NA” (school abbreviation).. embroidered brightly on the bottom Alex grabs the blanket, spreading it across her legs and rest beneath the bay window. As Alex pulls the blanket upward.. hugging it as if it were Matt, she reminieces.. the talks they use to have before he joined the Army. How understanding different scenarios always seemed to find way to peace. Tonight Alex clings to his blanket… as the realization of her son being sent away farther than he was at the present. Matt too, while away from home was suffering the ache of heartbreak.
Alex begins speaking softly, almost a whisper as looking upward, as if someone unseen was with her. She pulls the blanket closer to her bosom …crying and asking “Shall I just walk away? What must I do with all that is left of me? What do I do with all the possibilities? What about E.J’s daughter, she had become the young life saver of paternal instinct?” E. J. has grasped and held on to all that was worth living for her. Alex can still see E. J. speaking of the broken home, the physical abuse and abandonment his daughter had endured from her mom. She remembers how as a toddler, E.J. spoke with tears of his own…”that little girl (Kristina) saved my life”!
Alex began to drift off to sleep as noticing the candles dancing aimlessly on her desk, her pen still in hand. She arises from the chair blowing the candle out. She glances at the time, 1:04 am. She begins turning off lights as her cell phone rings and there is a knock at the door. E J is calling. She answers and he tells her to come to the door. E J and Kristina are standing there. E J carries a bag of cd’s and a bottle of George Dickle and by the looks of him does not need anymore alcohol. Alex and her guests sit, she feeds Kristina and the small talk continues between Kristina and Alex. Kristina soon is tired, so Alex leads her to a spare bedroom where she can sleep. Returning to the living room E J pulls Alex close and attempts to kiss her lips. Alex turns to where the smell of whiskey isn’t so loud. E J is offended and asks, “Had you rather us go to a hotel?” Alex replies, “No, of course not, but it’s late and I’m tired.” E J pleads for Alex to talk to him, tell him what is keeping them apart. Alex looks into E J’s eyes, saying, “You are what is keeping us a part.” He doesn’t seem to understand and under the circumstance Alex replies, “This, in NOT the time to discuss it.” Alex heads to her bedroom, leaving E J sitting on a bar stool. As she laid in her bed, he was there lying beside her pulling her close and holding her tight until sleep found them both.
The evening sun had once again set and still, there was nothing, no word from E J for weeks.
Considering the days work, the meeting with her father and the moments at hand.There was no one there for Alex. The evening has become something that Alex couldn’t take alone. She packed the nissan with food and drink and notebooks and pens and all the memories that were tearing her apart inside. All those fears, those dreams, those moments in time she’d lost. Well no matter all of that, she headed for Bear Creek Mound. Bear Creek Mound was a square, flat-topped mound built in stages for ceremonial or elite residential use sometime between 1100 and 1300 A.D., during the Mississippian period. Burned daub (mud plaster used in building construction) found on the mound during archeological excavation indicates the former presence of a temple or chief’s house.At and was atleast an hour away. Alex had spent unforgettable moments with E J. there. She speaks of “The Kiss” in her letters and how the moment removed everything except the two of them being all that existed. She had found so much there that day with him. An eternal moment never to be destroyed from anything or anyone other than God himself or would it be destroyed by him. There were stories there, love was known there and all of her tomorrows have began there. Her only question is…who will be there with her as she struggles to finally tell him she is pregnant with his child?
A blanket is lowered,beneath a sky filled with stars. The entire galaxy twinkles and she feels as if they speak of much hope of all tomorrows. The wind has died from days past and the fresh air reminded Alex of honeysuckle and lilac,the smell of yesterdays forgotten. Tonight she felt his arms. although he wasn’t there. Tonight she hoped to at least accomplish that writing needing to be done. After all,writing is one of her deepest passions. Writing still is her hearts desire, the one thing no one has ever been able to destroy! Alex use to tell me, “if my words can’t be spoken and penned onto elegant paper, then all she feels and has experienced will never be known or understood by those that her life stands for and loves. Especially E J. They had spent a little over an hour here at Bear Creek Mound. E J was her anchor, as she climbed the height of the mound, as well as when they retreated to the bottom as Alex was preparing to leave in the days past. His touch is remembered and she closes her eyes as her golden bangs fall forward in her eyes. How he’d pushed her hair out of her face so he could look into the depths of blue. Her eyes. She writes often of E. J saying, “Your eyes tell me everything you think and feel. How at this moment she wished E J to be there with her. It all seemed so fitting, their talks, their touch, that kiss that removed all that could tear them apart. Tonight even though the heavens reminded her of their love for the other,he was miles away. Was he spending moments trying to resolve the caous or was he sitting, listening to music with Alex on his mind..just trying to figure out what he must do next? Did he love her enough and did he dare risk what he had now for the love that was true?
