Yes, I am young. This piece I am writing after real life events that have happened to me. I’m sorry that it seemed tailored. I’ve tried to write things exactly as I remember them. As the story progresses, there is more ‘exciting” things that will happen, but I want to work my way up to it so that my main character doesn’t seem crazy. Well, she is a bit crazy, but not so much to the point of actual mental illness, which is what I’m trying to avoid. Thank you for your review.
-Jane
Young Adult / Chapter Two- One Who Walks The Road Not Taken.
Selena walked into the local pharmacy, on a quest to find her journal. She walked up and down the aisles until she found one that had different notebooks, planners, and composition books. There were so many to choose from, different colors, shapes, sizes. Then she saw it. As if it were a moment straight out of a romance movie, where soulmates meet for the first time, she met the journal that was meant to be hers. It was a standard size composition book, with a black cover, and one hundred and eighty pages of blankness that would soon be filled with her inner most thoughts.
__________________
” August 30th, 2005 (Tuesday.) Entry #1
Dear Journal, (Or should I say Poe-Thoreau? I’m not quite sure of how this goes…)
Hi! You don’t know me, yet. My name is Selena Lane. We met today, you thought I wasn’t listening to you in class. I was by the way. It was just hard to hear you. Anyway! You told the class a bit about you, I thought I would start this with doing the same and telling you a bit about me. When I was fourteen, my parents sent me away to a psyche ward…Yeah…that’s probably something I should have waited to tell you, but who needs formality here? My mother has never been very approving of me, my father favors my brother, (You know him, he was in your class before. Please don’t compare me to him.) and my brother, he’s…well…he’s horrible. I don’t think that there has ever been a day where he hasn’t made my life a living hell. I can’t say that I hate my family, because I don’t. I believe that there is hope for everyone, and one day, they’ll so me that I was right to continue believing in them. I also used to go to public school, things went south when I went to the ward. I couldn’t come back here until I was “all better.” Since then I’ve been doing this online school thing. That didn’t work out for me because I have the attention span of a squirrel, and no self discipline. The two things don’t go together well.
I’m a very shy kind of person, and I hate my natural hair color. Dirty Blonde…BLECK! That’s why I’ve dyed it this color. Chestnut brown sounds better than ‘dirty blonde’ don’t you think? Oh! I hate my eyebrows! They are so light! I’ve tried coloring them, but the dye never stays. Embarrassing little story for ya; when I was in sixth grade my dad told me that when you shave something, the hair grows in darker and thicker…I took that as insight to shave my eyebrows. BIG MISTAKE! I had to go to school for two weeks without eyebrows, I was so humiliated everytime someone would look at me, I wanted to scream! Oh, I absolutely love movies too…you’ll probably hear a lot about that through out the school year. I love wintergreen gum, my favorite color is green, and so far…I love your class…
Just then, Selena’s father knocked on her bedroom door. “Dinner,” he said through it. Selena closed the journal and put it on the right corner of her desk before going out to the dining room, where Andrew, Lana, and Peter were already seated around the dining room table. The room smelled of sweet corn, mom’s homeade meatloaf, and scalloped potatoes. Taking her place at the table, Selena made her plate.
The silence between them was deafening. Selena asked everyone how their day was in an attempt to lighten things up.
”Just ducky,” replied her mother.
”Not too bad. I have some new things to work on at work. Labels, plates, and such. Just keeping busy,” her father said with a smile before getting back to his meatloaf.
Andrew scoffed, “What do you care? You don’t care about this family. All you care about is you. Go to hell.”
Selena froze for a second. “Oh my gosh, he’s going to bring it up again,” She thought. She looked at her parents, waiting for them to say something, something to stop this line of conversation. They didn’t. All they did was continue to eat their food making sure to retain perfect manners, elbows off the table, no slurping their food, etc…Deciding that something had to be said, Selena tried to choke back her rising anger.
”Andrew, I’m not perfect. No one is. We have been over this several times. It should be clear to you that I love you all. I have done my very best since I’ve been home to prove that. I’m not going to keep apologizing,” Selena said with a certain firmness in her voice.
