Thank you so much! What a nice review. I have a few other chapters posted, but I’m actually finished witht the first book and I’m working on book 2. My manuscript has been requested an agent, so hopefully there’s a publishing contract in my future. Thanks again!
Sci Fi & Fantasy / Graveyard Shift (Analysis)
Chapter 1
“Suicide is man’s way of telling god, you can’t fire me, I quit.” -Bill Maher
No one cared about Lial Gordon, but you might have never guessed if you had seen his funeral. A heard of socialites gathered around his grave. A silk handkerchief dabbed an eye here and there. A eulogy fit for the President was poetically read, and dozens of white roses were tossed with a dramatic and well-practiced sympathy.
Lial smiled and rolled back on his heels. He looked a little too smug for a dead man, but he was a dead man just the same.
“Pigs!” he snorted. “I don’t know half of them, but there’s no doubt why they’re here. Everyone wants a piece of my money. Ha! Wait till they find out they’ve wasted a perfectly good Saturday for nothing.”
Lial was in a much better mood than he had been four days ago, when he came home early from his visit to New York. He was the president of a reputable bank and often took trips to meet his most valuable customers. Unfortunately, he had just lost one of his best. He was looking forward to sulking over one of his wife’s casseroles but soon discovered he wasn’t the only man enjoying her cooking. He entered his master bedroom to find his best friend, and vice president of his bank, snoring between his wife’s legs.
Lial didn’t wake them. He quietly retreated to his library to find solace in a bottle of aged brandy. Then, in a drunken stupor, he gathered the cash from his private safe, all of his wife’s jewelry, and anything else of value he could smuggle out of the house. He loaded it all into the trunk and backseat of his Rolls Royce and left.
After an hour’s drive, he pulled off onto a gravel road and followed it back to a lake surrounded by woods. At one time, the place had been special. He had gone fishing there with his sons when they were younger. Now, they only called if they needed money. Lial finished off another bottle of brandy while pitching bundles of crisp hundred dollar bills into the lake.
When he finished disposing of his riches, he got back in his car and drove home. Morning broke, and the sun glimmered into a rich dawn as he pulled into the driveway and found the traitors kissing goodbye on his front porch. They froze at the sight of him, and before they could compose themselves, Lial floored it.
He plowed the car right through the bay window and into the living room. The impact threw him into the windshield, where a piece of glass found his throat. He would have choked to death on his own blood, watching his wife and best friend run from the house, screaming like lunatics, if it hadn’t been for the explosion.
That’s how Lial Gordon died, and that’s how he met me. Lial was pleased with himself. Not only had he taken care of his money and car, but now the house was worthless as well. Not many are as proud as he had been so soon after death.
“All right.” Lial smiled and turned to walk away from the crowd of mourners. “Enough of this. I’m ready to burn in Hell.”
The dead are strange. They always assume they can just walk into the afterlife. I reached for his shoulder and pulled him back. “Hold still.” If you had my job, you’d be grim too.
I pushed my hand into the pocket of my robe and found my coin. Rolling it three times, I said the word and we left the graveyard behind.
There is no tunnel with a light at the end when you die, just a reaper with a coin, like me. Maybe to a human, the passage over resembles a tunnel. I’ll never know. To me, it’s more like a womb, and we’re being pushed into existence elsewhere. Humans are always in that infant-like state of shock when they see Limbo City.
Lial’s smirking good mood melted as we arrived. My world is very different from his. But I have to say, my shock to his world when I got my first coin was just as bad.
The coordinates I had used pushed us out into the middle of the market area, shadowed by the towering architecture of downtown Limbo. Buildings crammed together down Morte Avenue, a collage of metal and stone. The old world charm of cathedrals and temples mixed with New York styled skyscrapers, imitating the human realm. Rusty streaks of light shot out from behind the city, strangling the illusion of a sunset. Limbo has no sun, but the fake light is welcomed by most citizens. Even the dead prefer to see what they’re doing.
