Thank you for your observations. I’ll definitely use them to make this letter better.
Query Letter / Query Letter: Three-handed Bridge (Analysis)
Dear . . . :
Three-handed Bridge (gay, literary fiction) deals a fast-paced, quirky lesson in love, self-fathering and, yes, bridge.
Dr. Bryant, the story’s deadpan narrator, can make room for his dear friend, Dr. P, at the bridge table, just not in his bed. But Dr. P—an aging Scarlett in khakis—won’t accept defeat even when his opponent is a young and masculine, albeit imaginary, graduate assistant of Dr. Bryant’s own making.
This erotic fantasy of the perfect man begins as a harmless story in Dr. Bryant’s journal but soon takes an unexpected turn. What follows is a surreal journey back to his childhood and the abuse that has scarred his life. In the end, Dr. Bryant learns, with Dr. P’s help, how to be a father to the abused child in himself. He also learns that his perfect man has been sitting across the bridge table, drawling dirty Latin phrases in a Georgian accent, for the last decade.
I have published poetry and one short story with university presses, and I would like to work with a publisher who understands the value of gay literary fiction and how to market these works to mainstream readers. While the largest audience for Three-handed Bridge will be literate gay men, it will also appeal to readers who like David Sedaris, Jincy Willett, and Augusten Burroughs.
Thank you for taking the time to read this letter. I am prepared to send you sample chapters of this finished 90,000-word manuscript upon request.
Sincerely,
You need to log in to urbis or create an urbis account to review this writing.
Reviews
Sort Reviews by Newest | Oldest | Highest Quality | Lowest Quality | Newest Comments |
macman02 reviewed Version 3 -
Read 100% of the Item
I’ve been on the receiving end of query letters before. And this is a good one. Good luck! I’d be interested in seeing more of your piece when it’s published.
- add/view comments (0)
ramsrock37 reviewed Version 3 -
Read 100% of the Item
Overall a good query. It lets the publisher know what to expect without giving to much information. Good luck.
MLSolari reviewed Version 3 -
Read 100% of the Item
I’m not super qualified for this sort of thing, as I’ve only had essays published in textbooks for college students and the process is different, but I think you have something here.
The voice you use in presenting the story is upbeat, like your story, and put a smile on my face. If I were an agent I would request chapters to see if the voice within the manuscript itself is as pleasant.
The only thing I would be more specific about is the university presses part. It’s not capitalized, so I’m assuming that the university presses aren’t a publishing agency in and of themselves. Maybe be more specific as to which universities you have published with?
derekosborne reviewed Version 3 -
Read 100% of the Item
Hi DC
This is definitely better. The ending is much stronger and still gets the “honor to work with you” message across. I think the 2nd sentence is still a bit ambitious. I get lost by the end trying to keep up with all the information. Might want to break it up, a bit. If you are concerned about sounding interesting, don’t be, the first sentence is an excellent description.
paigemc reviewed Version 3 -
Read 100% of the Item
This is pretty much an excellent query letter.
The primary suggestion I have is to change and I would like to work with a publisher who understands the value of gay literary fiction and how to market these works to mainstream readers to something more like ‘when researching (publishers/agents) I saw that XXXXX Publications (or XXX Literary Agency) has had excellent success with marketing gay fiction.
Also, when you research the website for the publishers or agents you are sending this to, they will usually tell you almost exactly what they want in the query. So you can tailor that last sentence to fit the person—(some may want you to include a synopsis, etc)
All in all, an excellent query.
cap10martini reviewed Version 3 -
Read 100% of the Item
Overall this works it is quick and to the point yet you still find time to set a rythem that I imagine reflects the story.
tkarma reviewed Version 3 -
Read 100% of the Item
I think this is a good query. It is concise and interesting. It grabs my attention at the first sentence. The story is revealed enough, but not too much, to make me want to read more. I think it is good that you mentioned the audience your ms will appeal to, as well as other established authors that your work can be categorized with. This gives a broader idea of the potential audience the book will appeal to. I hope this helps and good luck:)
Tina
paperninja reviewed Version 3 -
Read 100% of the Item
I had to read the second paragraph twice in order to understand the thread of the story. I think all that is required is a re-organisation of the sentences:
“Dr Bryant, the story’s dead pan narrator … just not in his bed. What begins as an erotic fantasy … an unexpected turn. But Dr P … even when his opponent is an imaginary young and masculine ... of Dr Bryant’s own making. What follows…”
“Drawling” is inappropriately used here. It refers to speech. Perhaps a typo for “drawing”?
Are you sure you want to emphasise that you require your publisher to market your fiction to “mainstream readers”? This would, of course, be an added bonus, but I would recommend omitting that in the query letter – perhaps it is more suited to discuss at the publishing strategy meeting once the publisher has accepted your work.
Likewise with “understand the value” – I would omit “understand” altogether as it implies arrogance (even where none is intended). Perhaps it could be replaced with something like “values the merits of” . As a debut novelist, it could be perceived as presumptuous for you to inform the publisher of the largest audience for your fiction – that’s something the publisher will determine. Similarly with the last sentence: “I am prepared…” sounds as though it would be an onerous task to send your mss to the publisher. Perhaps consider something along the lines of “If you find the premise of ‘Three-handed Bridge’ of interest, I would be delighted to send you a synopsis and sample chapters of the completed manuscript.” It is imperative that you have a synopsis prepared to send with the sample chapters.
It is customary to put the length of the mss at the beginning of the letter when the title is first mentioned, for example by adding “in 90,000 words” at the end of the first sentence, or “Three-handed Bridge is a 90,000 word romp in the quirky lessons of love, self-fathering and, yes, bridge.”
Obviously, these are only suggestions and examples, and the phraseology used should reflect the style of your manuscript (I feel pretty sure you wouldn’t use the word ‘romp’!). I hope you have found this useful.
derekosborne reviewed Version 2 -
Read 100% of the Item
Your opening sentence has incorrect punctuation and improper grammar.
Dr. Bryant hates playing three-handed bridge: It (“It” should not be capitalized) reminds him of a past he hasn’t made good use of (“he hasn’t made good use of” is an awkward construction) and a father who was never there.
You know you’ve got one shot to hook them. Rework your opening sentence. Also, I would not patronize as you have done in your final comment.
That said, the body of what you have written describes the novel well and gives a good idea of the theme. Is his journey back into childhood “surreal”? Maybe another adjective.
“In the end, Dr. Bryant learns, with Dr. P’s help, how to be a father to the abused child in himself.” This is a clear, concise sentence that really stands out and speaks volumes toward the central conflict.
Best of luck.
alicats reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
Bravo, annonymous. I’d certainly read this.
‘hasn’t made good use of’ might be a bit clumsy for a one line blurb.
I’d move the second sentence to its own paragraph.
Clarify ‘albeit imaginary, graduate assistant of Dr. Bryant’s own making’. Is Dr P imaginary? and if so, how can he make a ‘perfect’ bed partner? You probably cover it clearer in the synopsis, but the editor usually wants a clear picture of the story line in the query blurb.
Who’s the publisher BTW? Being hetero female, I don’t write gay lit, but I read. :)
ali
http://www.myspace.com/practicalkatz
Showing 1 - 10 of 11
Next →
Review item
Add to favesCreator
Item Stats
GENERAL
8 Reviews 7 Comments
Version 3
Latest Activity: about 1 month ago
REVIEW QUEUE
Appeared in Queue: 452 Times
Skipped: 27 Times
Ratings & Rankings
Versions
| Version 3 | Version 2 (Deleted) | Version 1 (Deleted) |