Poetry / From her elbow, to his kneecap

I felt that the narrative in this poem was hit and miss. Some parts I was like “yeah sweet!” then others I was like “umm… ok” for example, the difference in “her” and “you” makes it sound like your talking of the previous woman (in the first stansa) after you say “But then, I met you.” So the clarity is a little down, which hurts its publishability.

But other than that, I thought the word play and choice of words not only were eloquent but very discriptive and greatly increased the mental imagery. Your discription of the positing the two were in was unique but scientific almost… it was fitting. I absolutly loved this part of the last stansa
“You are the hinge that lets him walk to her,
I am the hinge that opens her arms.”

It says so much and has tons of meaning. Excellent.

I am so confused.  This goes from first person to third then second…I have no idea what’s going on or how many people are involved.

This poem is bizarre, as if you were on psychedelic drugs when you wrote it (were you?). I can’t really see any writing errors. The “blushing” was my favorite part, it was clever. Hard to evaluate, since I’ve never come across anything like it.

Well written, but I think it could be better. Try dividing it up into stanzas of equal number of lines. It will look and flow much better.

A good read, I enjoyed it.

Flows extremely well and is a great poem about finding love. Get a couple poems together however, before approaching a publisher.

“For weeks, I never understood the attraction.
Her stomach tells me about the lovely weight of his resting thighs.
Her hair describes the fun of tickling his lips. ” this is a very original way to describe something or have something described. it doesnt really make sense, but it sort of goes with the way the lyrics are written so it is good.

“Until we meet again,
I am yours.” this is a very good line to end with. it relaly is very final, and sums up the preceding.

soem parts of the song dont really make sense, but then again, it could jsut be becuase i am not seeing it put to music. that would change the whole meaning of the song.

Wow, This was a very interesting piece. I have two complaints about this. One, i had a hard time telling which person you were talking about a certain points of the poem. The other would be the line “When they graze your skin,
But they are in love with his ass” i felt that part was very unpoetic and frankly, a little tacky. You definitly have talent, keep at it.

I enjoyed this piece quite a bit. It had amazingly vibrant imagry and it flowed very well. It is a little unclear in some places but ultimatly I enjoyed it very much :)

I was slightly confused as I read this, it wasn’t really clear if the point of view was male for female. When I thought it was male  there would be a word that would make me think it was a male, I would say clear it up a bit and it could be really good.

Clarity is overrated. Especially in poetry. I’m a sucker for detail, color, and composition.  This piece has some great feeling and really nice lines. Everyone has been in the middle of something like this and it certainly brought back those feelings of excitement.