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Novel Treatments / High Seas (Working Title)
PROLOUGE
The ocean was black that night. Darker than the night itself. Darker than Lucky Johnny’s eye patch. The one he had earned himself with his first tangle with the captain of the Baron. Ruthless crew the Barons be. The only enemies of the Siren. The only other crew that dared stand up to them. It was an everlasting battle between the two ships. A battle to see who would one day finally rule The High Seas.
Going back to that night. Captain Roger Flint stared blankly into the sky. The rhythmic sound of waves slapping against the hold was starting to get to him. No. He had to stay awake. The rest of the crew was fast asleep and not much help right now. He found himself twirling the watch again. He had often caught himself fidgeting with the gold pocket watch. It was more beautiful piece of his collection. It wasn’t the most valuable or the brightest, but it was his favorite nonetheless. It had never left his pocket in over twelve years.
The crew thought he was crazy to carry it around when he had even more presentable ones. What stirred the crews interest even more was the fact that he had killed countless men who had tried to touch it. Even when he had given away countless other pieces of his collection to locals of the town which they had docked for the night. But none of them knew the story behind that particular trinket. It was the reason he had sold his soul to the Beast and embarked on a life of piracy. It was the story behind his cold, green eyes. The story he had never told a living soul. The story that eats away at his insides every day. But he still had hope. Hope that he would one day find her, and that she was still alive somewhere. He had sworn he would someday find her and put away the scurvy-ridden captain of the Baron once and for all. And in the morning, he would reveal his long awaited journey to the rest of the crew and the chase would begin.
All he had to do was stay awake and not lose sight of his first destination on his voyage for vengeance. Just had to stay awake….
1
CHAPTER 1
The salt in the sea was the strongest it had been in a very long time. The Captain sat pondering his newest and quite possibly most risky endeavor. But he was a long dead man. He had nothing to really live for. His crew was the only family he had ever known. The crew of the Siren, the most famous pirate ship in the whole world, had been together since Lucky Johnny had first jumped aboard while being pursued by the entire Baron. The Baron was, or rather is, the only ship that could stand up to the Siren with hope of actually getting themselves out alive and in, if they were lucky, one piece. But anyway, the entire Siren had been a team since the addition of their final member Lucky Johnny.
Four Years Earlier:
The Siren had been docked at the remote sailors island of Triskan. An isle inhabited by the lowest life forms you would ever find. It was a very small town but it was packed to its fullest with everything the world traveler would need. Complete with a total of seven bars and pubs stocked with enough whiskey and brandy to hold the British Navy drunk for months on end. That is, if the Royal fleet could find it. Triskan was the worlds best kept secret. Only known to black market traders and pirates of all sorts. It was the meeting point for the Siren. If they had ever gotten split up, they would meet there. No one on the Siren is ever left behind, no matter what. The boat would not leave the port until all heads were present. Little did they know that on that particular day, there would be one more head than when they had docked.
The crew was at one of the local pubs, Captain Charlie’s to be exact, (Captain Charlie was the fist one to discover Triskan about a hundred years ago) when they heard an argument coming from the small room behind the bar. Now Charlie’s wasn’t the biggest or most elaborate of the buildings, but it had rooms that no one had even seen before. There were doors that when opened were so empty and haunting that it would send the coldest shivers running down your spine. Charlie was known to be an eccentric, thought to be crazy, but he was a genius. He was a ruthless pirate who, in his time, was richer than the king and queen themselves. He took all of his gold and stashed it throughout every nook and cranny on the island. He may have been rich, but all the gold in the world couldn’t help his memory. The Captain always would forget everything, that is, unless he would make a record of his things.
So Charlie made a detailed list of every place he stashed his money and how much was where. The list was the first thing to be found, with every hiding place pillaged thereafter. But there was still one place, inside the pub, that no one had found. Some say
his ghost took it back, others say it was never there, but everyone agrees that it would be the most gold any of them had ever seen. So to sum everything up, the pub was filled with secret passages and rooms to nowhere. But that day, when the bar was at its usual, fights here and there, games of cards, and the occasional drunk. Except there was one thing out of place. An argument seemingly coming out of nowhere. This immediately got the patrons’ attention. Captain Flint knew the one voice all too well. It was Damien Black, the captain of the Baron.
