One does the best with the loaves and fishes he has. Thanks so much
Poetry / Bus Ride to Perdition
He took his seat beside the Twelfth Imam:
And with his last breath—urged martyrdom on
Confident that murder would thus ensure
Allah’s will would be his sore heart’s cure
But lost in the roar: God’s instrument
When all aboard became torn remnants
Of commingled flesh and bone and excrement
In a perversion of God’s abiding covenants
The mother—
—The child
The Christian—
—The Jew
And the innocent Muslims he murdered too
Are a triumph of legions who exalt in hate
That the minions of Satan so often create
Conceiving to destroy the good God has done
In the hearts and the souls of Abraham’s sons
Can this be pleasing to God, this alter of hate
That only pollutes what His love consecrates?
In vainglorious acts—in unspeakable waste
Are abominations fit for virgins to taste?
Some—presuming insights, surpassing wise
Profanely determine who lives and who dies—
Be it Jesus, be it the Imam, be it anyone:
It matters little, when hate’s deed is done
While some mourn, some pray, and others cheer
Waiting for a new messiah to draw them near
But should he board the waiting bus of fate:
He may be reaped from life—by heart’s of hate
Keith Allen Scalf
3-27-07
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10 for subject matter only.
Also on the last line I believe you meant “hearts of hate” rather than “heart’s of hate”.
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Killing in the name of God is a confounding concept to all except those who carry it out. Good choice of subject matter. The lines that end in God’s instrument/ remnants/ excrement/ convenant/” were very powerful. The images after weren’t as strong for me, but very good over all.
Very Nicely written Poem—-I do not think I believe the exact ways you do but you got talent!
This poem shows some technical skill and it does have some emotion also. It’s not really an original thought…actually much of it is what we hear/read everyday in speeches. I’m not shocked by terrorism because I know it’s only a symptom of everything else that’s wrong with the world, much of which our nation is responsible for. That would be a deeper subject for a poem, but perhaps one that would require more study to create…
There are some spelling and punctuation errors that you could use spellcheck to fix. Otherwise I suggest coming up with a different ending. Your ending basically restates what you’ve been saying…a twist of some type would make the poem more interesting.
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