Poetry / Cowboy of the Sea

WOW, i really like this one. I haven’t read the first one, but this one is amazing. You are right though,some stanzas don’t quite fit, but that makes for fun reading. The work has a definite rhythm, similar to the rolling of waves, regular yet irregular at the same time. Good job.

The poem is not a bad poem, to me the last stanza seems out of place, I would like to see it before

“Oh we were free! Without Nintendo,
plumbing, electricity or
tv.”

and that as the last stanza, though that is just my suggestion.

One more question is why are you trying to compare the sea to the wild west?? I just didn’t really see the connection?  I would like to here back from you leave me a comment.

I liked the parallels drawn here, but not sure about the western theme.

This is pretty random and all over the place. I recommend that you structure yourself a bit. However, I’m not much of a poetry person and it could just be my personal bias.

I’m taking you to the late
20th Century Wild West.
Wild, wild bearded west
where we buck tides
instead of stallions and
wrangle salmon,
not steak.

That was my favourite part. And I was expecting fishermen riding seahorses into the ocean sunset, or something. Fishermen vs mermaids… poker at the docks… harpoon showdowns at dawn…

‘delivered our Pony Express station, KVOK’ I liked that bit too.
‘Picture this:’ Could do without this.

Still, I think it’s well written. Maybe could have more wild west comparisons. I didn’t feel the connection in the last few stanzas.

I smiled when I read this. VERY well done!  It really set the scene and I cuold imagine it in my head.

Good writing, showing that one does not have to rhyme to be a poet.  Keep on writing like this for sure!

I think you should include the last verse. I liked this poem, but the flow seemed a little off. I just felt jarred when I read it.

Interesting view on a life I don’t live, thank you for taking me there.

Maybe it’s just me, but I would definitely put the missing stanza “Oh we were free! Without Nintendo, plumbing, electricity or tv.” back in.  I really like this  piece overall and the warm blanket of nostalgia it invokes.
Kudos!

Hi,
You have some great bones in this poem!  I have to admit I first opened up the poem because the title intrigued me, “Cowboy of the Sea”.  I love how you compare life in Alaska (our last wilderness), to the wild west.  It is a comparison that is quite successful throughout the piece.  There are lots of images and sonics to love in this work.  Breaking it down for you:

I love the second strophe.  The alliteration of the w is very pleasant and the image “where we buck tides” is beautiful.  I don’t think you need the second “we” before wrangle.  I think it reads nicer with it simply removed.

About the only image I had a problem with in the entire piece was:
“brides and kin
float planes glide them in.”  It reads like the brides and kin are floating planes, since float can be used as both a verb and noun.  In this same strophe, however, are two of my favorite images in the poem; “outboard motors coughing life” and “where dust is not and fish scales are”.  Fantastic.

“My home/my first place of heart” is a lovely image and sentiment.

I confess I had to look up the word “seines”, but I was picturing big buoys even before hitting the dictionary because of the necklace description, so the image had me there even when I wasn’t sure what the word meant.  Here I also wanted the stream to have some modifier like “our stream” or be plural “streams” like the following “boards”.

I almost wanted “Yes” or “Again” before the second “Jumper”.  I really enjoyed the repetition of before here.  What a simple and great way of showing lots of days!

“Up to its engine in barnacles” another wonderful image.

I really don’t think you need the second to last strophe.  Not only is it a brash image set down amid the poetic words before and after, but you’ve successfully shown this very thing in the rest of the poem.  I don’t think you need to tell us it at all.

The ending is a very nice culmination of the poem.  ”They are- I was – I remain inside”  - wonderfully put!

Some nitpicky grammar: red-head daughter, silver-bellied, except (no s) after “native shadows”

Thanks for a great read!  I hope I’m fortunate enough to see the revision as well.