I sighed, wishing I had picked a different location. The market was an unthinkable place to be on a Sunday. Crowds of souls picked through an assortment of goods shipped in from the afterlives. The innocent items like phoenix feathers and vases autographed by Greek gods were arranged out in the open, but if you looked close enough, you could find someone selling vials of holy water or hellfire under the table. Both substances required a license to carry in Limbo City, but most vendors didn’t care if you paid the right price.
Crones hobbled by, gaudy amulets swinging from their necks as they waved their salt-crusted fingers to lure customers closer. A patron bumped a table of herbs, and a horde of pixies scurried to gather them before they hit the ground. A trio of saints lectured outside a white tent, stressing the importance of keeping faith in the afterlife to a crowd of fresh souls.
The harbor would be busy too. It’s always busy on the weekends. That’s when the Sea of Eternity is the calmest. It used to be only Sundays, but less than a century ago, during the Colorado Labor Wars, two souls who had died in the Ludlow Massacre ended up working in the Three Fates Factory. They convinced the employees to go on strike until they were given Saturdays off as well.
The strike hadn’t lasted long. The factory is responsible for pulling souls out of the sea and reinstalling them into the human realm. After a few days, the Sea of Eternity had swelled up around Limbo City and threatened to swallow it. The Fates quickly agreed to give Saturdays off, and the factory began running again.
The Sea of Eternity used to be a river, but that all changed when humans began dabbling in science. More atheists and agnostics die every day. It’s their souls that fill the sea, making my job even grimmer. It used to be easy getting a lot of souls to their afterlives. It used to take minutes, but minutes stretched into hours, and soon I fear it will become days. I don’t get paid enough to waste that kind of time. Like I said, you’d be grim too.
Taking Lial by the shoulder, I directed him through the crowd and down the main dock to my ship. He was my last soul for the day and I was ready to set sail. I had four souls to take to Heaven, two to Nirvana, and one to Summerland. Not too bad for a Sunday. Unlike the Three Fates’ employees, reapers don’t get weekends off. But if we save enough coin, we can buy ourselves a vacation.
“What are you doing, Lana?” Josie, my sailing partner, stood on the deck of my ship with her arms folded. Tuffs of black hair framed her oval face. The haircut was almost too short to be considered feminine, but she pulled it off with her delicate chin and ample pout. The fierce sweep of lashes around her eyes didn’t hurt either.
She tapped her toe on the deck of my- well, our ship. We had gone in and traded our two smaller boats for something a little nicer and a little faster. A demon sold it to us, claiming Grace O’Malley had given it to him in exchange for some deed involving the possession of a queen. How fitting that two lady reapers should purchase it. It had been a little too expensive for me to buy on my own. Besides, it was nice to have some company other than a herd of disoriented souls.
“Sorry, I know I’m late. We stayed for the funeral.” I hated being lectured. Josie was a better reaper than me, and I didn’t have a problem with that. What I did have a problem with, was her rubbing it in my face.
“No, what are you doing bringing that soul on our boat? I saw his file. He’s a suicide and a non-believer. Where do you think we’re taking him?” She tilted her head to one side and raised an eyebrow.
“By all rights, yes, he belongs in the sea. His soul is not nearly dark enough for Hell to pay us anything worth our time.”
“But?” she snapped.
We hadn’t been working on the same boat for very long, but her criticism was getting old. She always had to do everything by the book, like something bad might happen if she bent the rules. I didn’t bend them all the time, and I never outright broke them…. much.
“I like Lial here, and I have a coin I’ve been saving for a rainy day. Nirvana should take it. He’s had a difficult life, and I think he deserves a little enjoyment before being sucked up by the Fates and spit back into that pitiful reality again.”
I yanked back the hood of my robe so she could get the full effect of the face I made at her as I pushed Lial on deck.
“Nirvana? You mean that Asian religion was right?” Lial’s fear mutated into curiosity.
“They’re all right. We just sort you humans by how well you measure up to your individual beliefs.” You can’t imagine how many times I’ve had this conversation.
“Then why are you taking me to Nirvana? Not that I mind,” he quickly added.
