That’s up to the reader’s discretion. The person only knew about his/her neighbor by the noises he made. It’s safe to assume that since there aren’t anymore noises, something has happened to the neighbor. What? The person doesn’t know.
Poetry / Paper Thin (Analysis)
These walls are paper thin.
My neighbor tests them daily.
On mornings he showers,
and usually sings something off key.
Days that he should be at work,
he plays Jimmy Hendrix with too much bass.
The scent of marijuana permeates throughout the halls.
A few nights a week a voice will be calling his name.
The sound of it changes occasionally.
Some time ago, two voices heard one another.
They both began calling his name in anger, along with a few expletives.
Every week a loud pounding finds his door.
Every week it gets louder.
Once it was followed by a forceful thud and a shout.
Afterwards my neighbor began to wail,
alongside a rhythmic pounding and a rhetorical “why?”
Yes, these walls are paper thin.
But I’m worried…
My neighbor hasn’t tested them in weeks.
[2006]
-v-
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TirzahLaughs reviewed Version 2 -
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bandcupid04 reviewed Version 2 -
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the more i rated, the more i was confused by this story. if you could, could you tell me what it’s about just so i know? i feel that it’s about not being able to jump into someone elses life, but what is threatening the neighbor? im not sure if i SHOULD be amused….but overall, it was touching to me :) like you want to jump in and help…who knows, i could be getting it all wrong though.
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rrjs reviewed Version 2 -
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Greetings
Ignore the ratings as I find them less than useful. Second Stanza Try a different word than “on”. “Most” would work. Fourth stanza replace “heard”, “overlap” or “challenged” would work. Fifth stanza replace “once” “finally ” or “then” would work. Clarity and gramatical correctness would be the reason for the changes. There are of course other possible choices that might express your meaning better. Nice poem.
the_venus_in_isis reviewed Version 2 -
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I like this, the overall idea and the twist at the end are superb, but it’s got some rough edges to it. The second line where you say ‘daily’ leads the reader to believe it’s up to this very day (though I know that’s not how you meant it), so I would rearrange it to something a long the lines of ‘my neighbor finds ways to test them’. It wouldn’t sound like you were contradicting yourself by the time the reader gets to the last line. The line ‘They both began calling….expletives.’ you could shorten to match the staggering of the rest of the piece to ‘Coupled with expletives, they called his name in anger.’
Overall, I love the last part, think it’s a nice way to get the reader involved in the piece, and people can relate to it. Nicely done.
jwmurray reviewed Version 2 -
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I am sorry, but there seems to be something missing. Maybe you can read it and find more to add to it. ie; Is the neighbor gone or has something happened to him. If he has moved, is there a new neighbor to test your walls?
tisha reviewed Version 2 -
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Great work. I got a really good laugh out of this poem. There were no errors that I could see. I am adding this one to my faves.
ajanon reviewed Version 2 -
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I am impressed with your writing. I cannot find a lot of fault here but then I lack the ability to critically analize. I am wondering about the set of the stanzas and their arriangement. They flow well, the last stanza being set in three lines is my question. If you make it a two line stanza, substituing line 3 for line two. and making another stanza beginning(a last line read),
“But im worried.” It adds to the concern.
Nice poem and I gave it overall a 9 clarity 10 and amuse 8
Roo reviewed Version 2 -
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As this is my first review and that i’ve never done it before, as an reader, when i got to the end, totally grabbed my attention. I wouldnt be able to give it the proper ‘constructive criticism as far as how it should be presented, but it did give me the impression of ‘what happened?’ I am dying to know if the neighbour was killed, died of a heart attack, or was arrested or evicted. I had to read it over a few times to figure out what was happening in the early stages, but that ending was the best part for me as a reader.
I loved that.. ‘But I’m worried…
My neighbor hasn’t tested them in weeks’
I’m dying to know what happened.
Roo
HipStar reviewed Version 2 -
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Great story teller!
I could actually see what I was reading.
Great imagery and description.
I loved the ending.
belicktu09 reviewed Version 2 -
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I did not see any true poetic form to it. It was slightly amusing, however read it aloud and you will see how it doesnt flow quite right
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