Poetry / poem.6: "Hannah" (Analysis)

I thought this was good. Elegant.  Told it story clearly.  If I was to look for criticism I would want some more interesting/unusual imagery (‘cuddled together on the couch’ is very prose like for instance).  I liked ‘warmest in winter’ and I liked the ‘yarn not knit’.  If you went for more unusual imagery of course you risk not being understood…

I love this. The way you used letters and syllables to symbolize love was amazing. When I was finished reading this poem, my mouth was wide open. There were a few times where I found myself whispering “awwww.” I was hoping you’d have the ‘warm a few hearts’ criteria just so I could give you a 9. I really love this poem. I could definitely see it in a poetry book. The ONLY criticism I have is the “that is closely woven and warmest in the Winter” section. That line seems very different from those on either side of it. Great overall, though.

I am not sure about “equilibrium of candle-lit dinner
                     plates that exists”

I can see the picture, but I think you could have said it better.  It seems a bit clumsy.

Don’t get me wrong, I think this is very good, but I’m trying to make some constructive criticisms.

Second stanza:  you use the phrase “we would simply be syllables and letters” and then you jump into the yarn imagery.  I think you should stick with the yarn at this point.  You bring up the syllables and letters making a word later, and you do it well.

spacing is a bit odd for me in some places. but other than that i really liked it

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May 08, 2008

by j_wesley

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odd spacing?  can you be a little specific?  nothing in the poem is accidental so it would help to know what doesn’t work.

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Some of the spacing takes away from the flow… other than that I quite enjoyed it.

Pretty splendid, I guess Hannah is a palindrome, and that is a really fun way to start the poem off. I think that you ended weakly, even without the last stanza entirely this poem works better. I also am no great fan of “you&I”, I think it looks childish and takes away from a beautifully written poem.  Upon reading this again, it seems clear to me that the last stanza is an afterthought. I really don’t like it very much at all.