Poetry / That i. . . love you.

Tears stream down my face,

As i stand, faltering before you.

I open my mouth, ever so slightly,

Unable to say those words.

I try; it’s barely a whisper…

I want to shout it out,

But i…just can’t.

I want you to see…

But how can you,

When i never do as much,

As drop a hint.

It’s suppressing…

More difficult than i foresaw.

It’s like trying to pop a bubble,

Without succeding.

I know though,

That if i don’t say them..

Our heart strings will never tie together,

And i may lose you forever…

The lump in my throat grows larger,

Clouding my sky,

And waving away any chances,

Of ever saying those little words…

That i. . .love you.

You need to log in to urbis or create an urbis account to review this writing.

Reviews

Sort Reviews by  Newest |  Oldest |  Highest Quality |  Lowest Quality |  Newest Comments | 

 
dubloosh avatar General Stranger

February 13, 2009

dubloosh

personal info reviewer stats
dubloosh reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

I noticed something very interesting:  when the writer speaks in a meek voice the “i” is a small letter, and when the voice is strong, the “I” is a capital letter.  Was this intentional?  If so, the last line would be better without the word That>

I love you.

Needs some puncutation; heartstrings is one word, especially in the sentence about tying them together.  

Showing 1 - 1 of 1

Creator
Mariama avatar

Mariama

Age: 19
Loc: Ghana
Gen: F
Last Login: March 05
Relevant Links
Item Stats

GENERAL

1 Review 0 Comments
Version 1
Latest Activity: 9 months ago

REVIEW QUEUE

Appeared in Queue: 14 Times
Skipped: 6 Times
Large_criteria Ratings & Rankings
Tags

There are no tags for this item.