No. The whole thing is based on the fact that she can’t see and the flirtation isn’t what she thinks it is. Thank you for reviewing.
Poetry / THE EDGE OF FLIRTATION
Even now,
I try to picture your face in my mind,
Yet I cannot.
Bending closer to serve your coffee, I wonder why have I not noticed
before today that your eyes shine the richest, deepest, chocolate brown?
I have been distracted, misdirected, and would apologize, though it’s more than likely you have not noticed me in the way I have most recently and absolutely without question, noticed you.
Encourage me,
Perhaps with only the smallest of smiles
Directed my way.
Speaking of which, I also ask why have I not noticed before
today that your smile shimmers on the edge of flirtation?
In all probability I was stranded on the moon, for what other excuse could explain my ignorance in the presence of your enveloping aura, scent of woodsy nutmeg with hint of ginger, the heated masculinity of your hand surrounding mine as you thaw my—oh, dear…
I must breathe,
A task requiring utmost concentration in your presence,
Else I may float into the realms of unconsciousness.
Would that event not give away the glorious, pulsating palpitations raging
untamed through my … I mean, would it not expose secret longings for you?
(Oh, all right, lustful longings. I admit it! I am ablaze with desire!)
“What? A shortbread biscuit for you today?” (TAKE ME NOW! TAKE ME HERE!). ”One moment,” as I glide gracefully in my wonderfully weakened state to fetch said biscuit, and tingle with anticipation on returning to your side where I can only stand and… watch your mouth as… you bite into the… (Gah!).
I’m reborn!
Soft and giddy to the point of popping,
Yet I shall not!
Am I not in control of my person, aside from numbness in my lower extremities,
and racing heart that pounds a wild, unsyncopated, jungle-like rhythm?
As you undress me with your eyes, it is clear oxygen no longer permeates the atmosphere surrounding my brain. I am abuzz, atremble, fingers quiver as I strive clumsily, I fear, to smash down stubborn wisps of hair that surely sprout from the most incongruous locations of my head and -- my, you smell good, er -- hmm?
“Red is definitely your color,” you say.
Oh, sweet flattery! Overjoyed, I blush, “Oh, no, really—”, only to look down and realize I wear a black and blue jumper. Well.
Even now,
I feel you brush past me and turn to see
You approach her.
And I ask, how have I not noticed before today the uncanny physical development
of my young cousin, the redhead in the voluptuously perky red dress standing
barely two meters behind me?
On my shaky trek back to the lukewarm cup of tea waiting in the corner of my self-owned café I encounter a most welcome obstacle, the Daily News, placed ever so conveniently no doubt by the Gods who, after enjoying this little vignette of human folly, have decided to bestow some much-hyped mercy upon me.
A moment later, head tucked safely center-page, I am forced to feign amused interest in our current world events as I am again reminded of the resolution I made last New Year’s Eve—
From now on, I shall remember to wear my glasses.
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Blue reviewed Version 2 -
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I liked this a lot. You capture and draw out multiple emotions from the reader which is very impressive.
“you undress me with your eyes, it is clear oxygen no longer permeates the atmosphere surrounding my brain. I am abuzz, atremble, fingers quiver as I strive clumsily, I fear, to smash down stubborn wisps of hair that surely sprout from the most incongruous locations of my head and -- my, you smell good, er -- hmm?”
This was my favorite paragraph as it captures comedy but keeps us grounded in your overall theme and feelings.
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richardlynn51 reviewed Version 2 -
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Very enjoyable..I felt your feelings.. provacatately.I was in the cafe privy to your feelings..nice….I want more from the ending though..do the glasses represent vanity or a reminder to focus on current events and not events of the heart?...good writing, thanks
benwest reviewed Version 2 -
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I was really enjoying the poetry but then it kind of veered into a story on the second page? Still liked both though. You really captured the feelings of infatuation/desire perfectly.
AmyWalker reviewed Version 2 -
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This made me chuckle in a few areas not in any of disrespect but in a way of a typical romance sorta way if you get my meaning.
It’s good, I thought it was your average romantic type poem. Its good, its unique and definitely original.
Keep up the good work,
Amy
youngjed reviewed Version 2 -
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I liked this although I’d say its more like a very short story than a poem (there is far more narrative than there is imagery); and I liked the quirky conversationality of it. Some of the punctuation is out. I’d also change ‘ablaze with desire’ – its a teeny bit cliched.
nails29 reviewed Version 2 -
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you have a good flow of language, but the poem has too many analogies. and its difficult to believe someone would feel reborn after flirtation. i like the the start of brown eyes and coffee. that could be funny, i suggest developing one or two images as a start.
NinaHarling reviewed Version 2 -
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This is the first piece i have reviewed, i really loved it. It shows that it comes from the heart and experience.
sreed98 reviewed Version 2 -
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I thoroughly read your piece. You clearly described a woman interested in a man and kept it clean. To be exact, “the heated masculinity of your hand surrounding mine as you thaw my—oh, dear…
I must breathe,” leaves the reader to their imagination and assume what she really is thinking.
Although the style isn’t exactly poetry the humor comes fully through. Keep up the good work.
MistyMix reviewed Version 2 -
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Some really fantastic images. Really impressive. You invite all of the senses in with your images which I find is difficult to do. My only suggestion would be that some of your sentences are quite wordy distracting from these great images. Maybe cutting them down still keeping the sharp image without all of the added words. There are several parts that stand out, but I laughed out loud at this part, “What? A shortbread biscuit for you today?” (TAKE ME NOW! TAKE ME HERE!). ”One moment,” as I glide gracefully in my wonderfully weakened state to fetch said biscuit, and tingle with anticipation on returning to your side where I can only stand and… watch your mouth as… you bite into the… (Gah!).” Wonderful work!
Blacktigre reviewed Version 2 -
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I really liked the casual way you wrote the piece. It helped me connect with your words and, I would like to think, yourself.. The punctuation was also a big help. I found myself smiling througout the piece. You have really ventured to the brink of flirtation here.. good write.
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