Criticism / Ein Fuhrer (Analysis)

“One of the least survivors” – is that supposed to be *last

“For I shall smile upon their corpse and ask God to forgive me for my deed.” – what deed? I like the poem and I am not a fan of poetry. I understood it all up to this bit, where i am quite confused… interested to hear your and others interpretation of that.

I love this piece, it is very strong. You write this well enough that I can picture this person and imagine what they are feeling.

insight = in sight

also in this line:’One of the least survivors’ did you mean last? I’m not sure least works as well within the rest of the context of the piece.
Also I might rework this line: ‘Alone I’ve become and weak is my compassion’ it reads a bit clumsily. The ending is so powerful, a swift blow that I would consider dropping ‘for’, it’s not needed and only detracts from the strength. “for I will” versus “I WILL”

I’m being nitpicky, of course. Overall I thought this was superb. Well done!

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August 29, 2008

by AmyWalker

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No I actually like it “I WILL” makes it sound morem powerful indeed thanks for the pointers I shall defintely use it…

Thanks again,

Amy

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I kinda like this; it speaks to humanism in th esense of nature law; in terms of socialization.  I would let other things out as well and see who else agrees.

One thing I have to say before I begin, you fudged the last line a little bit. Is it more than one person that he wants to kill?
I’m not sure what this is critizing, the survivors, or Hitler, and it scares me a little. Maybe if you explained what part you were critizing, I would understand it better.
As for uniqueness, you definately have that covered. This is the only poem I’ve read of it’s kind, and that’s cool. I hope this review was helpful.

This is very different form the normal things i read. To me it seemed you were very passionate about writing this piece. I didn’t know if you would consider it poetry but that’s what i thought of it as. My favorite part in this

Punishment will come on swift wings
I will not show mercy
nor will I weep

I don’t know this part just popped out at me. It was just so real. It showed a ton of emotion.
I really liked this

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July 05, 2008

by AmyWalker

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Thank you! I love history yknw alot of people don’t know how fascinating history is to them it’s just a past no one wants to know about but you give it the time and effort it could show you alot things well in my opinion anyways but thank you so much for your review and I’m glad you liked it too that is actually my favourite line as well.

Thanks again,

Amy

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This is something to be proud of!
Poetry as a critique is a very smart idea.
I have always liked when writers but a little more into a simple review and describe it in such an artfully done way.
Good job!

This is certainly different. Nice rhythm, and I love the last line. It stands apart and pulls it all together quite nicely.

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June 30, 2008

by AmyWalker

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Thanks man!

=)

July 02, 2008

by PrepPunkWannabe

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Not a problem.

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Not really critical, but I think it is well written and a really wonderful piece.    Nice job.  I hope to see more from you.

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June 09, 2008

by AmyWalker

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Thank you very much, oh the criticism is there alright, it’s just not in black in white for everyone to see thats all and thats why I love this piece…

But thank you for your review and I’m glad that you enjoyed it…

Thanks again,

Amy

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This was different.  At first when I read it I thought it was from the victim’s perspective.  That is until the last line.  Then I realized it wasn’t.  You know, that’s one of the things about group think that bothers me.  Even today in war, I often ask myself is it okay to kill?  If you are given orders does that excuse what you’re doing?  I don’t think so.  

But during that time, people didn’t think that way.  Many of the soliders thought they were doing the right thing.  In the case of this one, I’m not so sure if he’s asking for forgiveness.  

It’s a shame that there’s no childhood.  The Jews suffered, the gastpo suffered.  It was just sad all the way around.

Very insightful.

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June 08, 2008

by AmyWalker

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Yeah, I understand where your coming from definitely, today in regards to war, you go and follow orders once you’ve reached your destination, but when the crunch comes to the crunch politics goes straight out the window and it’s not the mission you’re fighting for in the end, it’s your life. It’s dog eat dog out there when at war
and it’s either kill or be killed. It’s like a self-defence thing in the world of war you have no choice but to kill but in everyday life, when not at war you have a choice… I have actually written a poem to do with this sort of thing that I’m talking about I should post it up again, and you can let me know what you think of it.

But anyways I am glad that you found this very insightful and I hoped you liked it as well… and I thank you for your review, I appreciate it.

Thanks again,

Amy

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BRILLIANT!!! Each line had its own story “Alone I’ve become and weak is my compassion
No childhood,
No freedom,
The stench still lingers within my frame of mind” i find these lines tremendous! You showed remorse and compassion but anger and vengenence at the same time. It was incredible to read and imagine. The way it ended was incredible, asking for forgiveness…it could not of had a more perfect ending. WELL DONE!!! I absolutely loved it!

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June 08, 2008

by AmyWalker

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Thank you so much, I appreciate people who take the time to actually read with their heart and not their mind.

Thanks alot for your review, I enjoyed writing it as much as you enjoyed reading it =)

Cheers,

Amy

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