“Because I think you deserve a vacation, and Nirvana’s laws are easier to get around than Heaven’s.”
I patted his arm and opened the door to the sailor’s quarters. My first six souls chattered among five new faces, Josie’s catch. My stomach knotted. She had seven souls on her docket that morning, same as me, all preordered by their afterlives. This meant two were in the hold. We never put souls in the hold unless we’re taking them to Hell. Most Hell-bounds try to escape. Can you blame them?
I scowled, wishing I had reviewed Josie’s list as well as she had reviewed mine. I hated making deliveries to Hell. Lucifer never gave me any trouble, but he had been on vacation lately. Gate duty had been turned over to Maalik, one of the Islamic angels.
Maalik had originally been appointed to watch over the Islamic hell, Jahannam, but with Eternity’s growing demands, the rulers of Jahannam and Hell decided to adjoin their territories and utilize a single gateway.
Maalik made me nervous. He was too flirty and too pretty to be guarding the gates of Hell. I didn’t trust him, and I didn’t like that he was racking up so much coin with his ambitious work ethic. If he showed up in Limbo, I planned on hightailing it to Summerland until he left. I needed a vacation anyway.
Lial looked around the room. He was my most enjoyable catch of the day. I didn’t regret staying for his funeral. Josie would get over it.
“I’ll come find you when we get to Nirvana,” I said. “Meanwhile, talk to James over there. He’s a Buddhist. He can fill you in on how to get through the gates.”
“Hey, uh, thanks,” Lial whispered. “I don’t know why you’re doing this, but I appreciate it.”
“Sure.” I laughed. Granting little favors almost made my job worth it. I closed the door behind me and found Josie waiting.
“Do you even know how many rules you’re breaking doing this?” she grumbled.
I folded my arms. “It’s not a big deal. Like the Fates will even miss him.”
“You’re jeopardizing both of our jobs, not to mention gambling with a ship that I paid for too.”
“Lighten up. I’m going to change before we take off. Where’s Gabriel? Didn’t he need a ride?” I wanted to change the subject before she listed off every rule I had broke since we started working together.
“He’s late, as usual. Cocky jerk thinks the world revolves around him. He’s probably still at Purgatory Lounge.”
“I thought he quit drinking. He better sober up before we get to Heaven, or you know we’ll get blamed for it.”
“I know.” Josie frowned. “You’re redirecting souls without authorization, and now we’re transporting a drunk archangel to make coin on the side. We might as well be demons.”
“I’ll go fetch him.” I felt like a drink myself after Josie’s little fit.
“If you’re not back in twenty minutes, I’m tossing your refugee and taking the coin for your other six souls,” she warned.
“I’ll be back in time. I just gotta change first. I’m not going inside Purgatory wearing my work robe.” I looked down at the frumpy garment and sighed. While it looked good on Josie, it made me look like Marilyn Monroe’s evil twin.
I headed for the Captain’s quarters before Josie could start another argument. She was a pain in the ass, but she was one of the few reapers I trusted.
Shuffling through my dresser, I found a pair of leather pants I had bought at Athena’s Boutique. She had set up a nice little shop in Limbo after sulking for nearly a millennium over her decline of followers. It was doing her a world of good, and I was growing a rather charming wardrobe. A black tank top and my favorite pair of boots completed the outfit. I thought about doing something with my hair but decided I didn’t have time. Josie was in a bad enough mood. If I was late, I knew she would make good on her threat to leave.
I frowned at myself in the dusty oval mirror next to our bunk and made a mental note to give Josie back the tube of cherry lipstick she had loaned me. Anemic geisha was not the look I was going for. I combed my fingers through my black ringlets and left.
Limbo City was just as crowded as the market and harbor. The Fates’ employees were busy shopping. Fresh souls happily filled the streets and sidewalks, only stopping for a moment to move out of my way. They knew I was a reaper, and it made them nervous. A reaper had brought each one of them over at some point.
