Poetry / Right Where I Started (Analysis)

I like the flow of the piece and how smooth the transfer is between scenes you’ve created using the language. IT’s a tad ambigious though; I don’t understand what it’s about at all, but that could be a good thing as I’ve made my own mind up and it could be one of thsose where th audience decides.

Good work!

Line 2, I would remove the word “up”. Other than that, I love this piece. Seldom do i feel that way. I think the imagery is deep. Well done.

I really like all of the images you’ve used however, they don’t all quite connect for me. They all are very strong and singular perhaps use of some more subtle images may have been useful in bringing them together. That being said the phoenix image and the dry pen are fantastic together. The meter is great and the feeling of epiphany is also great. I really liked this alot

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July 15, 2008

by salparadise61

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22	M	Bridgewater, MA	November 22

thanks for the review

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You have a very unique way of writing that I would more than love to see more and more on this site.
It’s very well written.
Very easy to read. Easy to understand.
A+ in all categories!
=]

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July 15, 2008

by salparadise61

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22	M	Bridgewater, MA	November 22

thanks for the review

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!oil tycoon’s smile” is the strongest image here and a very good one. Overall this is quite good but didn’t blow me away. Arising like a ‘phoneix’ is probably the most cliched way anyone could ever arise mind, and maybe you could think of something a little more original?

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July 15, 2008

by salparadise61

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22	M	Bridgewater, MA	November 22

thanks, i was thinking the same thing about the phoneix but when i think about the snorting of the ashes after, I dunno i think its just perfect. sometimes I feel people are trying to hard not to use cliches rather than just using them in a different way

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GREAT IMAGERY, METAPHORE’S, I LOVED EVERY LINE.

I love it, and thats what its about isn’t it? It’s about a lost love, a breakup gone bad< I’m positive because I felt the same way about a breakup with one of my exs i wanted to go back to where I started, it hurt too i did everything i could to try to feel something besides sorrow but it has hardly worked but your poem makes me realize that I am not the only one in this state of mind there are others and there is hope I love your poem, there is only one question lingering in my mind “Does the phrase “Right back where I started refer to Death and Reincarnation or does it mean that you are to the point now that you are completely over them and able to move on and see others without mourning your past love?

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July 15, 2008

by salparadise61

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22	M	Bridgewater, MA	November 22

i feel that right where I started means this. There was a place where this person was, where they were miserable, than they found love, or so they thought. Now that the dust had settled thay have a new apreciation for everything. That maybe any problems couldnt be solved just by love but within the person themselves. I dunno something like that.

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I really enjoyed this poem, it’s concise and playful. I read it aloud a few times and couple times silently, and my favorite line is, “With an oil tycoons smile,” Nicely done.

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July 15, 2008

by salparadise61

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
39	65.2% (23 votes)	100.0%

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22	M	Bridgewater, MA	November 22

thanks for the review

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I really like the idea of letting blood/ ink run over a page and a pheonix snorting ash.  This is a very honest, short and to the point piece.  Well done.

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July 15, 2008

by salparadise61

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39	65.2% (23 votes)	100.0%

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22	M	Bridgewater, MA	November 22

thanks for the review

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I must admit I do not know anything about the publishableness in the story (yes, I just made up a word in lack of another), so your grades in both was 6. I felt more like giving you the higher of the middle grades than the lower, seeing as I really liked this poem – I even gave you a ten overall ;> Why did I like it? I am not quite sure, but sitting here, listening to José González and his lovely voice and guitar on Heartbeats left me in a state of calmness, poetic calmness, and it sort of went along great to this poem.

To be a bit more precise, I really like your imagery. The words “like a fine drug” were greatly added, only topped (in my opinion) by the lines “Then, I slit the wrists / Of a pen gone dry, and / Watched as it gushed upon the page”. If you do not mind, I will add that one to this list I am making, where all the lines I’d give my life for in order to have written are put down. I can’t say exactly why, but those lines just hit me as awesome beyond awesomeness ö. Damns the world for not having written that first The greatest lines I have read in a very long time. Wow, suddenly I am all taken aback now. I don’t know if you can really use this review for anything, but either way, request for me to read something else when you upload it. I’d love to do that.

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July 15, 2008

by salparadise61

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22	M	Bridgewater, MA	November 22

thank you very much for the review

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