”That’s bullshit Selena. You tore this family apart, and now that you’re home you think a few ‘I’m sorry’s’ is going to fix everything. Newsflash, it’s not! Fuck you!”
Ten, nine, eight, seven….Selena used a tool she was taught in anger management to help her calm down before she responded…six…
”As if things were actually bad here for you. You had a roof over your head, and food in your belly. Mom and dad didn’t deserve the shit you did. The looney bin was bad enough, then you had to throw it in their faces by moving? No…you don’t come back from that.”
FIVE…FOUR…THREE…TWO…The blood was racing through Selena’s veins. She was trying SO hard to stay calm, but Andrew wasn’t making it easy. By now, she had pushed her plate neatly away from her, countering Andrew who had thrown his across the room.
”Andrew, we don’t speak about that. It’s in the past. We’re living for the future,” Selena said quoting Mrs. Markim.
”Oh so now you’ve decided to live? Nice to know, you should post bulletins when you change your mind like that.”
That was it! “Andrew, you talk BIG game for someone who knows nothing! You want to talk about my moving FINE! Let’s talk! How about the night I came home from the hospital, and was in my room BOTHERING NO ONE! Then sweet ol’ mom here comes in and says—-”
”That’s enough. Selena calm down,” her mother said.
”NO! You didn’t want to help me stop this conversation earlier, we’re gonna take this all the way…Anyway, mom here comes in and says ‘We can’t handle you anymore, you can either go live with Summer Rolands, or we can take you to an adoption center. You’re still under eighteen, they’ll take you.’ I asked her why I couldn’t stay. I didn’t want to leave YOU because I didn’t want the same things that happened to me to happen to you. SHE FORCED ME TO GO! SO before you say I tore this family apart, why don’t you look at the facts of where it fucking started,” Selena screamed as she slammed her chair back and stood up. ”Father, I’m sorry you had to see that. I’m going to my room,” With that, she leaned over, kissed her father atop his head, and walked back to her room.
As she was walking away she heard her mother mumble, “Back to the cave…” then her brother laugh.
”.... Sorry we got cut off earlier…Dad called me to dinner. Ha, well I guess I didn’t really need to write that because you would have never known otherwise, which is kind of making this rambling null and void. Sorry. I tend to do that sometimes. I’m not stupid, just ditzy sometimes.
Dinner was horrible. Complete silence until I tried to spark up conversation. Andrew (my brother, you used to teach him) just doesn’t understand everything that’s happened. He has a right to his feelings, but if he knew the WHOLE story I don’t think he’d hate me this much. Maybe even not all. Okay, so are you ready for an earful…or an eyeful in your case? I was sent to a psyche ward for overdosing. Short of that is I didn’t feel loved, my parents both hated me, my brother hated me, things at school were horrible, no one listened…I suppose the typical M.O. for any suicidal. Anyway, I was stuck in that hell hole for what seemed like forever, then when I got home, my mom shipped me away. I wound up living with our family friend Summer, for a whole year! Legal custody of me was signed over to Summer, and there was no actual plan of me ever moving back home. I called her mom, and she actually almost adopted me. She taught me how to love, and be loved again. She was a godsend to me. Anyway, my dad missed me, and it was killing him to have me gone without talking to him at least, so he came out so that he and I could spend the day together. Being that I lived four hours away, half the day was gone simply by traveling. When he did get to me, he took me to dinner and a movie, then asked me to come home. Big shock I know, but I missed him too, and moving back started immediately. I was home that night. Well, back to the house at least. Summer’s home will always be my home. This house is just a house. Anyway, Andrew has never understood. He’s just felt what he’s seen from mom and dad. Dad was torn apart, and mom supposedly shut herself off completely. Comatose for a year if you will. I have done everything possible to get back on Andrews good side, or rather, just off of his shitlist. He can’t understand, probably never will. Whew…I suppose that’s probably a bit much for you. You’re just a teacher after all…this is probably meant for short uncomplicated entries. Well…welcome to my life, where nothings uncomplicated, and you always wind up on the road not taken. I’m sorry, my mom, brother and I just had a fight, and it’s taken a lot out of me. I think I’m just going to read and go to bed. Can’t wait to see you in class tomorrow.
