Oh in all respects this is only a rough version. I’m working on the updated one. ANd yes, the whispers were from the stranger, and though I didnt explain it outright, the whispers were form the starnger when he was time jumping at such fast intervals that Shepherd couldn’t se him, even though he could hear him. The language issue, stems from the fact that the Stranger had been trapped in an earlier timeline for a very long time (without time jumping), and had gained a mixture of dialects.
Sci Fi & Fantasy / The Brightest Setting Sun... (Analysis)
The Brightest Setting Sun…
1 “The sunset, it seeks us out in turn and changes us from within. For when that light is brightest, the truth of the world becomes clear. Seek the light, and welcome the warm embrace”
It was August 1998 and Shepherd Jones awoke to the cool night breeze, opening his faded blue eyes to find himself flat on his back looking up at the stars. The slightly damp pavement beneath him signified it had recently rained, although Shepherd’s clothes were completely dry.
Raising himself up off the pavement on one elbow, Shepherd could see that he alone was in the street, no cars passed by, no lights were on in houses. How odd it seemed to him, that he had woken up lying in the road…and yet he couldn’t quite remember how he’d gotten there. Somehow…he thought he remembered some sort of light…but it couldn’t possibly be.
“Let the rays enter within and without, compelling us to do what we must. Do your work, your job, by the setting of the sunset.”
These words had come to Shepherd’s mind of their own accord. But somehow there was meaning to them. Standing up completely, Shepherd looked left and right along the street, and then crossed over to the nearest yard. Something was different, there should be lights on…people talking nearby…but he was all alone it seemed, for now at least.
2 “And though our hearts were one, we braved on in the twilight hours. Asking not the meaning, we instead began the dreaming.”
Looking east Shepherd could see the sun setting over the horizon. The sight was beautiful, the bright multicolored rays of orange, yellow and red…but then Shepherd realized the sun should set in the west.
And then he saw the car crash.
The black SUV seemed at first to sway sideways while still coming towards him, but then in a squealing of tires on pavement, the vehicle flipped onto its driver’s side and skidded across the pavement leaving sparks in its wake, and then stopped with all four wheels facing skyward.
“We do our duty as one…”
Shepherd heard these words carried on the wind, as if spoken in an otherworldly realm of reality, and yet he grasped meaning from it as he looked back to the sun setting on the wrong side of the earth.
Without warning or reason, Shepherd felt drawn to the SUV, which was now smoking from the hood. Squinting slightly, Shepherd could see someone pounding their hand on the front passenger window. Without true control of his actions, Shepherd ran to the upturned SUV. Without full knowledge of what exactly he was doing, Shepherd closed his eyes, and imagined the inside of the car. When he opened his eyes, he was crouched inside the SUV, beside a small boy of about ten years old.
Grabbing on to the boy’s shirt, Shepherd did the impossible-but-possible feat, and opened his eyes again to find them standing in the road.
“Mommy!” screamed the little boy, pointing to the now smoldering wreckage.
Without looking down at the boy, Shepherd once more closed his eyes and opened his mind, and saw the reality of things as they were and should be, and arrived at once within and without the SUV. He arrived back on the damp pavement with the young boy’s mother.
“Sir…sir oh my God thank you! But how, how did you—” The woman stammered, clearly trying to understand what exactly had happened. Still looking in awe at Shepherd, she hugged her son and made sure he wasn’t injured.
Intuition was now guiding Shepherd as he looked at the two people he had saved. “I’m sorry miss, but you and your son need to get out of the road, something bad happens here. Go where you will be safe. Go now!”
The woman and child, choosing to believe their savior, ran off to the nearest house, no doubt hoping someone would be kind enough to let them use the phone.
“Do your mistakes by the setting sun…the sun that sets for all.”
