Poetry / To My Kindled Heart, These Angels Soar (Analysis)

This poem’s motives are good; its means need help.

However abstruse a poem may be, it always begins with a fact: a memory, an image, an emotional response. This poem begins with the most poetic fact of all: love. Bravo! Not many poets have the guts to tackle the toughest emotional fact.

And I like the title—we don’t get enough drama and hyperbole in our daily poetic diet these days. Neither are there enough poets out there employing a formal diction, especially one as in love with language for its own sake as this poet’s is.

Finally, this poet shows respect for the basic units of poetic composition: the line and the stanza. Nothing spills over here, reflecting the craft’s essential discipline. Stanza 3 is my favorite, and the poem’s heart.

The main problem here is nonetheless a lack of technique.

Because most lyric poems lack a plot, they must adopt the strategies most often used by visual artists. I think that Ansel Adams’ concept of visualization is especially relevant here. The photographer must have some sense of the overall subject and the final image before he takes his photograph. He must know the feeling and the look of the photograph he wants. So also with the poet: an overall shape and feeling must be pushing him forward in a kind of amazed gratitude. But this poem has no overall shape or conclusion.

Another principle of photography is contrast, vital not only to capturing an image by variations in light and color, but also in giving the photograph an overall movement (very often a zig-zag). This poem, however, relies too much on ornate language: we need instead some contemporary, everyday (dare I say quotidian?) diction. Surprise us with adjectives that at first don’t seem to have much to do with their nouns, or even an entire stanza written in Jazz. Move between the past and the present. Turn the auburn clad deity into a hot redhead driving a blue convertible. And it’s ok to talk about her face, even her body. Show her off a bit.

OK, enough lecturing. I’d check out the current American master of the erotic lyric, e.e. cummings. Good luck with your rewrite (and your lady! ;)

This is probably the most dense poem i have ever read and its more than a little intimidating. I had to read this a few times for meaning. and to be honest I still don’t understand it all. Im not sure if thats a good thing or not. It really depends on why you wrote it I suppose. I can respect the complex and elevated verbage.

definitely dug the flow and word crafting on this. I honestly cannot find much to critic. great word choice, imagery and intensity. nice work

hi there,

well i review and know mostly lyrics but i must say this is a very good poem based on my knowledge of poetry,very creative and orginal in the most poetic way..excellent job,,jim