Crime, Thrillers & Mystery / SPLIT II: ASCENSION (Analysis)

Excellent cover copy – and I am a published authopr of thrillers myself, so I should know.  (I was always having to write – or rewrite – the cover copy for my books.)

Two slight changes I would suggest:

1) ”...And Billy Ray Dean is being called to serve, by both sides…”  I would replace the comma with a dash (and put the word “both” in italics – I know you can’t do that in Urbis!)

2) “With everyone hunting him and some unlikely allies by his side the man once known as the Butcher of Boulder County must cut through a host of enemies…”  I would put commas before and after the clause “and some unlikely allies by his side.”

Apart from that, it’s perfect – about the right length for paperback cover copy. You can probably make it slightly longer if it’s for a hardback, but it isn’t obligatory, just an option if you want to write slightly more.

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May 14, 2008

by DirtAngels

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36	M	Broomfield, CO	May 23

Thank you for the advice, and thanks for the compliment.  You are apparently aware of how difficult it is for a novelist to condense rather than expand.  It is sort of contrary to our nature.  The publisher is busy rewriting this right now.  I’ll send you their versiion when they get through with it.

Thanks again

Greg

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I really like the way you describe the story. It really made me want to open the book and dive in. One note, the end felt a bit abrupt. I know it’s supposed to so that it entices the reader to begin reading the book, but I felt it needed a tiny bit more.

It sounds like the story/book might be an interesting read!
Just a couple of things that didnt sit well with me… The first was the line “And Billy Ray Dean is being called to serve, by both sides.” which starts with “And” which is usually something to be avoided. Using “and” at the start of the sentence CAN improve the feel of the piece but, to me, it didnt seem like this was the case – but, ultimately, it’s up to you.

The only thing that sort of rubbed me the wrong way was the genre that you’ve classified this under. To me this seems like, if anything, it should be a hybrid of the genre you have this listed as and sci fi (if not just solid sci fi). But, again, I havent actually read the story and it IS up to you so, again, I may be wrong.

Other than that, there’s not much for me to point out. Good job!

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May 11, 2008

by DirtAngels

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36	M	Broomfield, CO	May 23

Listing it in any certain genre has been difficult.  The series itself is a little tough to classify.  For the most part, on the surface, it seems to be just an extremely violent contemporary thriller but it has action/horror/psi-fi/adventure aspects as well.  Unfortunately I think the back cover makes it seem that there is even more of the psi-fi element than there actually is.  It really is a background thing.

The action thriller genre is really the dominating force here and that is why I have classified it that way.

May 12, 2008

by Static

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20	M	Australia	October 01

Yeah thats fair enough.. I guess Im in the same boat; my story (currently listed under the working title “Veus Verum: The Fall of Nex” – give it a look if you see it in the review queue) is mostly sci-fi but has elements of fantasy and mystery thrown in AND has a thrilling scene in the very first chapter… So it was pretty hard to classify

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For back cover material this is great.I read both inside the flap and the back covers of potential books to purchase. There has to be enough to tweek my interest or I will pass.With the appropriate art work to set it off,very good.

Terrifying, but uunappealing. It loses its effect if I can’t see what the threat is; what are the motivations for those killings? World dominance? revenge? I can’t tell, so it is hard to believe. Please remember most people are not familiar with your writing and those that are need to be lead on, not dissapaointed. Pleaase clarify for everyone.

Seems like a very readable novel, I’d love to see the actual product!

I walk on tiptoes into a mine field. Not having a clue as to where the first book went or how Billy got his name. If he is a double doupe or a spy for all involved it is unclear.
gossamer thread and worldwide chaos to me are over used, is there something less commercial that draws the same juice as these?
If he is called to serve both sides and is at risk from each then his salvation must lie in a third entity?
The host of enemies line, it suffers me to reflect on who is hosting whom?
A forgotten blood soaked peak!
Leaving the workd to survive at the hands of a hero with a knife! I guess I am older than I thought. As your first book must have done well I feel a fool writing this.
Best wishes and good fortune

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May 08, 2008

by Static

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“The host of enemies line, it suffers me to reflect on who is hosting whom?”

I believe you’ve missed the meaning of the word “host” here. Yes, it CAN mean host as in someone who hosts. However, it can also mean “a large number of” which, given the context, I believe this is the meaning that was being aimed for

May 08, 2008

by DirtAngels

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36	M	Broomfield, CO	May 23

Yes, a large and diverse number, is the meaning of host here.  I also think I was unclear about one thing.  I didn’t write the blurb (back cover copy) it came from the publishers writers based on the novel.  I wanted to check the effect of their work based on the fact that I was truly unhappy with their blurb on the first book I published with them.  I felt that this was better than they did on the first but I still didn’t feel it appealed the wider audience.

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Your book sounds really interesting, and really violent (which is of course a good thing).

I haven’t read the first book, but I feel like I can get a good idea of what it’s about from this description, which is important in a sequel.