You are correct. I will probably change that line with the off-rhyme. I actually added that right before I submitted because that line didn’t rhyme. I will try out stanzas, but usually I like my poems to flow freely. It has to do with where my life is and that love is the only thing that could separate me from that darkness. The problem is finding that love through a pitch-black field takes more effort than I feel I can sometimes give.
Poetry / A Glance Through My Eyes
Another time,
Another place,
As another dime
Rolls through my face
I see my light draw dim
As the fire within
drowns out and fades away
Within sin is where I play
Careful not to lose the bout
Drawn through my doubt
By the grim reality of who I am
What makes me this person
What makes me hide from daylight
And feel invigorate throughout the night
What makes me morally superior
Why am I driven by fear
What defines me as a man
What forces my hand
To feed the dog that bites
To justify or quantify wrongs and rights
Of me and my civilization
To find a solution to the unsolvable equation
The Marx to Democratic thought
The man to whom no one sought
No sore eyes can see
They’re running with the tears they bleed
No more sullen, counterfeit woes
No more denying my friends amongst foes
No more thinking it’s the stories I tell
Can’t even create the perfect image of Hell
Yet alone what my Heaven would be
If you’re looking for my sanity
I lost it a long, long time ago
Where this is going I don’t know
I believe that love is the hardest
Way to attempt to step from the darkness
Understand life is not something to play with
But moreover to a gift to give
To someone who’s worth the bullshit and aggravation
Knowing I’ve resorted to self-condemnation
Because I’ve waited too long to tell her my thoughts
And my intentions started to rot
Try to pull the mask back and realize that comedy is tragedy
Understand when I laugh it’s still sad to me
But the world is MY stage
Want to make her page
Into a chapter
So that she can see my past, my now, and my after
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Crazedw94 reviewed Version 2 -
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This was just mind blowing to me! I loved every bit of this. It sounded like a struggle almost with a individual who lost everything, but still fights for it deep in his mind. Magnificent mentality and brilliant.
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endlessrecital reviewed Version 2 -
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I have to say I’m blown away. I love it. Truly I do. I can totally FEEL what you are writing. And I understand. Completely and utterly.
Lenore reviewed Version 1 -
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The rhyme scheme changes from AB to AA, throwing me off a bit, if you made some stanzas between that change it would be better. I am really confused with the meaing of this poem, to be honest I have no idea, something to do with love ot the difficulty of it?
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