Humor/Satire / A Sermon for the Masses

Today I would like to talk about somethin’ that none of us can escape from. It is time to address this most horrible plague that has been sent by the devil to plague us all. You all know what I am talkin’ about. You see them everywhere. You see them in fast food restaurants. You run into them in stores. You hear them at school, you are beset by them at work, and you are SWAMPED by them whenevah you venture out onto the roads. Yes, you all know what I am talkin’ about. Those wretched sinners of the worst kind. The unrepentent unwashed masses of pure evil that plague us all today. Today I am talkin’ about stupid people, my friends. Their idiocy is the evil that is the ROOT of all other evils. It is the evil of stupid people, the dirty, filthy SIN of idiots that RUINS the precious world that our glorious Lawd above has granted to us. What I have to say to you today I say to give you comfort. These creatures think that they can continue with their horrible deeds. They believe they will get away with wallowin’ in their foul ignorance. They feel that their witlessness will be forgiven, that their imbecility will go UNPUNISHED! My friends, I say to you today that this is not so! The great Lawd does not forgive fools! God shall blast the stupid people with lightnin’! He shall smite them with fire from HELL! They will burn for their sin of idiocy! Unless they RECANT their evil ways and return to the LIGHT they will WRITHE in everlasting TORMENT! The great and holy Lawd of intelligence will strike them DOWN and they will ROT in their filthy graves! And when they are burning in the fiery pit all the demons of hell will LAUGH at their pain and they will REGRET their moronic ways! They will cry out in SHAME at their wrongdoin’! They will sob in TERROR of their just punishment as the maggots FEAST on their unclean flesh! They will get down on their knees and BEG for forgiveness, BEG for release from the AGONY they have brought upon themselves! And will God release these unwholesome fools from the lake of fire? I say to you NO! If they do not change their immoral ways NOW then they will NOT find release from the rain of brimstone that will fall upon them in the afterlife! They will BURN! They will SCREAM in everlasting anguish! And when their flesh is ripped from their bodies by cacklin’ fiends they will weep with REMORSE for their corrupt ways! Amen and HALLELUJIA, praise the Lawd! Remember these things when you are next confronted by an individual with less intelligence than an unbuttahed piece of toast. This knowledge will give you comfort, even though you aren’t quite able to do anythin’ permanent about the offendin’ person because unfortunately there are laws against killin’ these disgustin’ creatures. Now let us kneel and pray. Pray that these sickenin’ idiots will all die and meet their fate soon.