Short Story / Macabre Kiss: ch. 3

Remembrance

I bit down on the edge of my lip and brought my thoughts back to present, seeing that the rain was beginning to give in and hide away for another day. The gray clouds still rained down upon the earth but opened their pillow like substance to the oncoming night sky. I studied the view from my apartment remembering the before and after effects of the world from when I was human to when I had awaken from sleep only a few centuries back. The world around my cocoon had undergone dramatic changes; massive amounts of technology had been produced and put out on the market. I never thought the future would hold such power; it was as if the work of God was being played all over again. I never imagined a world prospered by man would ever look like this.

I slid my fingers through the curtains, twirling them around my finely trimmed nails. I let the curtains fall from my grasp and pulled my head closer to the window. I grinned at the people below me, feeling their auras rush over me and fill me with intoxicating memories, desires, and pain causing a surge of thirst to pulsate at my temples. I pushed the thirst aside and bit down hard on my lip till the thumping ceased.

I was an outcast to the human and vampire race due to the wild thirst I had for blood. I became addicted to it like an overweight teen likes cake. I embodied my new powers and used them to my advantage, killing for the joy of feeling life in the grasp of my hand. After years of killing I soon came across an epiphany. I killed to overcome my own pain. After realizing this I fled into resting, hoping to leave my tragic life of killing and running behind.

I turned away from the window, and slowly undressed myself out of my pajamas and into a pair of black vinyl jeans. I slipped my arms through the straps of my black vinyl corset and zipped it up. I tightened the corset strings in the front and pulled my baby sisters burnt necklace around my neck and buckled it feeling her presence around me as I touched the necklace gently, feeling sadness overcome myself. I shook the sadness away and slowly pulled my hair down from its bun to adjust it once again. I stared at my reflection for a second then began to pull on my black boots. I tightened the strings tight and rested my hand on the bedpost as I admired the drapes, reminding me of my last mortal night I spent with Sebastian.

You need to log in to urbis or create an urbis account to review this writing.

Reviews

April 18, 2008

narcotic_elegance

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
0	100.0% (4 votes)	100.0%

personal info reviewer stats

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
18	F	Canada	October 05

narcotic_elegance reviewed Version 1 - Read 50% of the Item

It’s sad that I could only read a little bit of this story but from what I’ve read, it’s very good. The thoughts that the character are very detailed, which is a nice change from how a lot of stories are written today. The subtle ‘flashbacks’ are a nice bonus too. It really helps with the clarity of the story.
Your detail is very well done. It’s the little things that really help the reader get a picture of the character and the scene; such as ”...twirling them around my finely trimmed nails.”
The simile at the end, “I became addicted to it like an overweight teen likes cake” really lightens the sombre mood of the chapter. I really think that you’re off to a great start on the story and I would love to read more.