Short Story / It's Been Five Years
I killed myself five years ago.
It was March 29th 2003. She was in the ends of a horrible destructive relationship that was falling apart, and although she should have been grateful for that fact, she wasn’t. She was utterly heart broken and depressed. She didn’t think she deserved anything better then what she had gotten. She knew it was going to be over but she still held on to the hope that perhaps today wouldn’t be the day since it was an especially bad day for her. She was dealing with major depression and her medications just weren’t doing the trick. She was walking on a string, anything could have tipped her off.
That morning she had awoken with the thought that she would be meeting her boyfriend and some friends at the mall and going to some sort of fair. She remembered that he had told her that he would call her, so she waited. and waited. Time kept going by and still no call. She decided she would go to the mall and call him from her cellphone in the car. She called him and he became so angry with her for disturbing him. He yelled at her telling her that she needs to lay off him and let him be with his friends. Yelled at her, humiliated her. She lost it, her mind broke right there. It was too much for her. She was trying so hard to hold it all together; to keep herself insane. She was so filled with rage and other confusing emotions that she didn’t know what to do with it and it all came out in a whirlwind of screams and violent thrashing of the phone. She snapped. She turned on her car and sped out of the mall parking lot. She didn’t know where she would go, her mind was in a blur. She didn’t want her parents to see her so upset again since they had been so worried about her lately, so she drove herself to her therapists office where she spoke to her therapist very briefly. Once she had spoken to her therapist she began to experience a strange calmness come over her body. She didn’t even remember what she had spoken to her therapist about but whatever it was, it was enough to get her to feel better temporarily. After that, she drove home to change into a different outfit. She had just been dumped. rejected. she found the shortest skirt she owned in her closet and the tightest, most revealing top she could find. Threw her boots on and did her hair and makeup. She wanted to go to the mall, it was friday. She was bound to see someone she knew. She didn’t want to be alone. She grabbed her purse and threw her tranquilizers in it just in case, and took off again for the mall. Once she got there, at first she was fine. she saw a bunch of people from school, and some regular mall rat people that she knew. After some time, she started to break down again. The emotion hit her like a brick and she wanted it to stop. She walked around the mall trying to ignore it, suddenly she realized that her now ex boyfriend was possibly somewhere in the mall. she was overwhelmed; she didn’t want to see him or his friends. As she was walking quickly towards the door she ran into her cousin. Strangely she felt the need to give him a hug and tell him that she loved him even though they fought and teased each other a lot when they were little. He seemed to have realized that she had been rejected by her boyfriend and told her to go outside and sit on a bench with some friends. she listened to him and met up with some friends from school. it was too much for her. she couldn’t handle it. she didn’t know what to do with herself. as she was sitting, surrounded by people (hardly only a couple she might consider actual friends) she got an idea. she figured out how she would end her pain. she remembered her pills in her purse. it was a brand new prescription of ativan. she had quite a large quantity in the bottle. not caring whether anyone would notice her doing it, she poured all the pills in her mouth as though it were candy and ate them. someone noticed. a few people noticed. she quickly tried to get up and walk towards her car to leave. she was fully intent on crashing, but no one let her leave. Someone called 911. Very quickly the medications took affect. She couldn’t argue. she had no strength. she felt incredibly calm. She started to drift…in and out. the ambulance arrived and the emt knew her. she had been in and out of the hospital alot within such a short time period. she began sobbing once she realized that he recognized her. She could barely walk. The emts helped her climb in the back of the truck where they strapped her in with everyone gathering to watch. It seemed like all the kids that were at the mall that day were all outside watching her crash and burn. Little did she know that her ex boyfriend was nearby, seemingly observing everything ( or so i heard).
In the ambulance she was in and out of consciousness. She never remembered arriving at the hospital but knows she did because she remembered gaining some conciousness while some nurse was trying to remove her clothing. Quickly, she lost consciousness again. Thats when she died. Her heart couldnt take it anymore. It stopped. The meds were stronger then her. She’s dead. She’s gone.
She’ll never know what its like to live like a mentally healthy human being again. That’s all she ever wanted; to be able to function mentally and emotionally like the average teenager. She never wanted the stigma associated with being mentally ill. Instead she gave up on her potential to be something wonderful.
You need to log in to urbis or create an urbis account to review this writing.
Reviews
Sort Reviews by Newest | Oldest | Highest Quality | Lowest Quality | Newest Comments |
This 93 word review has not been unlocked.
“She knew it was going to be over but she still held on to the hope that perhaps today wouldn’t be the day since it was an especially bad day for her.”
That part I don’t like because you used the word day a few times, kind of stopped me.
“She was trying so hard to hold it all together; to keep herself insane.” keep herself insane or sane? :) Also I feel like the second paragraph was a little redundant, it was pretty obvious she lost it, but you went a little overboard explaining that. Although I do understand you may have wanted to emphasize that.
”...her therapists office where she spoke to her therapist very briefly.” try to change the wording so it’s not so repetitive (you used the word a bit too much). Like cut out the second “therapist” try ”...where she spoke to him briefly.”
Watch your capitals, you had short one word, and a lot of other sentences in lower case… seems like you gave up on decent grammar, which is inconsistent and people are going to notice, which will make the stop reading.
Feels like teenage angst suicide story number nine thousand. While I don’t let grammar make the story for me, this was a bit too much off to keep reading comfortably. Plus, the fact that I didn’t know who she was or what she looked like, or what anyone looked like it made it more annoying. Further, it was very redundant, you had too much about one emotion and little explanation as to why.
For example, why is she having anxiety attacks? Did she have some sort of traumatic event in her past? Why does she go to this therapist? What do they talk about? Is it just genetic? She seemed to know everyone, but none of them had names. All I know is she’s distraught, and the break up or supposed break up (it didn’t seem like one, just looked like the boyfriend was angry… and a jerk), but I guess that’s possibly how teenagers work these days. Was she clinging to him?
For the sake of being philosophical, I liked the ending more than the rest of the story. Living with a mental illness compared to a person without is definitely a challenge, I’ve always wondered how hard it would be. Having a relationship would probably be extremely difficult as well.
Anyway, to fix it up if you ever pursue writing it over again, try to explain the surroundings, give a brief back story, create a personality for each character… be more descriptive. I think you were trying to make a point here, but I got lost because I don’t really know what illness she has, why or how it happened, I don’t know any of them at all. Give us some history. The whole bit about wandering the mall was completely blank, it felt like someone was just telling me about a horrible thing really fast.
That’s about all I have, hope it helps, and I hope you don’t take this review the wrong way. Keep writing!
- add/view comments (0)
Showing 1 - 2 of 2
Review item
Add to faves
GENERAL
REVIEW QUEUE
Ratings & Rankings