“Where’s my money, boy?”, Black was shouting at what sounded like a young man, no older than eighteen
“I told you”, the boy said with surprising confidence. No one in their right mind would ever talk to Black that way, “I’ll get it to you as soon as I can get it.”
“See that its in my hand no later than noon tomorrow.”, Black said easing up on the boy a bit.
“And what if its not?”, the boy said with even more cockiness. Flint winced at this remark because he knew all too well that if you don’t want to get shot in the back, you don’t talk to Black, or any pirate for that matter that way.
“Well” Black said smoothly, “If its not paid, in full, then you might just have another meeting with Miss Ambellina.”
The confidence went straight out the window after that. Ambellina was the name that Black gave to his knife. It was supposedly named after his mother, but everyone knew the real story behind it. The knife was named after the first person he had ever killed with it. He names everything that way. Ambellina was thought to be Blacks first wife, that he had killed after she couldn’t give him a son. Obviously the boy had had a previous run in with the Captain and had to face the blade.
“There now” Black said, breaking the silence, “is that enough to get you to see things my way?” He asked with a strange emphasis on the word see.
“Yes sir, I shall have it for you tomorrow” said the boy, sounding defeated.
After the little fight had stopped, the pub went back into its normal routine of gambling drinking and violence. Yet Flint was rather curios about the boy. Who he was, why he owed Black money, and even how he was associated with The Captain of the Baron. All around him things were being thrown, broken and smashed. It was a pirates paradise. The crew seemed to be occupied so he slipped out and followed the boy.
The boy was talking to the local fruit seller, no doubt trying to get him to lower his price for an apple. “Apples are natures glory and should be held at the highest price” He would always say when people tried to badger him.
The boy was having no luck so Flint decided to come to the rescue.
“Come on mister” the boy said pleadingly,” I just need some food. One apple. And that’s it. I’ll never ask again, I just need some food”
The old vendor repeated himself so much that Flint could sing what the vendor was going to say next. “Time for me to swoop in” Roger thought to himself. He walked up next to the boy and said, “Two apples please.”
The vendor, the shrewd old goat that he was, fired back, “One per person. We don’t need you eating everyone else’s apples.”
“Oh, its not for me” the Captain said back calmly, “One for me and one for the boy here”
The boy, obviously dumbstruck, managed to get out something that remotely sounded like a thank you. The vendor, muttering comments about the no good trash around here, gave them each and apple.
Flint was right in assuming the boys age. He didn’t look a day over seventeen. The one thing that made him look older was his eye patch. A kid his age should never have an eye patch. The comment about having another meeting with Ambellina from Black now made sense.
“Wow, I don’t know how to thank you,” he proclaimed with the utmost happiness.
“First”, the Captain said, “you can tell me what you were doing with Captain Black”
“How do you know Mr. Black?” the boy asked
“I was going to ask you the same question” Flint said demandingly.
“Me n’ him are…business partners” he was a bad liar.
“Oh really?” Flint asked questioningly.
“Yeah” he said as his face turned darker and darker shades of red.
“Tell me then, why is it that you owe him money”
“You know, a little gambling can go a long way if you’re not careful”
“Is that how you lost your eye?”
“That was my last payment”
“Seems like you didn’t learn your lesson the first time. Black is a man of his word. Even if his word isn’t what you want to here. He says you get the money, you better get the money”
“Sounds like you’re a good friend of Blacks” the boy said, more comfortable.
“Far from it” Flint said with a chuckle, “We have been rivals for the longest time”
“Who are you? I don’t think I caught your name.” the boy asked. “I’m Johnny by the way.”
“I,” Flint said with a little flourish “am Captain Roger Flint. Captain of the Siren and leader of the most feared and respected crew ever to sail the seas.”