Alex sits on the blanket and she gazes from above the mound and she sees him….standing there before her and she recalls his words…Just win the lottery! Where does that kind of statement come from in a time of love. Do we become so addicted to the fact that money takes us places or do we come to the conclusion that we just can’t survive without it when love is involved? Sometimes, fact is, that with many the money is all that is important. Can’t we succeed with only love? That is still Alex’s belief. That when love is real, all else can fall into place. After all, Love truly is the greatest gift of all!
The sound of something startles Alex as lost in thought of her writing, she turns and sees a fawn and she watches as she remembers gulumphing. The fawn being playful as if hopping toward a new journey. She smiles at the beauty of youth once again and wonders if there is a place she can find the youth lost so long ago? With that memory, once again E J flaunts her being,as in her minds eye his form and laughter appear so vividly. and hears him saying, “I’d be standing back pining cause you would have never paid attention to me!” How wrong he would have been. He is all she ever dreamed of when it came to love, honor and all the no, no’s!
The chill of the night and the knowing that it is at least an hour drive back home, awakens Alex from moments of thought and writing. Still she wishes to stay in this place that brought moments of happiness. She looks out into darkeness from the top of the mound and speaks softly,”can I take this happiness back and keep it always?” She stands on the mound, a place a where two spirits became one. Her’s and E J’s. Alex lingers there a few moments longer and asks “how else could such a relationship be so sacred and not be tossed off of a place so spiritual?” She gathers her blanket and notebook and remembers the anchor that escorted her beneath the incline of the mound days before and tears begin to form cause he isn’t there now.
Alex sits in her car letting it warm and she sees E J. Only his image was the memory of him watching and she remembers once again the kiss that could have been everlasting! She remembers the tugging of her heart to just,please allow him to love you! She remembers how neither wanted the moments to end but to allow them to expand and blossom into what was intended. However, as time permits, other avenues must be entertained. So she puts the car in drive and heads out in the dark of night back home seeing the danger of life for a motorcyclist at night on the trace! Deer and curves and darkness! At least the scenery is dark and the Tenn Tom bridge that she must cross will not distract or cause the palms to become sweaty and white. Cause her mind is on him and there is nothing ahead but darkness!
The Unexpected
Mother nature and old man winter must be battling for the season. The day had been pleasant, the temp in the mid-sixties. The sun was warming my presence earlier in the afternoon. Now the night air was creating quite the chill as getting out of my car to meet Alex on the mound. The moon furnished plenty of light for the evening as I walked toward the mound that has to be at least ten foot high.
I saw Alex sitting at the top with a blanket and the sound of music was at her side coming from a small cd player. She wore a soft shade of blue sweater with a collar that draped in the front and covered the back of her neck. Her summer blonde hair covered each shoulders and it shined beneath the glow of the moon. Willie Nelson was singing “Getting Over You Again”, as I sat beside her. She looked my way as wiping a few small tears from her cheek. I sat facing her on the blanket she had spread across the a small area of the mound.
Hi Alex, how are you? She smiled a half smile and replied, “I’m not the best, Actually, I am at my worst!” ”I’ve really made a mess of things with E J. ” “I can still see him standing down there” pointing toward where the pavement curved along a small patch of grass. I can still feel that last kiss and I can still see him watching me as I pull away” Alexes’ body trembles as she continues speaking. I interrupt her in mid-sentence. Alex wait, I can see something has really upset you. Why did I need a tape recorder? Alex looks away and then looks up at the moon.She speaks boldly, ” I need to say some things and I need you to record it and keep it for me for a while. ” I reach deep into my bag for the recorder. As turning it on. Alex reaches for my hand and says, “wait” “Please never share what you record with anyone, unless something were to happen to me.” I turn off the recorder, looking into her deep blue eyes, Alex please, you are causing concern here. Alex stood and walked to the edge of the mound. I followed. She stares across the horizon and ask me to turn the recorder on and begins speaking. ”This is to E J.” As I listen to her words my heart aches. I’d never heard someone express their feelings so magically. She stops and asks me to flip the tape in the recorder. I eject the tape and turn it over. She looks at me, saying “You are my true friend and I am sorry that I have caused even you so much suffering. Please Forgive me.” I placed my arm around her neck squeezing and telling Alex that true friends suffer the pain of each other. Her limps quiver and says, “Turn it back on”. I press the button and what I heard her say crushed my heart. No longer did the chill in the air matter has she proclaimed peace and hope and all that was good in our daily lives. She spoke of the sun and oak and dog wood trees. She smiled at the thoughts of butterlies and the array of colors. She spoke of hummingbirds and the sound of water flowing through creeks. She explained how it felt to her when she could do something to create a smile in another. An hour had passed of her speaking. My hands had become numb from the cold as listening to her last words. ”All these things I wish for you my unborn child” She placed her finger on the stop button. Hugged my neck saying, “I really must go now, thank you so much” She ran down the mound nearly tumbling before reaching the bottom. I yelled for her to please stop as running down the behind her. Alex kept going. As I reached the bottom of the mound she was in her car and driving away. I just sat there, still unsure of what to do now. All she had said regarding E J and an unborn child. Quickly, I grab my bag searching for my cell phone. I dial her number only to find there is no service here. I find myself climbing to the top of the mound to retrieve the recorder, toss it in my bag and head back down the mound to my car. My mind was filled with many questions of the night as leaving Bear Creek Mound
Alex sat alone in the corner ordering the chef’s ribeye, baked potatoe and asparagus. She held a glass of water in her left hand as speaking to the waiter softly. He was tall, slender and she smiled as he teased her with thoughts of hot fudge brownies for dessert after her meal. Shane, he had introduced himself as taking our order. He then complimented on the radiance of her appearence and how blue her eyes were. Alex, blushed and said. “Thank you Shane.” He disappeared as quickly as he had appeared.
