Poetry / Take This Sin From Me (Analysis)

This poem spoke to me as no other has, reading about pain and understanding what it is you are reading two very different things. This poem put things into perspective for me. I thank you for what you made me realize I will never forget this poem. Keep writing you may help other people’s perspectives besides mine.

I think that this piece of work is both sad and romantic. In away it reminds me of the old Wuthering Heights movie with Lawrace Olive, in away that it is both touching and deeply moving

Honestly, it’s bit melodramatic, but I like it.  I believe your strongest stanza has to be 5.  One of the reasons why I found it particularly great is the beginning line “Set in stone…”  It’s a great way to say that tomorrow will always come.  Also, it is in the stanza where most of the pain is expressed, and where I found it emotionally gripping.  I’m not sure of the idea of memories taking away sin…?  It’s still not developed.  Also, the use of repetition isn’t quite working for the ending.  Great body of work just fiddle with it a bit.

The powerful emotion and rhythm of this poem is maintained throughout – good job!  I love the shift in the last lines of the stanza to indicate what has changed – first “Forever and always”, then transformed to “Never again and nevermore”.  Really very good.

Very nice, although I think for such short lines the long stanzas stand out a little too much. Perhaps double up the lines (Make2 into one ) or break it up into more stanzas?

Reguardless, Ireally enjoyed this peace and I hope you write much more, you are very good!

Really good…if you expect criticism from me on this one find an expert…Im probably only beginner almost towards novice

Poems like this I always find a little weak. It just seems to drag one’s attention down the page with it. The repetition seems unwarranted do to the seemingly formless structure. Even the rhythm is inconsistant. It hink with this type of poem you’d be better off to work it into a traditional form of sorts. It’s already halfway to being a villanelle! It just seem effortlessly composed and I’d rather work more and get something worthwhile from the effort than have something handed to me. That may just be me… Good luck!

  - A_P

The good:
Attracting title

The bad:
The entire first paragraph – a complete though away as far as poetry, in most common definitions go. It had no images, no metaphor, no music, nothing particularly interesting except for the plain statement of a feeling.

The contortion of syntax to force a rhyme scheme

Cliche after cliche like, “wasting away” and “forever and always”

The bottom line:
I am not a fan of this one, I thought it lacked depth. I don’t think poems have to confuse people to be good but I just think that you could have been a bit more imaginative and less spelled out in crayon.

For a split second I thought – for talent, what should I give you, since this is just one poem of yours I have read. I gave you what I think this poem deserves – because you can feel, it truly comes from the heart, from the aching choaking heart.
The poem flows well, the words and imagery you have chosen really made me feel the feelings I too, have felt before, from the pain of love lost.  I especially find this true of the line “to drown the thoughts that bury me” – you’re wishing you could kill the repetition of pain that’s going on in your mind (in your heart), which itself, is killing you inside. At the time, this kind of pain consumes your being.
Lovely heart-felt poem.

This is a universal theme.  It is something nearly everyone goes through which gives this a familiar feel.  It just misses being a pity party, but only just.  It also has a past tense feel, this is really over and the writer is just remembering nostalgically.  It will probably be a tidbit in the writers memory box for decades, to be taken out now and then and maybe shed a tear over what-might-have-been.  I think the poet here, need to keep writing there is definite talent showing.   .
peace,
starblue