Short Story / Clay (Analysis)
Rebecca lived in a land where construction and reconstruction were as simple as molding clay. In fact, the streets, buildings and even people were made of clay. Individual appearance was superfluous as one day’s description differed from the next. Jealousy was but a whim easily curable with the slightest craftsmanship.
One day Rebecca, while walking to the market, came across an elegant clay magazine dyed in the brightest inks. Etched on the front cover was a face and the name Justine, or so the magazine claimed in a subscript of cuneiform. It didn’t really matter to Rebecca who the person was. By now, most people walking into town that morning looked like Justine. There was no way of telling who the real Justine was, just a way of weeding out poor craftsmen. Young Rebecca, her own face undefiled by reshaping hands, began to feel a sense of overwhelming insecurity as she compared every last detail of her clay face to that of the etched Justine. Rebecca’s nose was a bit longer and seemed to flatten out more towards the eyes. Her ears were lower and her skin a lighter gray. Her eyes were narrow and straight and didn’t form downward crescents like Justine’s did when she smiled. The differences were unbearable.
Rebecca ran home and swept the dust off an old mirror. Analyzing the magazine, she began molding and shifting her clay face and body to better resemble Justine. She scraped chunks of clay from her body and smoothed it out. She moved her ears up and molded a shorter nose. She shaped and widened her eyes. She spent five hours detailing every last aspect of her face with laser precision until the final product perfectly replicated Justine.
Rebecca was ecstatic to walk to the market with a new face. Justine gave her a chance at a new life and a chance to be socially accepted. Soon after walking amongst multiple people who looked just like her, however, Rebecca quickly realized that something was wrong. Beauty was conformity towards an appearance defined by the mass. Individuality was dead in her world. True beauty, easily overlooked, lives within little details. It thrives in a goofy laugh, a slight slant in a smile, or a prurient glance. Beneath the freshly molded faces, hundreds of personalities languished, trapped beneath the mask that society placed on them for today.
As she started walking home she noticed the stands were placing out new magazines for the next day. One elegant clay magazine dyed in the brightest ink stood out. A face was carved on the front cover. Below it read: “Katelyn.”
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This story teaches a necessary lesson in life. Rebecca understood that lesson. Be yourself and accept who you are, in spite of the world’s changing facets and faces. Also, each one of us is unique in a different way. I appreciate the way you captivated my interest without any preaching. At the very least, you have succeeded in entertaining.
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I like this story, it’s a twist, and the end is a nice touch of cynicism. I think the entire piece was really good until the part directly after ‘new life and chance…socially accepted.’ What comes after that is really YOUR opinion, and you’re telling it, instead of indicating it through showing. I agree, but you need to show us, not tell us. Describe how her step slows as she parades past numerous forgettable faces. How her eyes lose their spark as she passes image after image of her new self. How she reaches up to brush away clay hair and feels a piece of clay skin she missed, and her eyes glaze, etc.
I love the end, showing how she’ll be eternally shaping and molding to some new standard. I think you did this really well, and overall, it’s really a very creative piece. I look forward to reading more pieces.
All right. You got me. I laughed at the end of the story, if only for the irony of how it relates to the real world. I didn’t see any grammatical errors, nor did I see any problems with the story as a whole.
It’s sad how often we compare ourselves to those around us and how often people (such as Rebecca) will attempt to change themselves into a sickening version of beauty. Excellent story and I appreciate you sharing!
I like the piece due to the moral of the story.
I would have tightened up the first paragraph to move it along a little quicker. I felt that it was a little slow, but after the first paragraph the piece moved fairly quickly.
This line I would have changed it to an active version: “Rebecca was ecstatic to walk to the market with a new face.” Maybe “Wearing her new face, Rebecca was ecstatic as she walked to the market.”
Other than that I thought it was a great piece with a very good moral!
Wayne
I love the use of clay and remolding to the front covers. Your thoughts were expressed very clearly, original and the flow made it very easy reading to follow. Publishable? I never know what they are looking for in this area. But, this is very well written. Hence, don’t be shy or sensitive, go for it.—Good Luck.
This is an interesting storyline. I like how it shows that it is human nature to want to be someone else for some reason or another when in the end it just doesn’t fit and as a result just makes things worse. Did you ever read the childrens’ story “It Happened in Pinsk”? ”Clay” reminds me of that.
Great job!
Writing is strong with good sentence structure, imagery, logical progression, and appropriate paragraph breaks. Cannot comment on content since I am biased against writing that pushes an agenda in the guise of a story.
You could have gone on a bit further with this piece but it was highly effective the way that it stands. I must say, it was a bit different from the usual read on here and I can honestly say that I found it very, very enjoyable! Well written and all too true, it captures the world of what I call “plastic people” which differ little from the “clay people” that you describe herein. You’ve got a great great deal of talent and I encourage you to keep at it. This one scores a good old fashioned “perfect 10” with this reader. Nicely done!
Very thought provoking story. Though the concept of a world of clay as simplistic as you describe it opens a whole can of worms of it’s own i.e. how would anybody recognise anyone else if they looked different every day etc.
On it’s own, without extending your mind to the wide implications though, it’s a nice story with a clear message. I would like to see Rebecca’s personality developed a bit more though – if she is previously untouched and unchanged, why does she choose now to be something else? did something happen? is she unhappy?
Good work, love the imagery. Keep it up.
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