Poetry / Wait Until You Know, Grandpa

One other reviewer said something about the second line in the first stanza. I guess it is hard to peg, but the second line in the second stanza answers that question, the kids will eventually grow up and leave the house. I didn’t say “leave the house” because it didn’t fit, and I thought more people would get it. Many did, but now two haven’t. Maybe I need to think how to make that more clear.

The last stanza does point that out more strongly with the second and third line, but again, you didn’t catch it.

The repetition is something I like, even in some of my essays. I do notice that some don’t, and that is ok. I believe that among other things this kind of repetition supports the cadence of the piece, and in a poem like this, with no meter, cadence is important. The last stanza, where I used the word know was a deliberate jar out of cadence, a pause to let the poem catch up with the reader, so to speak, to create a space to understand that I was wrong in my beliefs.

Five children is not the point of the poem, it helps only in that it shows experience. I did not wish to dramatize it, and changed it back from the original,
(When I was a new father, again, and again,
And again, and again, and again I believed :)
This did dramatize the number and equaled out the lines in the stanzas, but I felt it detracted or distracted the reader from the message. The way you told it is not so distracting, but again, it takes one into the awesome accomplishment of raising five children and out the realization that they are not mine. It makes me seem great for having and raising them, and gives me a right to their obedience and loyalty. That is a distraction.

Thank you for your thoughtful review. I can tell you really pondered this little piece!

Thank you for your review. I am glad you like what you do about it.

I do read my poetry out loud. I read all poetry out loud. This has no rhythm, on purpose. It is about my kids. I have five. If they had rhythm they would all do the same things as they reached same ages. They are so different, this is never going to happen. They are similar, however, and the cadence of this piece just fits. Cadence and rhythm are two different things, but similar, like my kids are five different beings, but similar.

Have you ever had kids? They can be a bit jarring…

Your remark about the break to a new line is only partially correct. A poem should be read according to the punctuation, if it is included, not according to line breaks. So the last two lines of the first stanza, read aloud, would read like this: “Because I’m the parent and it’s what I say.”
The fact that I have a comma at the end of all the other lines only points back to this line, which brings up the last line, the redundancy issue you brought up. I did this on purpose; my goal is to point out the naiveté of the young father who thinks that his word is going to be enough. As the poem progresses, so does the father’s experience, and he becomes a little more savvy, until in the end his naiveté has become a small piece of wisdom. To use the line repetitively would defeat the purpose of said line.

Ok, I just did some online research, and it seems as though we are both right about punctuation.  Traditionally, punctuation has been mandatory in poetry, but many widely praised poets have used line breaks as pauses, such as E.E. Cummings, and in more modern styles of poetry they are used similarly as well.  In your poem, your punctuation is actually quite well utilized, especially considering your clarification of how it would read.  I take back my earlier statement.

And you won’t, until you are a parent.

Alas, I will not understand for a long time, then.

I read the “just small people” line as meaning that they were not only children, but people with dreams, desires, and ambitions of their own.

I did not abandon the idea that my family will always be together, I suggested the kids will eventually grow up and move away. The word “eventually” is not needless. It expresses the idea that this will take time, and provides the right number of syllables with the emphasis in the right places to support the cadence of the poem. Just because this piece has no meter does not mean it has no cadence.

One human being cannot belong to another human being. The very idea is repulsive to me, and yet the words “my children” seem to suggest something that is acceptable. It has taken me half a lifetime to understand that. I hope you can learn it before “your” children are too old.

You suggest that a poem has a thing it is supposed to do, you call it painting a picture. You suggest that a poem should not attempt to deal in abstracts. I believe you are mistaken in this. Poetry can have any form, or none, it can deal with ideas, concrete descriptions, or abstract concepts. Some of the best poetry is so ambiguous as to lend itself to a different interpretation by every single person who reads it. This is not, of course, that good, but if you have judged anybody elses poetry because it did not do what you think it should, then you are not a learned in the art of poetry, no matter how good your own verse is.

The suggested verse does not have the feel, the cadence or carry the concept I was trying to convey when I wrote this piece. Perhaps you should write your own poem, based on what you think mine should do. I am sorry I was not thinking about you when I wrote this. No I’m not. It was for me and my feelings this came to be. This is the essence of poetry. A poet who writes the feelings of others is a fraud.

“Some of the best poetry is so ambiguous as to lend itself to a different interpretation by every single person who reads it.”
Can you cite these poems? I don’t believe I’ve read them.
“It was for me and my feelings this came to be.”
Lots of people write stuff just to express themselves; they call it a diary. People put their stuff on writing sites in order to find out how it sounds to OTHER PEOPLE. If you’re only writing poetry for yourself, why are you putting it on Urbis?

Do you, then, profess to know what I feel, or think? Is your poetry based on others emotions? Or do you look inside yourself for what you want to say?
Actually I have seen where you get your poetry. Since it is not for yourself you do take it from others. You plagiarize large pieces from Shakespeare, claim it comes from him in the title, then put your name in place of the real author’s. You write “limericks” that don’t follow the strict form of a limerick.
You profess to be a poet, and yet have not studied even the simplest of poems and the one complex piece you have posted for public view is only partially your own work. Hmmm. It’s not really a big surprise that your experience with poetry is so small as to leave you thinking it has to deal with something concrete.
But wait. You have read Shakespeare. Doesn’t he, repeatedly, talk about love? Are you aware of that? Are you aware that love is an abstract idea?
Be careful what you say about things you know little about. Mark Twain once said “It is better to keep your mouth shut and let everyone think you are a fool, than to open it and remove all doubt.”

re
“You plagiarize large pieces from Shakespeare, claim it comes from him in the title”
LOL. Obviously the intent was to write a parody of a Shakespearean sonnet…I’m sure absolutely no one thought Shakespeare wrote what I wrote, nor would I have imagined they would!

Thank you. I always enjoy your reviews. It is good to see you are still here.

When things get busy at school, I tend to forget about the site. Sorry for always disappearing! Glad to know you’re still here and offering great advice and support