Selena Lane ”
-—---—---—---—---—---—---—---—---—---—---—---—---—---—---—---—---—---—---—---—---—---—---—---—-—-
With a smile on her face, Selena walked into Poe-Thoreau’s class. She took her seat, straightened her shirt and dusted out the wrinkles, then very neatly squared her notebooks by size on her desk. On the bottom, was her note taking notebook, then on top of that was her text book, followed by her journal. To the right of that she layed out her pen, pencil, and highlighter according to size; from smallest to largest. The room was bustling with barrage of students hanging about in various places, all talking about their summers, and being in school again. A girl with brown hair that went just past her shoulders took her place in a seat next to Selena. She was dressed in dark blue jeans, and a white cotton sweater. Selena noticed that she didn’t have a notebook, and she didn’t bring her textbook, but she was equipped with a white Dooney and Burke bag.
”How do you keep it white,” Selena asked.
”Huh?” The girl asked obviously confused.
Selena motioned to the bag, ” White stains easy…I was just wondering how you kept it so clean.”
”Oh! No, that’s just because you’re sitting so far away. If you’re not right next to it, it looks clean, but here,” she said as she handed Selena the bag, “Up close there are spots all over.”
”Oh, sorry. My name is Selena Lane,” Selena offered.
”I’m Megan Morris, I think I know you. Isn’t your brother Andrew,” She asked.
Selena laughed to herself, “Yes, unfortunately. Do you know him?”
”Yeah, he used to hit on me all the time,” Megan said.
”Oh, sorry about that, ” Selena replied. ”So why didn’t you bring your textbook or anything?”
”I hate English class.”
” Oh. I see. I love it,” Selena said.
”It’s a good thing I get to sit by you then isn’t it? I’ll have someones paper to copy now!” Megan said jokingly.
Just then, the door slammed, and Mr. Poe-Thoreau walked in and went straight for his mini podium. “Roll Time!” He called everybody’s name, and once he was finished with attendance he said, “Okay class, focus…Come on, Ford focus…,” He started doing some awkward motion with his hands circling his eyes. “Are you focused? Okay, today is Wednesday, so we’re going to do what Arnold? What time is it?”
”Uh…,” Arnold said with a dumbfounded look on his face.
”Journal time, oh yeah!”
Selena rolled her eyes, but smiled at the same time. She thought it was so dorky how he had to do the eye focus thing, then the way he said journal time just made her laugh. She moved her books to the corner of her desk, and grabbed her journal.
”Okay everyone, you’ll have fifteen minutes to write now, but after that you’ll have to finish it at home. Today we are going to get into some indian folklore. Ready, set, go!”
Wednesday August 31, 2005 Entry #2
Yo Wazzzzzzzzzup PT?,
Okay, I think we have both ruled out that that will NOT be the way I start an entry…I think that Hey Poe-Thoreau will suffice in the future. I’m sorry I kinda spazzed out in the last entry. I don’t know why I talked to you about the fight I had with my family, especially all the stuff I told you about being in a psyche ward. I mean, who does that in a first entry basis?
Today hasn’t been too bad, I just met this girl, Megan. She sits next to me. She doesn’t seem too bad. I think I might see if she wants to chill sometime. Does that seem too soon? I mean, I don’t want to ask her over, and have it be too soon. I don’t know, I’ll see. So, I do have some questions for you…just some things I noticed. You have a cat don’t you? Or cats? I only ask because you had some cat hair on your shirt. I noticed when you were walking around. You seem to like my side of the room more than the other side. Why is that? Do you have some innate fascination with the color beige? You’ve been wearing it both days I’ve seen you. It’s probably just a silly coincidence. Are you married? I noticed you are not wearing a wedding ring…You seem kinda on the older side of things though, so shouldn’t you be married by now? Or do you just not believe in the whole marriage thing? I mean, I know some people believe that you don’t have to be married to love someone. The Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell thing, ya know? Well, you could be gay. I did notice that you’re wearing necklaces. I suppose you would call them chains. OH MY GOSH! I can’t believe I just said that…I mean, if you are gay, that’s not a bad thing…I know plenty of gay people. Do you like being called gay? Or is that the politically incorrect way of saying it? What am I doing? You haven’t even said if you are yet. I don’t blame you if you don’t tell me, I’m just nosy. Sometimes too much so. I’m sorry, I’m probably not starting this out well. You’re probably not even gonna really read this. You’re a teacher, just that. You have a life, with things to do. So you probably just check to see if all the entries are there, and then pass on to the next one. Okay, well enough said, I’m sure I’ve embarassed myself enough for one sitting. I look forward to learning about idian folklore today!