The Three Fates used to recycle the souls on their own, but it made for tiresome and constant work. Some time ago, they discovered a way to keep a small fraction of souls in Limbo and persuaded them to work at the factory in exchange for a grander entrance back into the human realm. I can tell every time I harvest a soul from America. More and more celebrities are sprouting up all over the place.
I passed the Muses Union House and Bank of Eternity before reaching Purgatory Lounge. Gabriel’s musical voice spilled out as I opened the door.
“I haven’t had this much fun since I told Joseph his fiancée was knocked up by God!” the angel slurred. He sat at a booth with two nephilim, fallen angel half-breeds.
“Gabriel! What do you think you’re doing?” I plucked a feather from one of his wings, and he fluttered them in protest.
“Owww! What was that for?” he whined.
His drinking buddies eyed me suspiciously. Their wings were smaller, but their bodies larger. They weren’t as attractive as real angels, but they were close.
“The ship is sailing with or without you, Gabriel. If you don’t leave here with me now, you’ll have to find a ride over later. I don’t think Peter will be too pleased with you,” I scolded him.
“Peter’s halo’s gotten a little fat these days. I tried to take him on vacation with me, but he doesn’t think anyone else is fit to man the gate,” Gabriel laughed.
“I can’t imagine why when the archangels keep coming home drunk.”
“Give it a rest, Lana. Josie must be rubbing off on you. You used to be fun. What happened?” He hiccupped and slid an arm around my waist to pull me down in the booth with him. The nephilim across from me gave a sheepish smile.
Gabriel was getting careless with his reputation lately. If another heavenly host spotted him mingling with the offspring of the fallen, he’d never hear the end of it from Peter. He’d be stuck with cherub tasks for a decade.
“I was just telling Bob here,” Gabriel slobbered, “how I can do whatever I want, because when people get to Heaven, who do they wanna see? Me! Right after Jesus and Mary, but still. I’m not gonna lose my job. I’ve been busting my halo for thousands of years. Thousands! I think I deserve a little fun now and then. Don’t I Lala?” His head rolled onto my shoulder.
Lala wasn’t exactly a nickname. Gabriel only used it when he was tanked, which was about half the time.
I sighed. “Gabriel, Josie will leave us both here and take my commission if we don’t go now.”
“Fine, party-pooper. See you boys later.”
The half-breeds nodded and went back to their drinks. Gabriel left his arm around my waist as we made our way back to the ship. I didn’t stop him because I didn’t think he could walk upright otherwise. We got plenty of strange looks. A reaper and an archangel walked out of a bar. I almost had to laugh.
“About time!” Josie shouted at us from the deck where she untied the ropes holding our ship to the dock.
It was quieter now. Most of the reaper ferries had already departed for the afterlives. Gabriel spread his wings and flew up ahead of me. Feathers rained down as he ran into a mast and fluttered like a spooked chicken to catch himself.
“Don’t fly on my ship while you’re drunk!” Josie was still in a sour mood. She turned her hostile glare to me.
I grinned at her. “Told you I’d make it back in time.”
“With the state he’s in, I wish you hadn’t.” She turned away to pull up one of the sails. “A little help would be nice.”
I stomped over to a mast and untangled the web of ropes.
Once we were out of the harbor and the noise faded behind us, I went to check on Lial. He had curled up on a couch next to James, who looked relieved to see me.
“Miss Lana, I don’t know if I have enough time to prepare him,” he said, nervously tugging the cuffs of his robe.
I nodded. “Just do your best. I’ll take care of it when we get there.”
I hadn’t told James that I had a coin, and obviously Lial hadn’t mentioned it to him either. It wouldn’t have done much good, seeing as neither of them knew how our coin worked.
Our coin wasn’t just used as currency to make purchases. It held a doorway to the other realms. It would have been nice to just transport the souls to their afterlives with a coin, but if we did that, our boss would take it out of our commission. So we sailed the Sea of Eternity.
“I’m the king of the world!” Gabriel shouted at the head of the boat, nearly falling overboard. Only the flutter of his wings saved him.
