She is a young girl, 20’s, who keeps finding herself in the same situations throughout her life.
And that the memories of situations past keep haunting her.
It’s a poem about being unable to let go of your past and continuing to dwell on mistakes and failures.
Poetry / Looking Back
“So naive.
So broken.
Unaware of the things that could be.
Constantly looking back to the past.
Blind-sided by things that haunt her now,
Because she always looks back.
Overwhelmed by regret and guilt,
No room for hopes and dreams.
Looking back she sees herself as she is now,
Unchanged…
Still looking back.
Look ahead to the future!
But she continues as always.
Her opportunities become chances that cannot be taken.
She still looks back,
Reminded of losses and failures that have repeated themselves,
Fears that continue to frighten her,
Words she never said,
Hugs she never gave,
Chances she never took,
Love she never shared,
A side of herself she never acknowledged,
Continues to call her,
Answering…she continues looking back.”
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starblue reviewed Version 1 -
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It is a sad poem in free verse, varying line lengths. It fits with the morose theme of this.
It has caps and punctuation throughout. Some of the lines would benefit from tightening .
For instance:
V1,
L4: could change to
“Constantly looking to the past” the ‘back’ is implied
L5 leave off the ‘now’ it is implied
L6 leave off ‘because’ it, too is implied
It will be stronger and not change the meaning
V2
There is an circular feel to the last three lines.
V3
L1: leave off ‘future’
Or ‘ahead’ they say the same thing’ only one is needed
L2, leave off the ‘as always’ it is implied within the body of the theme
L3 maybe expand here to
Opportunities become chances
Chances than cannot be taken.
V4 needs to be divided
Maybe a break after line 6
Line 2: “Reminded of repeated losses and failures”
L3: Fears continue to frighten (her is implied, no need to state it)
L8: leave off the ‘she’ not needed
L9 leave off the her, not needed
L10 make a line break after
‘Answering…
she continues looking back’
The changes are only suggestions, but they will tighten it up and not change the meaning or alter the theme. good luck
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poetking reviewed Version 1 -
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Please can i read more of your work! i like it a lot and it should be published, if it hasn’t already been published
Roger reviewed Version 1 -
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Lacks flow or rhythm, but does convey emotion and feeling, needs work on structure and key wording.
AVRP reviewed Version 1 -
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The unevenness of the stanzas makes it a little awkward, I think. However, its a very good poem and has a lot of promise. I think we should know more about who ‘she’ is. A young lover wistful? An old maiden bitter? A widow lonely once more? Mayhaps its all of these and yet none? I must know more!
Keep on writing. This is very good.
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