Thanks for the review! Good point about line 3. I’ll fix that. (There was no real point to the comma there.) I agree with what you said about contemporary poetry. It seems that poets are either afraid to say something fearing it will offend or they go for the shock value and all they do is try to offend (meanwhile failing to actually say anything). Poetry, for me, has to have a point, or why bother writing. Sometimes that means being borderline offensive, but never simply for the sake of being offensive.
Poetry / Identity Theft
With the loss of oil derricks,
And the fall of Enron,
With high rise condos
Taking over established slums,
Cowboy boots gave way to
Combat boots & Birkenstocks
A resurgence of culture
From the wreckage of roads
Still in progress
We nod, tip our imaginary hats
As we say “Mornin ya’ll”
With a drawl to your clichés
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February 04, 2006
Deleted User
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I like the line, “Cowboy boots gave way to
Combat boots & Birkenstocks,” but I’m not sure what you meant it to mean. Were we once all cowboys and now we’re pro-military blue collar workers or 100% cotton wearing academics? I’m not sure. But it’s interesting. And I want more. And the cliches line. Blahaha. Okay. I find that funny in the good way. I want more though, and tightened. What were you going for? I love this poem and I’m not sure why I want to know what you meant, though, and I want to help you tighten to to mean what you meant though. It’s a little loose, but very cool. Kind of Gisbergish.
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cindykelly reviewed Version 1 -
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I love poems of place, and this one really says something specific. A lot of problems with contemporary poetry is that people are so afraid of saying something offensive they say nothing at all. This has a very strong message and it’s written well.
I don’t understand the punctuation in lines 3-4, because without the endcomma of 3, the enjambment would be really great. With the comma, I’m not sure what your intent was?
The alliteration with wreckage and roads in stanza 2 line 2 is excellent. This short piece packs a big punch.
Smwalm reviewed Version 1 -
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I liked this. A bit bitter to the stereotypes and pointed about advancments and downfalls. Good job.
Bloody_Siren reviewed Version 1 -
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At first I wasn’t sure what to think of this. I had to read it over to form a solid oppinion. This, to me, is the realization that the world has changed, but not all in a good way. I like the line “Cowboy boots gave way to Combat boots” That really held my attention.
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