Poetry / sunrise (Analysis)

Nice piece.  I would consider changing the third line “as the sun rises” because it is a bit reduntand, as you have already stated that “dawn comes” which is the rising of the sun.  I would rework it as something like “As the sun paints the clouds.”

I liked this poem. It had a lot of vivid imagery that worked well.

“neighbor’s voices floating on
the crisp morning air
dogs bark and chickens peck” This makes it sound like you can hear the chickens peck.

“but for this moment
it is morning” I’m not sure if I like the ending. It seems almost flat. I was expecting something more inspirational then “it is morning.”

its always hard to critique a poem that is so close to the writers heart.  i love the idea of the poem, but for me it almost reads like a long run on sentence. i think one way to remedy this is by maybe adding in some line breaks to seperate a new thought. for instance, i feel a new thought begins with “tiny sparrows”, maybe that could be the first line of the new stanza.  also the last line seems out of place. “but for this moment it is morning”.  you haven’t really provided any balance to that statement throughout the poem, its basically a reiteration of your description of the morning.  i think with some word revamping and line breaks this would be a solid piece.  just my thoughts, of course. great start!

Loved the colorful and enlightening play with words in this piece.

and paints  the clouds
orange, red and yellow
while tiny sparrows
litter the morning sky
below, the grass lays nestled
under its blanket of dew-undisturbed
then— a rustle- a stir- signs of life
the rooster’s alarm

Phenomenol write…beautiful wording and romantic style.

You have a good sense of imagery.  I feel that “explosion of…” would have more impact if you shortened it.  One can easily imagine for himself that dawn, described as an explosion, would involve sun rise.  Try to use fewer words in conveying your experience.

It’s as you describe. This is just an ordinary morning.  Nothing special about it. The sun came up, the world did it’s thing – but that you found the hidden glory in a new day rising was the perfect inspiration for this piece. Just as the sun rises and sets we carry on and things are going to be okay.

I have never felt a pain so great as to lose a loved on so close, the way you did, but I can feel the hope brimming within this piece. It’s very lovely. Thank you so much for sharing this and I very much look forward to seeing more of your work!

A  skillful use of language to paint a picture of dawn -  a picture both of what you saw and what you felt.

A beautiful poem because it has a complete control over emotion. In spite of the circumstances in which the poem was written, it does not spill over the emotion that has given rise to its composition. The best thing about this poem is that it contains pure experience. And poetry is all about pure experience. The pitch of the poem is just right.