It had been at least two weeks since I’d talked to Alex. Since the night she just left me there at the mound. I’d thought of her often wondering if she was alright. Tonight she is radiant and quiet. I looked at her and ask,”What have you been doing Alex, you look well!” She responds first by saying she’d been packing her things to get ready for her move. I asked, “Where are you going?” Alex begins smiling, saying that she had found a small cabin in a city not far from a couple of friends in Petersburg, VA. She also explained that her Dad was helping her more than he ever had. I nearly dropped by margarita! Alex had not been close to her Dad in over a year. Although, I was happy to hear that they were speaking and he was helping her with the move.
I hesitated asking about the baby, however, this unborn child was the reason for her moving away.
Alex, what will you do with the baby? Why move away? Alex sat silent for a moment to finally explain “E J wants no part of this, he accused me of trapping him, accused me of trying to reck his life. He doesn’t believe me at all when it comes to my being with child! I don’t have the strength to fight him. I don’t feel I should have to. It’s just better if I make this move my friend.” She looked right into my eyes as saying, “if I survive this another child will not know his father.”
Shane returned with our food and we sat quietly, I’d not seen Alex eat so much as long as I’d known her! Laughing, I said, well one thing for sure is that you are eating for two! Alex laughed and continued eating. Shane returned as we both had pushed our plates to the side offering dessert. Alex chose to have that brownie ala mode. Two brownies, covered with ice cream, chocolate syrup drizzled over two browniess and ice cream and whip creame on top. Shane at Alex’s request dropped five cherries on top of the whip cream. I recalled craving cherries when expecting my first son. Amazing how pregnancy can change us as far as eating.I felt relieved knowing her appetite was good.
Alex rubbed her belly saying, “Lord why did I eat all that?” I smiled and replied, cause you were hungry? She replied yes, I felt as if I were starving. I paid the check and we left to just take a ride to a tour of azaelias, the sun was setting and the color of the blooms against the suns reflextion were gorgeous. Alex sat quietly for the first few moments just watching the scenes we passed by. Finally she asked me to pull over. I slowly pulled to the edge of the street, she opened the door and got out, walking toward an azaelia bush standing as tall as her entire 5ft of height. I got out and walked beside her. She looked at me saying “You know, I know I may not survive this, the baby may not survive either. Or it may and I won’t. If the baby does survive without me. I really want you to be it’s God Mother. I want you to really think about this. You are good inside and out and there isn’t anyone else I’d want my child to be around. I know you are so very loving!” Tears filled my eyes as listening to Alex speak and I felt as if there was this dreadful knowing of what was to come in the next eight months of her life. If there were that many months even left.
Alex got back in the car saying she really needed to get back to packing. I drove off with much on my mind and Alex sitting in the passenger seat without another spoken word, until we arrived at her home. She got out and said, “You are my only friend!”
Evenings beneath dark skies, watching stars from beneath magnolia trees, found in the middle of a pasture. Nearby, a small creek with tiny waterfalls gently flow. Alex lies on her back, on a quilt sewn by her grandmother over twenty years ago.She looks above, speaking with such a hush, Even angels above would have a hard time hearing the words she spoke.
