Poetry / Prodical (Analysis)

Your poem is excellent.  I love how it tells a story, and your format reflects the development of the narrative. absolutely love it!

“faith-hyms” should be “faith-hymns”

This poem paints a brutally beautiful, but abstract picture.

Excellent. I feel bad about a one word review but there is nothing else i can say. Love the final line, of all the things going on, it is honesty that does it. It is a brilliantly worded and thought provoking piece that deserves alot of credit. Good job.

“Prodical”, what a way to introduce this reader into the madness of an innocent gone wrong.  Great imagry, descriptions, but in the fourth line it is `hymns` not `hyms`.  Aside from that a very powerful poem.  Thank you.

Wow. Great job. Very well written.
It seems to take you somewhere else….
Keep up the great work.

there is little i can say to this pice, apart from very good use of layout to provide a point. the only negative i could find is your almost, yes almost not quite :) non existant use of punctation. a comma would be nice, occassionally.

for example:

”
                I was saved
                When the skin turned blue<,>
                And the eyes choked at the sight
                Of the wounds ripping open-drugged and dreaming.
“

this would show the reader that there is a slight break, but not a full break, and allow them to get a breath before moving on to the important part of the flour line.

my 50 pence

~ Hinairusu

Wow, I gotta say, i loved this. I enjoy reading others work when i can really feel the contained pain. It was kinda like being dragged along a huge cheese grater, yup, like that. Aswesome work. I will be looking towards reading more from you… stu…

Wow.  This is good.  I honestly can’t name one thing I think you should change.  The punctuation is light, just the way I like it.  The way you have it arranged is perfect too.  Nice work.  This one really blew me away.  I’d definitely buy a book of poems with this in it. :)