Poetry / A SHOULDER TO CRY ON (Analysis)

The fact you have chosen a criteria relating to publication means I will view it in that light. There’s nothing wrong with simply writing for your own benefit or for catharsis, but as something for others to read I’m afraid this doesn’t really work for me. Why the capitals? I suggest you use them sparingly for emphasis, and focus on your words to get your emotions across. Also, try not to rhyme for the sake of it. “Indeed”/”Need” works well, but “Me”/”Unconditionally” just feels forced, probably due to the different number of syllables.
If, as I would guess, this is autobiographical, then you have my sympathy for how you are feeling, but I would suggest waiting until you have some distance before writing about such emotions.

I think your line…
“A SHOULDER TO CRY ON IS ALL I NEED
IF I CRY ON YOUR SHOULDER YOU’RE A FRIEND INDEED”

Is overused. Save it and use it once at the end… it will convey your desire for a friends better than using it over and over again. I got to the point where it seemed unimportant.
Poetry that rhymes is overrated…but if you must… try not to make it seem so forced. Don’t sacriface grammer and creativity to find a word the “fits”
Also not everything written caps would help.
There is talent there…just try not to restrict yourself so much and it will shine through better.

This doesn’t flow very well, but it does make a lot of sense. This doesn’t seem like the kind of thing that a person would actually want for a review, rather just to get their feelings out, then to see what people say, or if they respond or have advice. You said that the spelling errors were fixed, that’s good…but anyone who told you to change the way you posed this, should be shot. Never listen to people that say that about poetry. This piece is yours and visibly from the heart.
This is extremely easy to relate to. I think everyone has made mistakes at one point or another, that have made them feel like they just can’t press on. Then when it seems like everyone around them is walking away it makes it that much harder to get back to being you. Like you said, crying can help…bottling your feelings up is never healthy for you, it can actually make matters worse. Believe me, I know.

If a shoulder to cry on is all you need, feel free to fill up my inbox. I’m not where you are, but am a click away. :)
-Jane

I love the meaning of the poem, it’s something that everyone can relate to. The flow of the poem is totally off though. The refrain is the best part. Most of the lines could be shortened very easily and it would REALLY help the flow. Such as,
“WEIRD REACTIONS IS ALL I GET BUT THAT DOESN’T BOTHER ME
THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS IS THAT I’M LOVED UNCONDITIONALLY
IT’S HARD TO TAKE IN THAT YOU GET LOVED MORE BY STRANGERS THAN FAMILY AND FRIENDS
JUST WHEN WILL THIS CHAIN OF MADNESS END”
could be,
“Weird reactions don’t bother me
The thing that matters is love, unconditionally
Hard to accept a stranger’s love over family or friend
When will this chain end”
Just a quick idea, but if you like it feel free to use it. I just think you could compile more thoughts into less words and help the overall poem.

Its a great piece of work. I really enjoyed it. I think what you need to do is add commas to break up the sentences so when reading it people understand the flow better. I understood the piece when i read it aloud. I could hear the breaks in each line etc. To make it easier to read or at least for people to more properly understand the flow you intended try adding in commas. For example…

“DON’T WALK AWAY I CAN’T BEAR TO HURT NO MORE
EVERYONE THAT I’VE HELD CLOSEST TO MY HEART HAS WALKED OUT THE DOOR
TEARY FILLED EYES THAT’S WHAT YOU WOULD SEE WHEN YOU LOOK IN MY EYES
BUT NOW I’M NOT SCARED TO SHOW MY EMOTIONS SINCE I KNOW IT’S OK TO CRY”

DON’T WALK AWAY, I CAN’T BEAR TO HURT NO MORE
EVERYONE THAT I’VE HELD CLOSEST TO MY HEART, HAS WALKED OUT THE DOOR
TEARY FILLED EYES THAT’S WHAT YOU WOULD SEE, WHEN YOU LOOK IN MY EYES
BUT NOW I’M NOT SCARED TO SHOW MY EMOTIONS, SINCE I KNOW IT’S OK TO CRY

okay so i didnt give the best example. But you also need to make sure sentence divisions are even in terms of syllables.
“DON’T WALK AWAY I CAN’T BEAR TO HURT NO MORE
EVERYONE THAT I’VE HELD CLOSEST TO MY HEART HAS WALKED OUT THE DOOR”

Try  - Don’t Walk away i cant bear to hurt no more
Everyone that i’ve held in my heart has walked out the door.

Or – Dont walk away i cant bear to hurt anymore,
Everyone in my heart has walked out the door.

Just so it runs more smoothely.

Hmm. I see a lot of lines that say the same things – different words for the exact same thing – which is not always a plus (I have come to discover that the harsh way). You seem stuck on a lot of emotions, yet it will do you no good to sound a bit condescending towards the reader. You make it sound as if we could not possibly know how you feel, and maybe we don’t, but maybe we do. A lot of people have been hurt and are hurting due to that. Deceit takes ages to throw off of your shoulders and some wounds will never heal – I know that. Don’t make your poem doubt whether I do or don’t. A poem is supposed, in my opinion, to reveal something to the reader and perhaps awaken something within them as well. Even though I see a lot of hurting, I don’t feel the hurting. I don’t know what does the difference, but I would think about writing it without the capital letters all over for a start. It will do you no good if you ask me and it looks a bit like you are attacking the reader or just really, really defencing yourself from whatever.

So… To sum up the things I’ve said: No capital letters all the way through, less descriptions of the same thing and perhaps a bit more focus on the emotions that will actually let the reader feel and sympathize with you. Also, I would think about cutting down on the “chorus” lines. They come often and it sort of ruins their effect ö.

I thought it was really good. How you expressed the feelings and wants in it was good. Keep up the good work.

I liked it, a lot.  I can definitely relate to this poem on some many levels.  All the friends I have lost because of my mistakes in my life.  I definintely love this poem.