I held in my hand the letter received from Alex earlier in the afternoon. That’s why I’m here. Alex’s words had me most concerned of her well being. Her words had me concerned as to the well being of E J and his daughter, of her mom and most of all her and her unborn child. I remember all our moments sharing the past. How she had been physically abused. in a past relationship and had suffered the early birth of a stillborn.She’d lost a daughter at six months, no one knew, other than the physician and his nurse. Alex spoke often of Sarah and how that one loss had changed so many of her beliefs. Alex has been advised by an OB Gyn, Dr. Ryan O’reilly that her living may cease with the birth of the child she carries at the moment. So I read her letters and listen to the recordings of all she has lived for the last couple of decades.
I listen to her speak of days to come when she is gone and all her dreams and wishes of tomorrow.
Alex sits with her grandmothers quilt draped across her knees as leaning against the magnolia tree. She holds a dandelion in her hand twirling it between two fingers and looking off into the orange and purple sunset lowering beneath white clouds. A half smile forms as she bites her bottom lip.She rests her right arm across her abdomen. She slowly caresses her stomach with her hand as her smile grows and her blue eyes glisten with the remainder of the sun. She speaks as lowering her head closer to her abdomen. “You will appear as a glistening in a night and again tomorrow will come until the moment the light stops shining and I will leave you until once again the light shines infinitely. I love you my child.” Alex snuggles into the quilt. watching the first falling star of spring.
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Shagybean2 reviewed Version 1 -
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imadogmaticone reviewed Version 1 -
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Alexandra1995 reviewed Version 1 -
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It was good.It seems like a great piece to publish from my opinion
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AstridM reviewed Version 1 -
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There are several grammar and punctuation problems that stick out. You’ve got problems with verb tenses being used incorrectly, and you switch tenses several times throughout. Also brush up on punctuation rules, especially for comma use and quotations.
Watch out for sentence fragments; I noticed several including:
Whether it be lyrical, musical or even theatrical.
Most of all, after spending a great deal of time with a good friend from the past.
That when love is real, all else can fall into place.
A purpose for all in this journey of being.
Elsewhere, your sentences are much more complicated than they need to be. Here’s an example: “Alex has been advised by an OB Gyn, Dr. Ryan O’reilly that her living may cease with the birth of the child she carries at the moment.” This could be much more concise, like “The doctor warned Alex that the baby might kill her”, or “The doctor warned she might die in childbirth.” You get the idea.
Hopefully other reviewers will give you some advice on the content of the story.
metaphoricalsimile reviewed Version 1 -
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Should “candian” be “Canadian?”
Should “omniniscent” be “omniscient?” Also, is this the correct word choice? Omniscient means “all knowing.” How is a moment lived in an omniscient way, when a person’s experience of life is by nature purely subjective and limited?
”...done by a chior…” should be “choir.”
”...and remembers all those…” should be “remember” as the subject of the verb is still “I.”
You have this section separated by a period, splitting into two sentences what should be left as one with the way you’ve currently worded it: ”...from the past, a writer as well, who I met at a poetry festival…” I added in the “who I met” in order to make the sentence make sense.
Instead of a comma you should use a colon here, ”...all one needs: to know there is purpose.”
“Pajamas” is a plural, and as such needs no apostrophe.
”...as rising to return indoors…” should be ”...as she rises to return indoors…”
”...oatmean cookies…” should be “oatmeal.”
”...moments passed…” should be “moments pass” in order to maintain your tense.
You write that Alex notices a motorcycle, but what she really notices is the person riding the motorcycle.
I really think that you need to write down the “few word” that Alex spoke to EJ, in order to give the reader a clearer view of her emotional response to his dialog.
Is there a reason to switch to past tense to describe the traffic? Tense changes are not always incorrect, but should only be used when describing something that happens in the past relative to your narrator’s point of view when writing mostly in the first person. You switch tenses a lot, many times in the middle of a sentence, and almost always incorrectly.
Due to a lot of awkward syntax, this story is very difficult to read. You use so many incorrect verb conjugations that I cannot hope to give you examples for how to correct them all. Almost every other sentence has some flaw with its structure.
The changes in scene are jarring.
“caous” should be “chaos”
“darkeness” should be “darkness”
“limps quiver” should be “limbs”
“reck” should be “wreck”
Writing that Alex’s “living may cease” with the birth of the child seems like an attempt to be more poetic in saying that she might die in childbirth; I think the impact of the statement would be stronger if you said it in a more straight-forward fashion.
You focus a LOT of words on Alex’s writing, but it has almost no bearing on the plot of the story, and you never actually mention what she writes.
The narrator of the piece focuses on Alex’s qualities, turning almost every event that happens into something with which to shine light onto Alex’s character in a positive fashion. In the events that you’ve described, however, I came away with a description of a woman who is so self-absorbed that she was obsessed with a man who didn’t really love her in the first place, but only wanted some respite from his wife. Since I never really felt that there was much to like about the protagonist, I didn’t really enjoy this story.
Jessica42 reviewed Version 1 -
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