Poetry / I own the moon (Analysis)

This is about watermelons?  Huh.  I didn’t catch that.  ;-)

In any case, I love a lot of what you’re doing with language in this poem.  There’s so much in here that just sounds fantastic:  the alliteration and consonance and the rhythm of the sounds, the varied line lengths, the emphasis drawn by those short two-foot lines.  I’m in awe of your use of sound here.  Very very fabulous.

As for content, I love the imagery of that third stanza, in which you describe the landscapes of the moon, which could also work another way, as the foreign landscapes of the earth as lit by the moon.  Either way, or both ways, the imagery is stunning—I love “corduroy”, because it’s a great description not only of sight-texture, but as feel-texture.  Great use of specific, intensely visual language.

In the third-to-last stanza, this line seems just a touch awkward to me:  ”all who look upon this, frankly, dreary, lifeless face”.  I think it’s the word “frankly” that does it; maybe it’s misplaced by a little, or maybe it doesn’t really need to be there at all.  Perhaps there’s a better way to phrase this?  I’ll think about it some more.  I love that next line, though, especially the “shining, lantern jaw”.  That’s a great image, and very moon-like indeed.

It seems I’m just heaping on the praise here, but honestly, I love this poem and I enjoy immensely what you’re doing with it.  The phrasing and the rhythms of your poem remind me a great deal of Wallace Stevens.  I’m especially thinking of his earlier riddle poems:  ”Gubbinal” or “Depression Before Spring”.  Very nice writing.  I enjoyed reading, and I’m definitely interested in seeing more of your work.