Short Story / Lucinda Ann Faulkner (Analysis)

An intimidating introduction don’t you think? Heh, very dense, you display a striking vocabulary and wield it with a showman’s flair. It glows of competency, mistakes that i would no doubt correct on another work come across as humorous flirtations with the reader. Though, in all honesty i think it is too cryptic and complicated to truly absorb a reader, i do find it to be an entertaining read. Perhaps you should consider blowing the reader’s mind after you have engrossed them in your story.

Chimera?   Hmmmmm….   not a great place to begin….
Every conscious entity?   Isn’t there only one behind those eyes?    Standstill—halted, don’t these describe the same state?     Velocious?

Hmmmmm….   It is better to relax and allow the words to speak in your own voice.    If you don’t do that, your voice will be as foreign to you, and as unintelligible, as it will be to your readers.

I’d like to see more of your works.
A different version of this perhaps?
You have a very clear way of writing and I think your talent will take you far in the literary world.
Very nice work

No need to use “big words”. Usually a simple, clear word will do the trick without throwing the reader off. It makes it look like the author is trying to show off when he/she chooses uncommon words that are not used in normal, everyday dialogue. It also distracts the reader from the story. If they have to go look up a word, that’s not bad, if they have to look up more than one, they will more than likely put the story down.
But don’t let my opinion stop you. I believe you are trying to show the personality of Lucinda by choosing these words and so I could be way off base. I am only one person and you definitely have talent. Keep writing, please.
maryjski

Wow what a complex tale.its very deep and I like it. Although I had to read a few times due to the complex words all together. so not sure how easy it would be to the layman.But also I’m afraid I don’t Know this character either so maybe I cant comment. But I think your very talented anyhow. Keep it up.
x kerry

This written work is splendidly crafted!  I am immediately brought to a place of arsitocracy when I read.  I wish there was more to completely fill my senses.  I drank the, “velocious conviction filtered with ardor”, and my eyes marveled at, “the chimera in my eyes seem to overshadow every conscious entity”, and I know if I read further I would be able to hear and smell the world surrounding Lucinda Ann Faulkner’s world.

Bravo, extremely well done, this is a fantastic opening to a story and I want to read the whole book!

-Michael

Well first I must say, you’re only 14 and you wrote this?  Wow that’s amazing, you’ve got some real talent.  However I’m not sure if I’m just tired, but it seems to me that you just string together a long line of big words.  You have to think, who are you targeting to read this?  Intellectuals?  Average people?  Because many average people will not read this if it they don’t understand it.  Also I’m not sure there was a purpose to this introductory piece.  Honestly to me, it did not intrigue me to read more of this story.

When I was young, I found myself reading Thomas Pynchon and thinking that I wanted to write like him. I wanted to write richly detailed sentences that swam with verbosity. But, I soon learned that my audience was shrinking. At some point, you have to decide whether you want to take the less traveled road, James Joyce Drive, where critics stand at every corner with hatchets and body bags or take the road most traveled where pleasant but sometimes dense people traffic. The first one will lead to glory and fame after treading through dreaded literary swamps and pretentious “vagabond” camps where the other one will lead to bestseller lists along with other transparent novels full of easy reading and light entertainment-the James Patterson crowd. Your piece borders on being pretentious, which I don’t consider to be a bad thing. Every good writer starts out that way with some exceptions. There are a few sentences you might consider working on: “I is whom you call”, “My province is to make the opulent countenance exceeding wealth”, “She is posed to be ecstatic.” I look forward to reading the rest of the story.  

Short story is one of my favored venues, so I am interested in those by new writers.  The writer’s knowledge and use of unusual words is prominent.  There is ackwardness in the several lines.  Maybe it could read, ” It is I whom you call…..” The syntax comes across as forced.  Is the use of “incog” supposed to be incognito?  meaning hidden… I had not seen it used thus. Such a challenge for just six lines. I will be looking for the rest of this interesting beginning.