Poetry / Mommy (Analysis)
Daddy’s hurting mommy, slamming her against the wall
Mommy starts to scream, but no one hears her at all
Daddy’s yelling bad words as mommy starts to cry
Little did Daddy know, soon mommy was going to die
Daddy was never there for us, mommy paid the bills
We never questioned mommy when she took her nightly pills
She’d lock herself in her room, and hold her pillow tight
Weeping to her lonesome self, saying “Everything’s alright”
Mommy was a waitress, but people called her a different name
She’d just roll her eyes and sigh “and that’s for me to blame?”
Mommy never hurt us; she wouldn’t hurt a fly
So tell me how God; how come you let our mommy die?
Some days mommy made a special dinner in hopes of daddy’s return
But daddy never came home, and that left mommy concerned
For three years she went to the corner of 5th and Elk
Mommy always got dressed up, never looked like herself
With her red lipstick and fishnets, mommy boarded the bus
Working from car to car just to feed all of us
I always felt bad for mommy cus she got home 4am
Only an hours time until she boarded that bus again
Til one day Daddy finally came home, with lipstick on his face
He started yelling at mommy, asking “what happened to this place?’
Mommy yelled back at daddy “I’m dirt poor
You left me alone and now I can’t care for them no more”
Throwing her around, she yelled for us to go outside
Mommy took some pills, and that’s how mommy died
Mommy’s free from daddy, an Angel in the sky
I miss my mommy so much, and I never said goodbye.
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this is an incredible poem. it’s powerful and sad. my heart goes out for you. you are extremely brave for letting out ur feelings, and u are an amazing writer.
d31
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i really really like this…nah i love this, just the way everything fits…i almost shed a tear…almost. you’re really good with words…i hope this is not a true story.
I think the rhyme scheme was done well. I feel like it would have been more powerful if the word “mommy” was used less. Maybe by combining it with other words children use for their mothers like… “momma”, “mom”, etc. But that’s just my opinion.
I liked it. I think it can be stronger and more moving. Just needs a little something. Something to make it really grab the reader. I hope this was helpful.
How very macabre a piece. You instantly sympathize and want to help the person whom is telling the story.
I was too wrapped up in this poem to notice anything wrong with it. It’s really good and it touched me. The way the innocent eye- narration is used is very fitting. god job.
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