Howya,
I’m stealing that, you’re bang-on as usual.
Many, many thanks,
Bosco
Poetry / The man who died for art.
They nailed him to a frame,
and stretched his parchment skin,
as they painted on his pain.
The man who died for art,
now hangs in marble halls,
content, serene, established.
You need to log in to urbis or create an urbis account to review this writing.
Reviews
Sort Reviews by Newest | Oldest | Highest Quality | Lowest Quality | Newest Comments |
chickiemcweird reviewed Version 2 -
Read 100% of the Item
If I wrote this I’d put product before process, then strip it further to the bones of inspiration in a third verse.
I model nude for artists and they flesh me up from generic lines and shapes. It is interesting to watch oneself be recreated from the amorphous that underlies every image.
Is he bleeding serene? Bleeding ochres and umbers in an understated ambiance that mutes compositional violence? Because if I were him I’d be pissed off. I’d rather die in squalor than be a coffee table book.
- add/view comments (0)
tia_logic reviewed Version 2 -
Read 100% of the Item
This is ineteresting. I don’t think you need the commas at frame and art. The line break gives it enough stop, but that’s nitpicking because I don’t have any real criticism.
It’s curious whether or not your Jeebus refrence is tongue-in-cheek or not.. i can’t decide. Although I’m writing a paper on Intelligent Design just now, and have proposed my thesis that Aldus Huxley is, in fact, God. Supported by the Big Brain Theory. Which is just to say subtlty is nice, and I lack that skill.
I like you.
ParticoRomulus reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
A great short form poem. It’s particularly impressive that you treat such an abstract subject in so few words and make it work; obviously a function of the precision of your language. On that point, I wouldn’t change a thing about S2.
As for S1, it feels off rhythmically. ’wooden’ seems redundant, as ‘nailed’ will evoke the wood, supported by ‘frame’. ’taut’ too in the 2nd line seems unnecessary. I think you’ve already got the language you need in that stanza, you just need to chip it away. As always, take it or leave it, but this sounds more rhythmic to me, and matches the first two lines of S2 better.
they nailed him to a frame
and stretched his parchment skin
Then it’s 6/6/7 6/6/7. Just a thought. As usual, in the big picture, great stuff.
GreenIguana reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
This is interesting but seems not quite complete. Also, “established” ruins the rhyme that you established, lol. I would change that word.
I think you are making a comment on how artists appropriate human suffering for their work, and perhaps raising the issue of whether this is a kind of sadism. Yet in the end you paint the picture, lol, of the subject being happy…as if there is a masochism at work there, or a martyr complex. If it was a REAL martyr, he wouldn’t have died “for art” although he may have been satisfied to know his martyrdom became a subject for art, hence publicizing whatever his cause was. Thus the poem seems slightly odd to me…I’d be interested to know more about what you were thinking.
aliciatr reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
Great point of view.
Stanza 1 has the near rhyme of frame and pain, but stanza 2 doesn’t. I suggest getting rid of the close-rhyme in the 1st…perhaps by changing “pain” to agony, suffering, or ???
themadnessicreate reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
This is a wonderfully written piece. It is simple, to the point, and creates the image very well.
I love, “stretched taut his cracking parchment skin, as they painted on his pain,” and the description of the man as “content, serene, established.”
I have no revisions to send to you as advice. It is lovely as is.
BeccathePromoMami reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
I love the allusion to the Crucifixion. I’m not 100% sure if this piece is actually about Jesus (which I doubt) or if it’s about a canvas, or just art in general. I don’t think it needs to be clarified, I was just wondering.
The image in the first line was very powerful. It will either grab the reader right away (as it did for me) or scare them away – and isn’t that what you want in imagery? Everyone will bring their own experience to this piece, so I’m sure your reviews will be peppered with many different interpretations. I’d love to know how YOU intended it.
The last line was a bit cryptic. The rest of the poem is all imagery and this line was exposition – which is not necessarily a bad thing. I’m just struggling to see where it fits.
great read.
shamanfox reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
Well put, They captured their own impressions of that man. The true art could not be looked at and admired as this piece so often seems to be.
Showing 1 - 8 of 8
Review item
Add to favesCreator
Relevant Links
Item Stats
GENERAL
2 Reviews 0 Comments
Version 2
Latest Activity: 12 days ago
REVIEW QUEUE
Appeared in Queue: 0 Times
Skipped: 0 Times
Ratings & Rankings
Versions
| Version 2 | Version 1 (Deleted) |