“Gabriel!” Josie growled.
“He’s already paid, so let’s just get this over with,” I said as she shot me another nasty look.
“Next time, we’re charging more. I like order on my ship-“
“Our ship,” I corrected her.
We were both possessive of O’Malley’s boat. It’s not everyday that you come by a legendary female pirate’s ship.
The sails were open and gently tugged us along towards our first stop, Summerland, my favorite of the afterlives. Not too crowded. Lots of nature to take in. It was a nice break from the bustling city life in Limbo. The Pagans were friendly and didn’t seem to mind the occasional reaper on vacation.
“You wanna go out for a beer when we get home?” I tried to smooth things over with Josie. Her scrunched up face lightened a little and then flushed.
“I can’t.”
“Look, I’m sorry for messing up your schedule.”
“It’s not that. I have a date,” she whispered so Gabriel wouldn’t overhear.
“Oh, really? With who?”
“It’s not a big deal.” She toyed with the ropes of nearest sail.
“Come on, who?”
She blushed and leaned over the railing. “Horus.”
“Josie.” It was my turn to lecture her. “You know he’s just going to try to bribe you into sneaking more souls into Duat.” Duat was the Egyptian underworld, but its flow of souls has been steadily decreasing for some time.
“No he won’t! They get enough to keep them happy,” she argued.
“When’s the last time we’ve made a delivery there?”
“He doesn’t care about more souls. Osirus is watching over Duat, and Horus has been vacationing for almost a decade now.”
“Just be careful.”
It wasn’t like Josie to date one of the old gods. The laws were more lenient these days, but most of society still frowned reapers dating outside the corporation.
“Hate to interrupt ladies, but we have company,” Gabriel sang out to us.
“What now?” Josie stormed off to the front of the ship with me close behind. We were an hour from Summerland, with three more stops to go. We didn’t need trouble this early.
“Shit.” I frowned at the horizon. A ship was approaching us from the north. Clusters of dog-faced demons crawled the masts and sides of the black boat, and a dark-winged man stood on the main deck, holding a leash attached to a soul.
“Caim, that bastard. He’s snatched a clairvoyant soul.” I squeezed my eyes shut. The day just kept getting better.
Caim was enjoying his exile from Hell a little too much, especially since he left with two legions of demons. After his impeachment, he had gone underground for almost a decade. Now he was out stalking reaper ferries to loot souls.
“I’ll get my bow. You better go find your scythe.” Josie took off for our cabin.
My scythe lay next to the hatch where I had left it the last time I had to terrorize a group of Hell-bound souls down in the hold. There were eight that day. Grim had given us an extra miserable lot after he found out I had snuck a boy, destined for the sea, into Summerland. The Hell-bounds were plotting an escape until my scythe flashed before them.
I grabbed my weapon and headed back to the front of the ship with Josie, who now carried her bow. She had a scythe too but rarely used it. The bow was a gift from Artemis for delivering a message to her twin brother, Apollo. Artemis set up an archery shop after she saw what a hit Athena’s Boutique was, but her brother still resided on Mount Olympus in Summerland.
“We should really get that soul back.” I sighed over Gabriel’s shoulder.
“I wasn’t planning on getting that close.” Josie’s eyes widened with concern as her fingers twitched over the arrows in her quiver.
“You wouldn’t have to,” Gabriel offered. “Distract him, and I’ll go over and get the soul.”
“Do you really think you should be flying under the influence?”
“I’m an archangel. Give me some credit here.”
Josie frowned and lifted her bow. “Fine. You ready Lana?”
“Ready and armed.” I couldn’t use my scythe long range, but as soon as she let loose an arrow, the demons that could fly would be on us. I could see Caim’s cocky grin now and the sullen expression of the female soul he had captured.
“Go Gabriel!” Josie shouted as she unleashed an arrow.
It was a perfect shot through Caim’s wing. He twisted in agony and dropped the leash. Josie strung another arrow as I lashed out at two demons hovering above us. I didn’t want them to land on our deck. We’d just had it washed. Demon guts were acidic and would burn holes in our new ship if they weren’t cleaned up right away.
