Poetry / *He remembers forgotten beauty or The backbone of the world (Analysis)

I didn’t really get it…it doesn’t pass the “so what?” test. There was no purpose to the writing for me. The line breaks didn’t serve any purpose except to start a new line… there was no flow… neither title provides insight or really relates to the poem. You had a good vocabulary of the colors. That’s all I can really say. You seem to have the thoughts in your head, but are struggling with the mechanics of it all. Keep trying, maybe do some exercises with form, then start writing free verse again.

Very well written.  Thought provoking for those who don’t believe in God as it is true that there is a God.  Good job.  Try to get it published…

You have some very good lines here; the only thing I would suggest by way of critique is fixing the line breaks – they seem not to serve any purpose as they are, and you can use them to emphasize certain words or phrases.  

“Traveling on a road that takes
you all the way to the sun”
This is probably my favorite line; it’s absolutely beautiful.  The voice and tone of the piece is consistent throughout; you really have done a fantastic job here – I don’t have anything else to say by way of criticism, other than the line breaks.

I liked how you kept everything connected. Well written.

maybe i didn’t read this right, but i felt like it didn’t flow very well. maybe i just don’t know poetry, but it felt choppy to me. you did have very good descriptions, though.

This is a good poem.  The purpose of poetry is to give the reader a direct experience of the poet and therefor him or herself.  You did this here.  I am sure some others will point out the minor grammmar or syntax problems so I’ll stick to the big picture.  The last two lines evoke all the beauty of the human soul and the one in all of us.  Nice job.  Keep writing.  Practise makes perfect.

This is an excellent piece! It flows very well and portrays your main idea exceptionally well. I especially enjoyed the last stanza with the sunset description! It was really superb! Thank you for sharing this and keep up the good work!! :>)