Thanks for the perspective. I did not think of that. I will consider the change.
Children's / My Special Hero (Analysis)
Dedicated to my son Seth who inspired this story, and to my husband Russell Wickham who is an American soldier and our son’s special hero.
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My special hero is someone that I know can you guess what his job is?
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He wears a uniform, but he is not a police man.
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He rides in a truck, but he is not a fireman.
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He saves lives, but he is not a doctor.
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He gives hope to many, but he is not an athlete.
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My special hero is my daddy.
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He is an American soldier.
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Sometimes he goes far away for a long time, but I know that he will come home to me and that he still loves me very much.
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The end!
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Rowling reviewed Version 5 -
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GVaughn reviewed Version 5 -
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batwriter79 reviewed Version 5 -
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Reading it I thought it was to short, but it’s perfect for children and for the American soliders to read together.
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HermiG reviewed Version 5 -
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I think this is very important, both to cheer up the children and parents. I really like how you’ve compared soldiers to other important jobs.
“Sometimes he goes far away for a long time, but I know that he will come home to me.”
I would probably have changed this to:
“Sometimes I don’t see him for a very long time, but I know that he will come home to me”
Since it both seems more personal and more from a boy’s perspective. I don’t think a boy would care where his father was as long as he wouldn’t be able to be able to see him.
karrina reviewed Version 5 -
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as the daughter and sister of american soldiers i can so relate to this. i love this. have you thought about putting pictures with each page? i think that would work very well in this instance. nice work.
sjvance reviewed Version 5 -
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Good writing, the story flows well and will make children think along the way, trying to figure out what the “special hero” does and who it is.
Kye reviewed Version 5 -
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Okay. I feel the best way to review this piece is to go over the criteria you have asked for rankings on and explain why I said what I said.
There were 13 criteria given.
1-4 asked about a publisher/agent/agent advice. I ranked these low because I’m not a publisher or agent and I can not give you the same feedback one of those may give you. I can only give my opinion as reader of your piece.
5-8 asked about publishability. I ranked them low because I do not have enough information about your writings to make a judgement. (ex: you asked if this could be published in a book of your writings. I have not read anything else by you so I do not know.) I also believe there is some work to do before this piece would be ready for publication. Mainly, I wanted you to have a bit more about what it means to be a soldier. What they do, because a child may not know. Do the men and women justice and let the children see what they do.
9. Talent over all 7
10 Children over all 7
11 Be admired for 5
12 Clarity 5
13 Amuse/Entertain/Warm Hearts 6
I feel that your scores would be higher, once you give us a bit more.
It is a grand idea. I do not see many children’s books praising soldiers. Flesh it out a bit and give the service people their due. Best of luck.
J_Lynn reviewed Version 5 -
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chelly reviewed Version 4 -
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I think alot of military families would enjoy this. The only problem I saw was in the first page. Maybe you can make it 2 sentences for easier reading for little ones. “that I know. Can you ” other than that I think this was good.
astral206 reviewed Version 2 -
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Yay troops! I am one, so I really liked this!
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