“Wow”, Johnny said, astonished, “I’ve only heard about you. I never knew you were even real. I’m actually meeting the legendary captain of the Siren. Its an honor, sir.”
A bit taken aback by the sudden enthusiasm, Flint changed the subject. “What be your debt that you owe Black?”
“I owe him a total of ten gold pieces and eight silver”, Johnny said coming back to reality.
Flint looked back at the bar to find his crew was nowhere to be seen. Dismissing it as they were just out looking for him, he continued with Johnny. “That’s a hefty debt you have on your hands” he said without a trace of sympathy, “what is it that you’re planning on doing?”
“To be honest, I was just going to stowaway on a ship and hope to never cross Blacks path again” Johnny said, half sure of himself.
“Sounds like you have no intention of ever paying that money back”
“No sir, I don’t” Johnny replied with full honesty.
“And what ship were you looking to seek haven in?” Flint asked, already knowing what the answer would be.
“Haven’t thought it out yet. But I was just going to hop the biggest ship I could find” Johnny said, finishing his apple.
“Well, good luck with whatever you decide to do. I must be going now though, seem to have lost me crew” Flint said, finalizing the conversation.
“Thanks for the apple sir.” Johnny shouted as Flint walked away.
“Aye, better get used to calling me “Captain” from now on. I have a feeling we’ll be seeing a lot of each other” Flint shouted without even turning to face him.
Roger couldn’t see Johnny, but he knew that he must have the most bewildered look on his face. Johnny didn’t know what Flint meant by that, but the Captain knew exactly what he was doing. Flint was a smart man. Almost too smart for a pirate. The minute Johnny said his plans on hopping a ship; he knew precisely what ship the boy was aiming for. His. The Siren was always the biggest, most elaborate eye-catching ship ever to dock at Triskan. Next to the Baron, which he would make an effort to stay away from. The boy was sure to hide out in the hold of The Siren. With that, Captain Flint set out to find the rest of his crew.
The remainder of the Siren was already checked into the local inn, having given up on the search for their misplaced captain. It took Roger at least an hour of aimless wandering before he heard the men arguing over the bill in their room. “Like always.” Flint muttered under his breath. His men were always fighting over something. Just like a real family. But in some sense that was a good thing because as far as Flint knew, they were the only family any of them had ever had.
As he made his way through the dimly lit street to the creaky door of Mandrakes Inn, he thought about the boy again. Although he knew Johnny would wake to find himself in the middle of the ocean and his only option would be to join the Siren and embark on a life of piracy with the best crew out there, he felt sorry for him. No one that age should have to endure half of what he had. Flint tried to imagine being fifteen and having an eye patch, enormous debts and a ship of pirates after him. It was not in Flints nature to be sympathetic, he felt a strange sense of responsibility for the boy.
He tried to shake off the feeling as he made his way into the Inn. Flint was not entirely familiar with this particular building so he decided to ask the shady looking fellow behind the desk. As he got closer, he began to realize he was asleep. “Excuse me,” he said as he made his way to the counter, “I be looking for me crew.” Sleeping Beauty didn’t move a muscle, so Roger decided to try again. “Hey, mate, a group of ruffians came in here not too long ago. I need to know what room they’re in.” Seeing that there was no hope of waking the man peacefully, Flint tried a different method. The Captain took out his pistol and fired a shot into the desk, making an echoing boom.
“Aye, what the blazes?” He said, jolting up.
“Good, now that I have your attention,” Flint said, tucking away his pistol. “I need to know where my crew is.”
“What they look like?” he asked half asleep.
“Hard to miss,” Captain replied “about five of them. Look a lot like me.”
“Room Six.” The man said, pulling his hat over his eyes, ready to go back to sleep.
Roger, feeling as though he forgot something, fired another shot inches away from the man foot.
“Bloody hell!” he shouted, being woken for the second time.
“I knew I forgot something.” Flint muttered as he headed up the stairs, grinning.
