Poetry / Warriors Tribute

Its a nice blank verse, I would have put “are” in the line that goes “gunshots music to his ears”  Another problem I have with this poem is the title.  This isn’t exactly a tribute.  More of an explanation.  Maybe you should try continueing the poem by telling why these traitss are good for a warrior, why he or she needs them

i really liked this poem especially how the last sentence ties everything together and is thought provoking, makes you open your eyes to the reality of a warrior’s mentality and the rewards we reap as a result

makes you really understand how you feel…good work

i loved the ..and an encounter with his enemy. chilling to jump from ordinary loves to that. have you tried reading it out could and playing with the rhythm of teh language.  i think that might give it something new…

Straight to the point, evocative of a battleground, especially as I am not anything remotely to do with military. The tempo is well thought out and used. The beginning especially, as it gives the feeling of a soldier getting ready to fight, and then the tempo changes to the fight itself and again slowing to a more reflective tempo, to the final punch “Give to him the gift of war//
And receive in return the freedoms he bleeds for” – it doesn’t jump around at all (at least I don’t think so.)Fantastic.

aI really liked this heartfelt and emotional poem that you’ve composed. I gave you nine on both of your ratings.

The only thing that I would add, would be an apostrophe to the “warriors” in each sentence if they’re possessive.

This is a great poem and I really enjoyed reading your thoughts. Thank you so much for giving the readers an opportunity to hear what you have experienced.

I thank you for your service to our nation as a Marine and to all others who still serve, some of who have perished.

Best wishes to you.
Rhonda

A humble home to a patriot.

This line was confronting to me. I enjoy writing about military subjects, but I am very Australian, in that, I am apathetic about my country and I cannot sunscribe to this patriotism.

I found this piece slightly alienating. Your desires seem very base. I am not belittling your experience, war makes all men equal. But it is also confronting to me to face the baser side of men.

I respect everything you stand for, but with reservation. That is not to say that this is not an effective piece of writing, because it certainly is. Perhaps think about including some more imagic phrases.

I can sense that this feels complete and right to you, so perhaps if this is what you need to express, I respect this. It is very raw and I can feel the heat of your emotion.

I think that more people could do with a reminder that marines, or military personnel everywhere, are more than just images on the news. War poetry is also a way to gain a human insight into our heritage, both martially and personally, and it would be a shame to think that future generations might not have that reference for more modern conflicts. I like your poem a lot. It should be shared ~

Paul

The beginning (mostly the positioning of the second line) sounds off somehow…maybe re-wording it?  On the sixth line:”...in the battlefields” – I would change it to ”...on the battlefields”.  I would put a hyphen on the 22nd line: “Gunshots (-) music to his ears.”.  The last line should be re-worded…maybe a relative pronoun inserted?

I really enjoyed this poem.  It is a peak into a Marine’s world and I like how you started with this and flowed into your opnion in regards to the “relationship” between the sacrifices of the Marine and the citizen.  Both are right on key in my opinion, but a bit of organization would definatly clarify your message (which is probably both).  Break the poem into stanzas (it also makes it easier reference for reviews lol).

I enjoyed the line, “Red splatter from a close encounter.”, it has a nice sound to it.  Maybe a comma instead of a period at the end of it would make it flow better with the next line.

Lastly, as a recently discharged (honorably of course) artillery Marine and Iraqi vet, I applaud your very nostalgic poem, although I think a differant medium (like an essay) would be more effective (probably why I almost never wrote a poem directly involved with the Marine Corps.)  I don’t make a habit of it, but Semper Fidelis.

fucking perfect. i am usually harsh but this is amazing, i mean wow. this is really good. i havent seen anything that struck me like this on here, and i am no soldier but this hits like a bullet. this is so vivid, this what seperates good from great. this is very great. i want so see more, wow.