Again these mysterious words spoken from the wind itself, drifted across what could have been time and space to Shepherd. And then Shepherd saw Him standing no more than twenty feet away, staring directly at him. Five foot nine, wearing a long and close fitting coat, collar upturned, with a hood pulled low over his face, the man’s profile and features could not be easily distinguished from such a distance.
Without warning, the stranger walked slowly, but with purpose, towards Shepherd. Pausing five feet away, to be sure nobody else was near, the man came even closer and then in a voice sounding similar to the-voice-from-the-wind, he said, “Walker, wanderer, deliverer of those who shall be delivered, your work is done by the setting of the sun.”
“What’s happening here?,” Shepherd replied, in a deadpan tone.
“You see the round and round that is the way things are. The turn of the beginning that meets its end. As the sun sets, the moon also rises, you do your work by the setting of the sun, for as it sets so do you.”
“Look buddy, I’m in no mood for these riddles, or whatever you want to call them, I’m—”
“Riddles are but lies to what the truth holds. You SEE the round and round that is all things. You SEE, the beginning, as I see the end. You do YOUR work by the setting sun…as mine is done by the rising moon, the opposites are the same” The stranger persisted, not angrily, but with a hint of sorrow in his voice, now pointing his finger at Shepherd.
Shepherd paused a few moments before saying, “What are you trying to say to me? I’m not…I’m not getting any of this,” But then, without warning, the Stranger was right beside Shepherd, as if he had, in the blink of an eye, been moved there. Looking up into the face beneath the hood, what Shepherd saw there in those familiarly blue eyes terrified him and awed him at the same time.
“You see what I see? You see the truth in this? For you are here, I am here and there at the same time. Time, time, time, here there…I do my work by the rising moon, as you do yours by the setting sun. Myself, do your work now. For the sun sets again.” And without warning, the Stranger was gone. Simply vanished into the air, so it seemed to Shepherd.
“I’ll be damned…” Shepherd exclaimed, as the moon began to rise. In the distance, an explosion could be heard. “…He does his work by the rising moon…”
3 “What is a day? What is an hour? In the round and round of all that is, these terms are meaningless. In the round and round of all that is, there is only here and there.”
Shepherd watched as the moons rays crept over the horizon, and he became acutely aware of the fact that his perception of time was no longer the same as it had been, for how could the moon rise so soon after the sun? And the explosion…there had to be some sort of meaning there…surely it was no mere coincidence that right after the Stranger admitted to doing his work by the moon, that there was then an explosion.
Looking out across the street, Shepherd could see the faint orange glow of the explosion, and without thinking, without even being, Shepherd allowed himself to be taken from here on the street, to there at the explosion. As he opened his eyes, he saw the house, ablaze in fiery red-hot flames. Then Shepherd heard the scream of the girl coming from the second floor, and once more allowed himself to shift across time and space, to arrive in the room where the scream was heard.
And standing there, just as Shepherd knew he would be, was the Stranger, with the small girl at his feet. And from within the hood, Shepherd saw the blazing sorrow.
“I have done my work by the rising moon. Why must I follow that which has been given to me? Why must I, nocturnally, be a slave to a master unseen? You of all should know, you of all will know, you of all must know,” said the Stranger, as Shepherd looked on, unsure of what to do.
“Why do you talk like that? Why do you talk in those riddles, always asking questions?” Said Shepherd.
“The question does not register as valid…the questioner asks one who knows no answers. These hands, they have seen torment, they have seen pain, when will they see redemption? I drift upon the time, as do you, for we are of the same mold. But why has one mold been enslaved, while the other is given free will?”
Pausing, Shepherd responded with, “I…I do not know. I’m not understanding any of this. None of it at all makes any sort of sense,” Then a flash of light, and Shepherd seemed to be drifting between here, and somewhere else,
-“Is he active? Pull switch four to full power, I want all monitors on subject two. Grady, bring subject two back to us, bring him back, he’s slipping…”-
Shepherd could not understand what had just happened, but as he looked up at the Stranger, he saw that something was definitely wrong. The Stranger was, for all intents and purposes, no longer physically present. He seemed to be semi-transparent, almost like a mere shadow of a man.
