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Journal, Diary, & Blogging / Release (Analysis)
That day I walked away from your room and your life, I never would have guessed I was walking away from my heart. Those days after I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I broke down and cried when I finally realized that I really do love you, not just because i say i do, but because i felt it too. In every dream i was with you as a couple. There were dreams of us with a child calling out to you. A little blonde blued eyed boy, just like you. I could not just walk away from those feelings and our dreams of having a family one day. The night that i called you, i was so scared that i might have been too lateto tell you how i really felt. I was frightened that you would not even answer the phone. To my relief you did, it was so good to hear your voice. Now that i reflect on our conversation i understood why you said no. No was the right answer. I hope you are happy with your life and the choices you made. I will forever hold you in my heart as my first true love. My first for everything.
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cheyenne_marshall reviewed Version 1 -
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I always find it hard to review journal or blogging style pieces. I guess I would start by saying it held me in an emotional web. You did a wonderful job of portraying the family fantasy. I don’t think I would change anything, but I am a firm believer in ” you can always add more”.. Just a couple little grammer mistakes, but I rather enjoyed it.
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Jimmykoksferhans reviewed Version 1 -
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This is clearly a very emotional piece—-I’m not sure i’d bve brave enough to post this online for the world to see. It’s interesting to see someone actually write out the fragile, human thoughts that we have in a stressful situation, like you did here. I’ve been there, and could never collect my thoughts enough to write anything that made any sense. Very nice job.
ParticoRomulus reviewed Version 1 -
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It’s hard to comment on such personal content. It’s heartfelt, though to an outsider the context is vague. It’s not clear if this is teenage love, or a longer term relationship between young adults. It’s not clear why “No was the right answer”. However, as you don’t seem to intend this as more than just a sharing of your feelings, I can’t really suggest more extensive revision.
tia_logic reviewed Version 1 -
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Breaking up is hard. But it gets easier.
I’d think about the first line. It kind of sets up a expectation of cliches, which, to an extent you comply with. I’d be willing to bet you ould mke something more of this than a letter to the past. It would make a lovely vignette if you wrote it less of you&me style (which I understnd in regards to letterism) and worked at some fresh metaphors.
Good luck and chin up. I think I went through 3 or four end-of-the-wrld, first love hearbreaks before I realized most of them were fake. I’m not saying your feelings aren’t real or honest, just that you’ll see things differently as you grow and chane. What better reason to keep this?
libertygirl05 reviewed Version 1 -
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You sound so heartbroken but having been there I can tell you it WILL get better. First loves are always hard to let go you captured this well…Thanks for sharing!
biggun11w reviewed Version 1 -
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very sad, yet nice…”That day I walked away from your room and your life, I never would have guessed I was walking away from my heart.” a little confusing (you walking away from your desires at least that’s what i got out out of it) but did grab my attention and made me want to read further…
ruthybird reviewed Version 1 -
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This is simple and honest writing. Maybe you should write more about the relationship you had with this person and why it broke up. And where do you think you will go from here. Why don’t you describe him more. What was happening in your life when you first met and he became your first love.
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