Just as he had suspected, the crew were still fighting, this time about who gets the bed. “I think I should get the bed.” He heard Zander shouting.
“And why is that?” he heard William fire back.
“On account of I’m the best looking and I need my beauty rest.” There he goes again, the captain thought to himself. As he reached for the door, he decided to sit and listen for awhile before making his presence known.
“You’re so full of it Zander.” Isaac, the ships chef said, yawning.
“We should wait for the Captain to come back.” William said. He was Flints right hand man, and always sticking up for him.
“Why don’t you all bag it before I gut the lot of you.” Shadow broke in angrily. This surprised Flint more than anything. He hadn’t heard Shadow say a word in what seemed like forever. Once Shadow says something, you would be doing your best to follow it because when he got angry, he wasn’t the quiet person everyone knew. Roger had once seen him break a barkeeps neck for not accepting his money. After and awkward pause, Zander broke the silence.
“Where is the bloody captain anyway?” he asked softly.
“Damned if I know.” Isaac replied tiredly.
Figuring that he had heard enough, Flint kicked open the door and shouted, “Some pirates you are. How long did ye look for me before you crawled away with your tails between your legs?” They were no strangers to Flint’s outbursts. Most of the time they were all in good fun, just meant to get them riled up. This time it didn’t work as well. “What be the matter with you lot?” he asked, sensing tension.
“The Barons what’s wrong,” William replied, “they tried to run us out of the bar. And without you there, there wasn’t much we could do.”
“They kept asking about a boy.” Isaac butted in, “They said that he owed them money and that we were hiding him somewhere.”
“When we said we didn’t know what he was talking about, he took out his dagger and threatened Gabble.” Zander said, disgusted. He had good reason too. Him and Gabble were the closer of any two members. When they had found Gabble, he was stranded on a ship and scared out of his mind. He didn’t speak English so it was hard to understand him. We later learned he wasn’t speaking any known language at all. Zander was the only one who seemed to understand what he said. Ever since then, they had been the best of friends.
But there wasn’t room for another person on the ship and that had left Zander heartbroken. Flint had finally given in and let Gabble be the “caretaker” of the Siren. He loved his job too. He would always wake up first and start early with his mop and bucket so he could get started. By now, he was just as much a part of the family as anyone. Getting back to reality, Flint asked, “What did they do to him?”
“Nothing really,” William replied, “they just waved a gun at him. I knew they wouldn’t do anything. Zander here got a bit worked up though.”
“I’m telling you, they would have done it if we hadn’t have run.” Zander said through gritted teeth.
“Easy now, its over.” The Captain said, trying to be comforting.
“I can’t wait till we send them straight to the bottom of the ocean.” William said, slightly changing the subject.
“All in good time mates.” The Captain said, “But for now, we should all get some sleep.” He would let them figure out they were about to get a one person larger crew on their own.
Flint awoke in the morning to find his crew nowhere to be seen. On thing he did find was the room they had stayed in to be in tatters. Great, he thought, they left me to deal with the room.
He knew if he didn’t want to deal with an angry owner, Flint would have to leave the inn without being seen. Pirates were known for their lack of respect for others’ property. The Siren was no different. They had trashed at least one room in every inn or safe haven from Triskan to England. Inn owners were not particularly happy when their rooms were left to look like a pigsty. Damage costs could be anywhere from five to five hundred gold pieces, depending on the class of the inn.
Roger glanced out the window to see The Siren already boarded by his men. Weighing his chances of confrontation with a disgruntled keeper, he decided to try his luck with a window escape. He climbed out onto the narrow ledge and slowly lowered himself down. Someone was sure to see him, so he tried to avoid injury in case someone felt like running him down.
After he had dangled himself out the window, there was still a good five-foot drop. He knew he was taking a risk but dropped the rest of the way without a scratch. Not wanting to draw any further attention, Flint walked slowly towards his ship. About halfway there, he heard the inevitable. The Innkeeper was shouting and running towards him, not looking his friendliest. Flint sped up his pace first to a jog but then to a full out sprint. He ran up the loading ramp and yelled for them to shove off before kicking to ramp into the sea. The Siren waved to the inn keep, smugly, as they sailed away.