“Forgive me not, that which I have done, for I did so in full knowledge. Ryker Institute, take your mind there and become aware…”
Shepherd heard the words spoken, for the Stranger’s image was not the cause of them. And without thinking, Shepherd imagined this destination. He looked down at the young girl, in an instant he had deposited her on the street outside, where cop cars and fire trucks were waiting. And then, he went to this place called Ryker.
4 “What is a man, if he is not given the freedom to choose the path he walks, the road that he travels. A man enslaved by fate, is like an animal trapped in a cage, waiting to be set loose upon his captors.”
Ryker Institute was in fact a large building, composed of a dark, weather-worn granite. The windows, from the outside, appeared to have been boarded up long ago. Looking at the faded sign in front, Shepherd noticed that the place was officially known as The Ryker Institute of Para-Psychological Studies. There was some meaning to the name.
Without a true knowledge of why, Shepherd felt drawn to the depths of this strange building. He felt sure that the truth to his abilities lay within. And the Stranger, he seemed to have wanted Shepherd to go here. To know the truth.
Slowly, Shepherd walked inside, and without knowing why, knew he had to find room 2B. Down at the end of the dimly lit hallway, flanked by rooms on both sides, Shepherd could see a flight of stairs leading to the second floor. Now, with his hands on the left-hand railing, Shepherd made his way to 2B, where he knew answers awaited.
Just as he was exited the stairwell, he saw the shadow behind him, and had no time to cry out as the chloroformed piece of cloth was pressed over his nostrils, and the darkness was pressed into his very mind.
5 Shepherd awoke in a room painted in pale green, smelling of disinfectant, and some other unknown chemical smells.
Standing in front of him, was an elderly man dressed in a white lab coat. The man was staring at Shepherd intensely, as if unsure what was about to happen.
“Why have you come here?” The man said, evidently feeling that an introduction was unnecessary.
“He told me this place, and I arrived here…”
For a moment the man stood there, still with that odd expression on his face. Then, pointing to a table to his left, Shepherd’s right, he said in an emotionless voice, “Subject number two arrived back here four days ago. As you can see, he has now expired.”
Shepherd looked over at the table, to see the Stranger lying there, still in the same clothes as he had been wearing, he could have been sleeping.
“My name is Nicholas Brenham. I, along with my fellow colleagues have been working on the Mendez Project for a while now. As you may already know by now, you were subject number one in the project. That specimen lying on the table was our number two,”
Shepherd wasn’t entirely surprised, for he had a feeling something like this had to happen. But he knew what he had to do. “Tell me everything. I have a right to know.”
Dr. Brenham smiled, “Indeed. Well the basics, as they stand, are quite simple. We aimed to gain the ability of sending someone from this time, into another time of past or future. The original would still reside here, but an exact duplicate, some might say a sort of mirror image, would coexist in the other time. As you can imagine, the implications for this sort of advancement are amazing. Imagine, if you will, being able to send a duplicate of yourself back in time to prevent the assassination of any historical figure…oh yes astounding,”
“But something went wrong didn’t it?” Shepherd asked.
“Oh yes. Somehow, when converting the duplicate of you to the past, something happened. You both gained an innate ability to “time jump”, as we like to call it. As of this moment, the laws of physics don’t seem to apply to you anymore. We don’t fully understand it, so there is no need of me trying to explain. All we do know is that subject number two somehow found out how to come back. He evidently knew he was a duplicate…quite unfortunate. It seems the continual mixing and matching of his atoms has killed him in the end,” Dr. Brenham said, still staring at Shepherd.
Shepherd looked over at the dead body…he had thought that the eyes he had seen in the Stranger were his own, and now he was positive.
“So something went wrong with me too, I suppose?”
