Poetry / Gold Street 5 (Analysis)
I walk along this black gold street
Five paces behind you now
Disappearing into the crowd
As distant stars burn themselves out
But you shine like the Midnight Sun
Turning these neon lights gray
In a stark rich contrast to you
Where they fall short of your glory
I watch you from across the room
As painted flower girls compete
For your divided attention
Like crows pecking at the corn stalk
Stoic in your civility
As they bask inside your grandeur
You look around hesitantly
Making sure that I am still there
© 2007 charlotte j howell
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I liked your use of metaphors.
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This is a really nice piece that has a mini short story inside it as well. You can’t help but to wonder whether the person is the groom or the man who lost her. I think it’s very good and it is indeed publishable.
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I just reviewed another of your poems and, while I enjoyed this one too, I didn’t feel like it was as strong as the first. The line “stoic in your civility” is really very powerful. I can imagine how it makes the writer feel to see someone so concerned with airs and appearances and yet aware of it all the same. I also feel the longing that the writer has for this person and can’t help but wonder why she, or he maybe, isn’t over there as well. It doesn’t flow as well as your first piece though and it loses it cohesiveness a few times. Overall, very good. But not up to the lofty expectations I have for you after reading your first piece.
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