“Good Christ, we thought you would never wake up.” Isaac laughed as he gave Roger a bear hug.
“You all know I love a good trash and run.” Flint panted.
“Who knows you better than us?” Zander said from behind the wheel.
“Before we go any further,” Flint remembered, “there’s some one I would like to introduce you to.”
Flint led them into the hold of the ship. Sure enough, there was a foreign object sleeping in the flour.
“Wake up boy,” Roger sang as Johnny opened his eyes, “And welcome aboard The Siren.”
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The first pirate story I ever read (at least, read myself—3rd grade teacher read Treasure Island to my class back in the day when teachers did such things). Very fun.
The story is solid as a sure-set keel. Captain Flint’s slow, conniving revenge against Captain Black is a simple and effective plot, and with the life you breathe into your characters, I expect it to be a very fun ride. The little details, such as Flint’s watch, are so valuable to a story, they are worth every word used.
The writing quality, however, did deminish toward the end. Perhaps you were too excited in your writing and wanted to get everything on the page, which is good to get it all out of your head first, but it needs a few more revision wipes. Especially the dialog. The dialog toward the end rapidly crossed into the depths of cheesiness, but, like I said, a few more revisions should clean that up.
Well done.
SS
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pretty good story your characters are fairly believable, even for one eyed pirates etc.
couple of small things I would change:
“It was more beautiful piece of his collection”
not exactly sure what you are trying to say here, maybe a left out word?
”...countless men who had tried to touch it. Even when he had given away countless other pieces of his collection….”
countless used too many times in this short of space.
some other small typos but I wont waste your credits, go over it again and you will find them.
an engaging story good job and keep writing.
I like where this seems to be going. It sort of reminds me of Pirates of the Carribean but that maybe just me. If it is one of your inspiration points just make sure not to use the hype as fuel because that dies down quick. Overall I think it’s good. It’s not all ‘Arrr walk the plank u scurvy cur’ which is a super good thing. One thing to watch is the grammar.
Great Job
Well when i read it it was pretty good. A little confusing. Like this sentence for instance.
“Seems like you didn’t learn your lesson the first time. Black is a man of his word. Even if his word isn’t what you want to here. He says you get the money, you better get the money‿
It sounds at first like Black owes the money then sounds like instead its the boy that owes the money. Anyways besides little mistakes like that it is very good. Keep writing and I’ll keep reading.
I liked this even more than i liked the last thing you submitted, was it the third part? I don’t know, but now that i understand what’s going on it sounds a lot better. Your spelling needs some work, and in a few places you switched viewpoints. Nothing that really jumped out at me. I really liked your characters so far, though i’d like a better decription of Flint. Good job, and keep it up because i want to read more.
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Ok I think you have the wrong meaning for what a Prologue is. You should having put the four years earlier part in the Prologue because a prologue is an introdution to what happens to your charactors later on in the story plot. To be honest the writing was good but the four years earlier bit in the middle of the story threw me off.
This is very good, especially for a 14 year old. Not that 14 year olds can’t write, but you write with skill beyond your years. Considering the popularity of pirates now with the pirates of the caribbean movies, people would really want to read this story. Just try to look for little errors, like in the beginning when you described the pocket watch, you say “It was more beautiful peace” it should be “It was the most beautiful” or “It was one of the more beautiful…” Hope I helped a little! I’m on my way to read chapter 2.
As a fan of anything pirate I genuinely enjoyed this piece. You have done a good job of creating an easy to follow adventure that can keep my attention…something most people cant do with me.
My only advice to you is in this subject matter, you have to walk a thin line. It is very easy for your work to become cliche. If you can avoid this I can gurantee this will become a success. I look forward to reading more. Kudos.
you put the reader into the picture with your description of the scene --gives intrigue--Iwant to read more.no onewrite good pirate stories since treasure island captain kid nothing like a good swashbuckler.
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