Poetry / The Kiss (Analysis)
The Beginning
Married they would be, a life spent together
On the marrow next, the kiss would last forever
Since they could remember, love had they shared
She a golden haired maiden, he a Knight, a Kingdoms burden to bear
He stood tall and proud, the King by his side
The marrow had come; today she would be his bride
All eyes upon her, she was beautiful over flowing with grace
The words were finished, everyone waiting for the embrace
Then the drums pounded, the trumpets called to arms
The King touched his shoulder; in an instance they were gone
There was no kiss, no embrace to hold
Duty and honor his mistress, so she had been told
She fell kneeling, her eyes in a mist
Left under the tree, where they were to kiss
He vowed to return, a promise to his wife
To meet under the tree, to kiss her for life
The time had come, war is at hand
Once a Kingdom of hope, hatred enters the land
Farewells were said, the army to march afar
To battle they went, he lead the charge
Time vanished, his mount he did ride
With Armor of steel, his sword at his side
From a window she saw, while still in her dress
Her hand to her lips, her kiss he could not caress
She knew his duty; to the end he is a Knight
Whenever darkness came, he would be her light
She was his strength, the woman behind the man
His courage comes from her, does she understand
A knights Duty
The Oath is scared, honor above all
The life of a Knight, he heard its call
Courageous and Proud, this Knights heart
To shield and protect, he would take his part
Duty he honors, sworn to uphold the land
Fealty he has taken, with sword in hand
Knighted with wisdom, by royalty splendor
To live by the code, he would endeavor
King and Country, his justice the sword
Service to his land, his Queen and his Lord
This land his home, to protect her his task
With his Kings trust, he begins the attack
In every battle, with every thrust
She never left his mind, his return a must
Guided by hope, fueled by love
This war must end, he prayed above
Why the odium, so much hate
He tried to empathize, the war would not wait
He led his troops, victory at hand
The war was over, peace to the land
The crusade was won, tranquility at last
The price was high, they learned from the past
Never to war, never to see again
A dream of wonder, a new age begins
The King beholds his Knight, Swollen with pride
The Queens champion will return to his bride
So long has it been, home to see
The kiss that is missing, one day to be
The Return
The fighting is over, the campaign won
How many men fell, what was to come
Wives became widows and children cried tears
Many paid the price, to live in memories thru the years
She stayed in his thoughts, never to leave
He knew he would see her, he still believed
Dreams of an embrace, a kiss they would share
To spend a life together, loneliness he cannot bare
When the moon lit the night, she never slept
Praying each night, in her journal she kept
Each day that passed, a part of her lost
With love she would wait, not to leave at any cost
The nights were long, chilling and dark
His thoughts wondered, recalling their day in the park
So close he came, her lips so moist
Just to kiss her, to again hold her close
Her heart is strong, just a humble maiden
Elegance of royalty, a Queen in the making
Her Knight would be proud, her strength never wavered
She knew he’d return, for he carried her favor
His mind in thought, recalling the day
Where it all began, he knew she would stay
Returning to where their love first began
Standing with her, heart in hand
The emptiness she felt, only he could replace
Their time apart seemed endless, never to be erased
From the distance came, he heard her voice
To reunite with her, there was never a choice
The Kiss
She heard of his return, this day he arrives
A Knight went into battle, a hero arise
She put on her dress, the same that she wore
On the day they were to kiss, the day he went to war
The morning was cool, jasmine filled the air
She went to the tree, to see if he was there
Waiting was long for this day to be
Just a little longer, just waiting to see
His castle was close, home was near
When he closed his eyes, he could see her appear
By the tree in the park, where they were to meet
To kiss her lips, life would be complete
He entered the city, a hero to be
With his king and legions, conquer was he
The only thought, his only of this day
Was a kiss that has been waiting, a long time at bay
A welcome of gods, it was nothing less
All he wanted was his bride in her dress
The people wanted a prize of the war
All he wanted was the maiden he adored
He walked alone to the park where he left
When he had to leave, how often he’d regret
She was there alone, dressed in ivory white
Waiting for her only, the hero Knight
Time stopped, finally they stood together
He looked into her eyes, to love her forever
She fell into his arms, she waited with faith
The kiss so overdue, would still have to wait
Then the drums pounded, the trumpets called to arms…
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i truly enjoyed this peice…it was epic. it was grand, regal, heart warming and heart breaking.
a few suggestions though. most of the time when you are saying “kings” or “knights” it should actually be “king’s” or “knight’s”. without the apostrophe it changes the meaning of the words. in the 5th stanza of the return, maiden and making are a hard rhyme even taking into account poetic license. there are a few different stanzas where there are rather short sentences with one long one through in (ie the very first stanza of the poem) those long ones throw off the flow.
wonderful job though! it truly is a work of art!!
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I like the mood and notion that you’re going for here. I appreciate the sentiment. But, I do think it comes off as passive from a style and structure standpoint. I feel like you’re trying to emulate what you feel will “sound”
like chivalric prose, but it comes off distant and stuffy. You can also condense this into a smaller piece, as alot of the lines tend to echo, if not actually repeat, similar themes from one part to another. Look for more dynamic word choices as well, try to invigorate this with more genuine emotions. More accurately describe the Knight in battle, give a little “romance novel” style pining from the Lady.
I’m not suggesting you do any of these things with a broad brush, but I think some judicious changes on your part would improve this alot.
Fantastic poem, it truly was a work of art and I am happy to have read it. As for what you said in your comments, yes, there are quite a few mistakes when it comes to grammar and punctuation, but these dont ruin the poem for readers at all. Nice job and keep up the good work.
Hi, after reading this poem, one person came to my mind, ‘Loreena McKennitt. She sings things like your poem and is a beautiful singer. She puts poetry to music, so I would check out her singing.
I could see this poem getting published with that thought in mind for it. Of course, unfortunately for CD it would have to be shortened.
Only thing left to do, is just put commas and periods at the ends of your sentences.
I really enjoyed your poem and thought it was excellent.
Thanks so much for writing this,
Rhonda
Wow..that was a long one but worth it! The only thing I would do is go through each verse you have written and place in the commas or replace the semi colans with commas. Might pay to recheck the spelling of conquer. Did you mean conquerer? Wasnt too sure if you did. But by all accounts, the feeling came through, the longing and the yearning. That is about the only thing I can tell you to look out for. Just check your punctuation with the commas and that one word. The rest flowed very well. Great work!!!!
great story line. i seem to love knights. you seem to repeat a few lines in here. its a little distracting, but oiverall i find it to be very well written. very injoyable. the knight and his maiden, i do feel sorry for having to wait one again for that kiss. but powerful love they must have. also great theme i must say. that painting must have inspired you greatly, and i too am not the best at punctuation and spelling. sorry i cant help with that. as far as i can tell it was fine.
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