Flash Fiction / In The Hallway Now, Happy. (Analysis)
You worry that he is mad. You see him making eye contact with just you across the crowd. He just saw you spit onto his rug. You are rubbing it in with your shoe now. You feel like an asshole, alone at this party. He is a close friend of your close friend, whom you can’t seem to spot right now. He is approaching, and you are feeling worse and worse as he approaches. You look down and see the darkened spot where your spit and foot have rubbed the shag against its grain. You are an asshole and no one you know is within reach. Before he says anything you say, “I’m sorry.” “This rug cost three hundred dollars,” he says. He has every right to get upset, or violent. “Why did you do that?” “I had to spit.” “What the fuck?” he says. His voice is much louder than yours. you think to yourself, ’what the fuck?’ “Get the fuck out.” You say again that you’re sorry. Why would a man your age be spending so much money on a rug anyway? You’ve never even considered buying a rug. He pushes you unexpectedly and you lose your balance and fall onto a couch full of bodies. Hands are on many parts of your back and legs. You are pushed back up and grab onto him for balance and you realize how connected you are to him, how close you two are now. You are drunk and you almost start crying but you straighten out and say, “I’m leaving.” You open the wrong door and there are people on the bed, and you are so alone, and he shouts directly into your ear asking what the fuck you’re doing, and you weep and fall onto him. You want to hold him because you are oh so lonely and any contact at all is contact, and all contact makes you want to cry and cry. His hand is on your shoulder and leading you to the front door and you want to thank him. You turn your head over your shoulder and you are ever more thankful that he hasn’t punched you in the face. You want to marry his sister and feel as if you have, in a way, and that you would kiss his hand right now if you could crane your neck far back enough, but the door is now open and now closed and a stiff shove has knocked you to your knees.
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