Selena Lane
P.S. Sorry again about the gay thing…especially if you’re not.
You need to log in to urbis or create an urbis account to review this writing.
Reviews
Sort Reviews by Newest | Oldest | Highest Quality | Lowest Quality | Newest Comments |
BigMamaMags reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
This 101 word review has not been unlocked.
Mikhail_S reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
This 279 word review has not been unlocked.
Supernatural1 reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
i really liked this!!! awesome!! just a helpful hint: when you have characters that are simply talking back and forth and you don’t say which character is talking, maybe have them doing something. like when andrew and selena were arguing. all we read is words. u don’t want to have just “talking heads.” you want to give us a visual of what’s going on, even though it’s ok to have “talking heads” every now and then. maybe even try to give us some description of andrew and megan so we know what they look like and aren’t trying to come up with their images on our own. just a thought. :-)
overall, i enjoyed this a lot!! great job!!!
- add/view comments (1)
Claire_D reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
I would suggest a more engaging beginning for your piece. Right now I am failing to become interested in the piece off the bat. I say this not to be rude, but to draw your attention to the shortcomings of this opening paragraph. Someone merely entering a building is insufficient to create an opening of much interest.
To remedy this, I would actually suggest beginning with the next block of writing. The next paragraph is thoroughly engaging in its own right. It has more “pullability” factor to it, and is more likely to rope the reader into the piece. For a young adult piece the language is great, although often I feel the style in which you write is “tailored” to appeal to the young rather than coming organically. If you are young then I apologise.
Witty for adolescents. I am a jaded cynic but I understand that teenagers like this sort of “in your face” humour and all manner of sexual allusions. The general events of the piece I found a tad generic, I have to say. It often pays to have some extraordinary event in a story to jazz it up. Have you considered this?
Best of luck
Claire_D
SinnerASaint reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
Great for an eightteen year-old. I am actually writing something similar to this. I think it is interesting when people write down their thoughts in contradiction to their actions. It is a beautiful way to write. If you are a fan of what you write then I would suggest reading the novel “Catcher in the Rye”.
KidMemnoch reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
The journal entries sound different from the narrative, and that’s good of course. It sounds like how a journal entry would be written. The stream of consciousness of it, hearing the character jump from thought to thought, flows well and again this was a good read. You had me laughing at some of the characteres ditzyness. Espacially the gay part.
I was very angry when reading the part about dinner with the family. How Selena’s mom and brother can be so cruel or how the dad can stay so quiet. I think your narrative is too biased, too close to Selena’s thoughts. She says she doesn’t hate her family, but from what I’ve read she should. I think it’d be important to hear about happy times in the past and why things changed for the worst. I get why she still loves her dad however, but it was hard to believe he wouldn’t atleast attempt to silence his son.
This was good though, it sparked emotion in me, which makes it interesting and I enjoyed reading it as I’m sure I’ll enjoy reading more of it in the near future.
Lenny
authorkat reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
Very busy piece…and loved every word of it! I love this style of writing because, although most people don’t like the idea of jumping back and forth with subjects…because it can be difficult to follow – I find it keeps my interest high and excitment roaring with what is going to be said or done next. The character Selena is an honest soul and outspoken…to the point where one can’t help but to love her in light of her view of her familiy which is unaffectionate and contrary. Selena comes to life as the reader gets to know her as the strong-willed, opinionated young woman that she is. Her thoughts run wild, often finding their way back to a center point. Great write…and thanks for sharing.
Showing 1 - 7 of 7
Review item
Add to favesCreator
Relevant Links
Item Stats
GENERAL
7 Reviews 5 Comments
Version 1
Latest Activity: about 1 year ago
REVIEW QUEUE
Appeared in Queue: 170 Times
Skipped: 5 Times
Ratings & Rankings
