thanks for taking the time to review it.
Poetry / Imagination Will Carry (Analysis)
Imagination Will Carry
by dcc
How far can you go alone
Travel to places listed unknown
Somewhere that doesn’t exist
Only in your mind a hazy mist
Take me there take me back
The world I live in is under attack
How come I feel so depressed
Try to stay focused its hard to digest
A place of peace with no madness
The jewel of heaven minus the sadness
All I can do is just think about what if
Walking right off the edge of the cliff
I can live forever and be content
Time spent here is time well spent
But slowly and surely I come back down
My heart is lost and not coming around
Our petty differences get in the way
Dreams of peace are shattered away
Where is god? Why all this pain?
Unanswerable questions I try to obtain.
This place I think is such an illusion
The end of your life is the final conclusion
No more looking forward and dreaming
The final chapter ironically seeming
I am well on my way to a new direction
With no fear of my ultimate rejection
Is this my mind making a false aberration
Keep it under control or is that my imagination
You need to log in to urbis or create an urbis account to review this writing.
Reviews
Sort Reviews by Newest | Oldest | Highest Quality | Lowest Quality | Newest Comments |
avidwriter29099 reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
good rhyme scheme. very philosophical
- add/view comments (1)
DaniRai reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
I enjoyed this piece. It was easy to understand and read. I got the impression that this could be about a relationship gone bad from the lines ” our petty differences get in the way dreams of peace are shattered away.” That in the end though there is a coming to terms.. almost. most enjoyable and can be related to by anyone.
TourmentedSoulz reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
Our imaginations do indeed , carry us to places never before seen and this is quite frankly the most beautiful explanation of this that i have seen yet. “Is this my mind making a false aberration Keep it under control or is that my imagination” ..... This plays on the mind quite a bit and makes one question if indeed reality is real or a perception of ones own imagination and mind. Seek an agent, you are talented !!
jeffrey1234 reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
This is a great poem. It talks about a perfect place but also reveals the harsh realities of real life. There is one change I would make to this though. You wrote
“But slowly and surely I come back down
My heart is lost and not coming around”
For some reason, these two lines just don’t fit together very well. In the first line you are talking about how slowly and surely you are coming back, but then you go on to say that your heart is lost. These two statements contradict each other. Otherwise though, it is obvious you spent lots of time writing this poem, and you did a good job.
moonlitjade reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
I liked this poem I can relate to it really well every day and every time I think of the world around me and how well I have it and how screwed I still am this is how I feel. You have done the one thing I couldn’t do which is put my thoughts and feelings into flowing words. I loved the rhyming scheme as well.
streamwalker2001 reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
i liked this… a lot… well written… i like the kernel of hope wrapped inside this poem… thanks for sharing!
j_cafesin reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
These are nice proses and they all rhyme in a lyrical sort of way. I didn’t really care for the first stanza. It felt kind of cliche and forced rhymes. I like the second a lot though:
-Take me there take me back
The world I live in is under attack
How come I feel so depressed
Try to stay focused its hard to digest
I could relate to these words and they drew imagery.
But then you lost me on the forth stanza:
-I can live forever and be content
Time spent here is time well spent
But slowly and surely I come back down
My heart is lost and not coming around
I was with you until you became ominpetent. Until this, I thought you were like me, but now I’m thinking you’re a god who can exist at will.
I’m not good with abstractions though, so unless it’s totally clear, I lose the string. I never really pick it back up and some of the expression seem cliche. I’d watch out for that:
-This place I think is such an illusion
The end of your life is the final conclusion
and
-Our petty differences get in the way
Dreams of peace are shattered away
Cliche’s are easy to fall back on and you might want to try reworking a few of these lines to be your unique voice.
Good luck with the piece.
J. Cafesin
www.jcafesin.com
Showing 1 - 7 of 7
Review item
Add to favesCreator
Relevant Links
Item Stats
GENERAL
7 Reviews 5 Comments
Version 1
Latest Activity: 5 months ago
REVIEW QUEUE
Appeared in Queue: 0 Times
Skipped: 7 Times
Ratings & Rankings