Three more of the creatures appeared in mid-air, snapping and snarling. I swung to behead them, only missing one. It landed on the deck and scrambled towards Josie as she pumped Caim full of arrows. I lashed out, catching the creature’s underside with my blade, and flung it overboard with a shriek. Sticky demon pieces splattered my leather pants.
“Lana! They’re coming over the side!” Josie backed into me.
Four more demons clawed up the side of our ship and circled us. They were smaller than the others. Three sets of leathery wings scaled down their boney spines. One inched closer, dragging its talons along the deck with a squeal that rivaled a dozen chalkboards.
Josie cringed. “Now that’s uncalled for.” She lifted her bow and popped an arrow through the little devil’s head as fast any gun would have.
The rest of the litter rushed us. Josie nodded to me, and we attacked together. She darted one with an arrow while I gutted another, splashing the deck with a gush of steaming gore. The last demon latched onto my boot just as Josie put an arrow through its head, pinning the toe of my boot to the deck floor in the process.
I sucked in a breath, anticipating the sharp pain that thankfully didn’t follow. The arrow had wedged itself between my toes.
“Nice shot.” I rolled my eyes and reached down to jerk the arrow free.
“Please, you’ve had those boots for over a decade. It’s time you invest in a new pair anyway.” Josie took the arrow from me and stuffed it back in her quiver. “We’re going to have to file a report now.”
“I’ll do it,” I groaned. “I have an evaluation with Grim in the morning anyway.”
Attacks on reaper ferries had tripled in the past week. Where Limbo City was the ultimate free world, the Sea of Eternity was an aged battlefield, just as hostile as Limbo was neutral. The attacks were the big news of the week, headlining on the cover of Limbo Weekly and The Daily Reaper Reports. Channel Nine, Mort Street Live, even issued a cautionary warning to sea travelers and transporters.
Gabriel landed on the deck behind us. The captive soul trembled in his arms. I wondered if she could smell the alcohol on his breath. She stared at us, as though trying to decide if we were any better than the creep we had just rescued her from.
At a more comfortable distance away, Caim was busy yanking arrows out of his bloodied wings.
“Jerk,” I muttered as I wiped my hands off on my pants. They were ruined.
“So, where do we take you?” Josie cooed at the soul. The woman pulled away from Gabriel and looked up at him.
“It’s okay,” he said. “They’ll get you where you need to be.”
She turned back to us and smiled. “Do you travel to Summerland?”
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LaPoette reviewed Version 1 -
Read 25% of the Item
Already, I can tell this is going to be a page turner. It’s drawn me in, even though I’m not usually a Sci-Fi reader. But your ideas are pretty original and imagery is so vivid that I can picture this Limbo City.
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Melinda reviewed Version 1 -
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I FOUND THE STORY CAPTIVATING AND INTRIGUING. I DIDN’T WANT TO STOP READING IT. IT HAS ALL THE ELEMENTS OF MYTHOLGY, RELIGION, SUPERSTITION. ANYONE WHO READS IT WILL BE ABLE TO CONNECT WITH THE TOPIC OF THE STORY. I REALLY CAN’T WAIT TO READ THE NEXT CHAPTER. I GIVE YOU THE UPMOST RESPECT OF SAYING THAT YOU ARE VERY TALENTED.
redbird reviewed Version 1 -
Read 31% of the Item
i liked what i read. the imagry of limbo city was something i could imagine in a movie i think the first part was too long and
i wasnt sure whether it was about Liel or the grim reaper .
that part was a little confusing
RandyParrot reviewed Version 1 -
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I like the quote you added! It gives an interesting start to it, and pulls the reader in right away. I also love the market place, which I dont think was there before. I love this version, its more detailed than the first one, and now the rest of it makes more sense! I enjoyed reading it, hehe. Its clever the way you’ve linked all religions and afterlife beliefs into one big world. I can’t think of anything else to say, and I have no criticisms, but I really like it :-)
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