Poetry / virtigous scalpel

I think that if you capitalized the stanzas like everybody else people would take you much more serious on this site, and any publisher would also.

Otherwise I really like this poem. It has a flow to it, and I’m not quite sure what you’re writing about, but the animosity makes it very intriguing. Very nice work here.

very dark…i got lost then you found me towards the end…good.

It was unclear at times, and the punctuation left a bit to be desired, but this really is a great poem.
Your metaphors compelled me to the world of the poem. You should be proud. There’s very real talent there.
9/10

I loved the opeining and then it tails off into abstraction.  i’d like to be clearer about what is hapening here and why the form changes in the second half

Very smooth and gripping.  I couldn’t divert my eyes as though I was watching something beautiful or horrible develop before my eyes.  I love how disconnected and abstract the words seem, but how tightly the piece is glued together with the images of birthing.  I’m curious about some of the word usage. “virtigous” for example isn’t even a word as far as I know, and I’m left trying to guess what you meant by it.  I was also lost by the line “leaden but spinning” what is made of lead?  I just couldn’t complete the picture.  9 out of 10 anyway, nice work.

You sound angry my friend. In this poem, that works well . Keep it up. My roads been hard, too. I push the anger back like a wall falling in on me, so I get your poem. Nice. Stormy Monday

I found the imagery somehow erotic and angry at the same time.  I was unable to identify the subject of the poem or even really the theme but as a new fan of poetry I’m beginning to think that those things are not the point.  I’m beginning to believe that poetry is about how it makes you feel and what it makes you see, the things half remembered within you.  This poem for some reason I cannot at once identify made me want to go downstairs crawl into bed and hold my wife while she sleeps, and lay awake worried.  I wish I knew why.

it was good.
didnt get it.
but still enjoyable.

It is you’re.  You are.  The most misunderstood word in the English language.

An ego

a rant

an ache.

Everything I want in a woman.

I want to be the balm of your ravaged soul.

Strong opening. I like the interplay between the narrator and the subject who cowers, and how that is reflected by the poetic structure. I very much get the sense of someone who’s resigned, at the end of her rope, yet knows she’s strong enough to carry on once the ties have been cut. Good word choice, although “brass tacks” stood out to me as unneccessary—but then, I don’t know the story behind the work.