Poetry / From Solitude (Analysis)

you have a powerful muse..
the beginning “a sea of flesh: incongruous lines delineating boundaries upon the surface…”
it comes from the primal unity then drags itself to a place where we as humans in this age can harmonize with its vibration then it goes into the swelling pain that such false limitations is bound to create, if you can “leave the flesh and return.” with it I’m sure the musings will be very profound almost prophetic…

excellent poetry & art, & thank you for allowing it to flow through you

The opening two lines being in another language reeks of pretentiousness in my opinion and may serve to alienate those readers that aren’t multilingual. Considering your use of the English language through the rest of the work, the intro seems quite unnecessary.

That being said, some people don’t get it/like it/whatever, but I love abstract poetry. Anything that has a powerful image and a strong pace really turns my crank and I count this as falling in that range. It’s quite easy to read. There are no sections that really stand out as feeling “jerky” or “tacked-on.” The usage of vocabulary is excellent.

The last three lines seem a bit weak, but mostly because I don’t like sequential lines that are repetitive. The four lines before the break are excellent though.

Tighten it up a little bit and lose the “look at me I speak more than one language and want you to know it” intro and this would be a super poem. Good work.

• add/view comments (1)

October 30, 2008

by diegolandia

personal info reviewer stats

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
21	53.8% (13 votes)	29.8%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
25	M	LA, CA	October 21

I appreciate your review but i would like to state that the use of spanish in the poem has less to do with pretentiousness,than it does with the simple fact that this is kinda how a bilingual mind works, in english, the first two lines mean “within my most private dreams” to me it just FELT better to write it in spanish. If you ask any person who is multilingual i beleive they will agree that certain words or phrases carry a stronger sensation in one language or the other.I do however completely agree with the tightening advice, thank you for your review!!

You must login to the site or create an account in order to post a comment.

I’m curious to know what you were listening to that brought forth this deep message. Certainly not something poppy and silly. This is an intense poem. I like the imagery that is brought forth when I read it.

This is quite an interesting piece. The idea behind it is one that I’ve never seen before, but I can identify with it because I have felt the pulse of music as well. The only thing that I would like to point out is that “blasphemes” should be spelled “blasphemies.” I enjoyed reading this poem. Thank you for sharing! :>)

A very intense poem as I enjoyed your descriptive words.

This reads well, and I like the word choices and rhythm very much. The meaning is less accessible to me…even with your explanation of the inspiration, I’m not sure what the message is to be. That said, lots of people say the same thing about my work. :) I don’t think it’s necessarily a bad thing to be beautifully mysterious.

I wish I had something profound to say about this piece.  I don’t really know how to assign a meaning to it, as it reads like Grey’s Anatomy mixed with contemporary poetry.  It feels disjointed to me, like you are pointing at something in the distance only to find the object gone when you look again.  I appreciate the vocabulary quiz, I too possess that gift, but it has to have something behind it.  The imagery fails as it doesn’t complete it’s picture and if vault from one picture to another.  Mile-wide hematoma? on the surface of a sea of flesh, that seems small. primordial language erupts? erupts from what, the scabs? thunders towards gravity? gravity is a force, not a destination.

The final questions you ask have no apparent connection to your piece.  You should translate in your reviewers notes the private dreams bit in the beginning, I don’t speak spanish and had to translate it elsewhere, usually I would be too lazy for that.

Your senses serve you well, your use of medical metaphors! interesting to me as my background dictates I should. Being as this is directed to a specific audience it may not find favor everywhere!
It is sensitive and well written. Thank you for the post.

Takes an original and unique person to write this. Takes an extraordinary mind to be impregnated by this piece. Nice!

Very nicely done—I only wish I knew what the first two lines said.
Spanish, I assume?