Poetry / In Love (Analysis)

chilling.. i sense a doomed relationship where the narrator is treated wrongly, maybe abused, by another.. her lust is only fueled by the abuse and wrongdoings to him/her…

love it.

i honestly cant say i see anything wrong in it… due to my taste in poetry that is short and snappy but still incredibly powerful and smart… every line ended in a word that one could look at without reading the rest and still get the meaning of the poem…

i think its perfect. people who’ll tell you theres anything wrong with it are just jealous.

I have written some very short poems as well.  I don’t view it as the length of the poem, rather the quality of the words and what they convey.  I like your poem and I think it stands very well as is.  The only thing I would suggest is to add punctuation to help convey the flow.  Nice job.

Though it was short I understood it and could see a tormented spirit rising from death in search of their love. If she could just find him or her she could be at rest, and fly away. This was good I can see a making of a story in this one with the words that are on here I can just see  pictures in my mind the sorrow,and happiness. I just feel if it was longer, it would bring it more to life.

Keep up the good work I would like to see more of your work.

Thanks and take care

You get your message across in a few short lines. Basically, you describe what it is being human…one major part of life. This connects to all people.

For 18 and for a short piece, this is pretty good. I would encourage you to expand on these, mostly because you can’t give enough information in short poems. We have no real indication of who, what and where, the narrative of the poem, so it tends to be generalized, and when things tend to be generalized and abstract, without concrete imagery or personalization, they become generic. There is a nice flow to the words, and I must say, you have a good sense of where to mark the text (i.e., line breaks, punctuation, word stresses). That is something you can readily build upon since you have a sense for the musicality of words. Cheers.

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April 15, 2008

by cdnsurfer

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I meant what I said. I can feel your voice in these words, and hear the pauses. That’s a skill that many do not have. Good job. Let’s work on getting you to write a full page poem, as strong and powerful as this. ;-)

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Hi there :))
I love short burst of this kind – raw as they can be, full of energy :))
Have really enjoyed its feel, its sense of passion, fire –
Overall it scans well,
Great!

Now, please allow me a few suggestions.
Your opening line, like its last make be really powerful :)).

“Love, from a tormented soul
Rises from death”

already impressive. But show, don’t tell all concepts, such as “death”.
How do you view/descricbe death in 1 or a ouple of words?

Why not,

“Life, tormented,
rising from dark[ness] ? think?
---

Are all your words needed, such as articles [the/a]?

Why not considering,

[as an example]

Falling again to the lust -> “falling again to lust[/Surrender/Kiss]”? think?

Your ending – good ;))
why not considering a comma after “I fly away”? think?

Overall, have really enjoyed your piece :))
Very best wishes with your writing.

I actually think its brevity is its strength. It’s nicely structured, the ‘tromented soul’ toward the end echoing the opening line, and it’s what I would consider ‘classically poetic’ in terms of content, form and language. The end is spot on to my way of reading. Nice work!