“Yes, through the complications, you gained acute amnesia. And…quite possibly some form of precognition. This, like I have said, is all quite unprecedented. A very unique case. And as you noticed in the street--ah yes we have been watching you--your perceptions were and are altered. I believe you saw the sun as setting in the east, instead of the west? Some form of perception difference I’m sure. But we had precautions, so we had a feedback monitor on you at all times. And we could have brought you back to us at any time.”
“A device to bring me back to here? Where…where is it now?” Shepherd asked, realizing his opportunity, his one chance.
“I had to take it off, while I did the examination, so for now it isn’t functioning…oh dear” Brenham had realized his mistake. He dashed over to Shepherd, in some sort of an attempt to contain him, but in an instant Shepherd was gone. Brenham looked in his front pocket of the lab coat, if the subject had taken the list, then all was lost. The pocket was empty.
6 Shepherd Jones stood on a hilltop, facing the Florida coast. The year was 1943. He had traveled back sixty-five years, but only for a while. In his hands, he held the list that he had snatched from Brenham’s pocket just before he had time jumped. Now, after reading the list, Shepherd knew what he must do. The job ahead of him was horrifying to think about, but it had to be done. The entire list was composed of the subject and ID numbers of thirty duplicates created from the original mold--Shepherd--and the designated years they had been sent to.
Each had no doubt been given a task, and at the moment Shepherd didn’t know if these tasks were benign, or if something more sinister had been planned. Shepherd had chosen to select 1963 as his first stop. The road ahead was uncertain in every way. Looking up, Shepherd saw the brightest setting sun he had seen in a while.
Epilogue Down on the coast, looking up at the hill, someone watches and waits. The faded blue eyes focus on the man standing up on the hill, holding a list. The tide closes in inch by inch, and still the watcher waits…
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TheDisturbedOne reviewed Version 1 -
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MUMBLES reviewed Version 1 -
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YOU’VE GOT GOOD FORM AND AT TIMES YOUR DESCRIPTIONS COMES OFF AS POETIC. THE STORY SEEMED FAMILIAR AT THE BEGINNING, LIKE I HAD READ OR SEEN SOMETHING LIKE IT BEFORE, BUT, YOU DID A REALLY GOOD JOB OF STAYING ORIGINAL AND NOT FOLLOWING ANY SORT OF STANDARD. WELL DONE.
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karalm reviewed Version 1 -
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vampyrchik reviewed Version 1 -
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I enjoyed reading this, and it’s a good starting point for a longer series/story. It felt a little clunky and/or repetitive in some places and needs a bit of a tidy up to really start engaging the reader from the first page.
Some things seemed a little simplistic though, like Shepherd just happening to know the list of the others was in the pocket of the mans coat (and why would he be casually carrying around such an important list anyway?), and the fact that the man was so forthcoming with information.
Other things seemed a little too hard, like all the riddles. It’s like having a conversation with someone who speaks another language, only you know the words, they just don’t really make sense. Having them repeat the same things over and over doesn’t make it easier to understand, just repetitive.
And the voice that wispers to him… does that continue later? was it just a starting thing to get the ball rolling? was it the stranger?
I would like to see the revised version of this when you post it to see how it’s coming along. A solid start to what could be a really good story.
but_a_flower reviewed Version 1 -
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To be honest I want to read more! Where is the next chapter??
I enjoyed the way you created your setting. The only real problem was that in
the begining you where very vague, and I had to read the first page a few times
to fully underastand, but it got better as the story progressed. Keep working
on this stroy I would like to read more.
odhinns_scribe reviewed Version 1 -
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It’s a nice beginning and flows nicely from sentence to sentence and it does keep my interest, which is good for readers to not get bored and look away from what they are reading from time to time, so great job.
Although, the amount of times you Say Shepherd. It’s good to let the reader get acquainted with a main character, but it seems almost… repetitive to have his name said so much. By the third paragraph, one should already know who he is. You should use more pronouns. All in all, it was a nice piece of work.
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