Journalism / The Hatred (Analysis)
She felt her hatred begin to boil up inside her. Her face buried in her hands, as her body shook madly. She took a deep breath and then pushed herself from where she sat on the floor.
Piece by piece her feet traveling along the familiar pathway along the stairs as she began wondering what she was going to do once she got to her destination. Her body still shaking as she pulled open the draw her fingers feeling over the familiar knives that laid so perfectly in the draw. Her bottom lip trembled and her hand shook unsteadily as she pulled out the sharpest knife from the bunch.
She nodded silently telling herself that this was her only way to free herself from the horrible pain that dwelled inside of her. She tightened the grip on the silver handle of the knofe, as she pressed the shinny blade against her pale wrist, for a moment her reflection showen back against the gleaming silver of the blade, she looked closely and she realized the grief that was in her iced blue eyes.
Her heartbeat quickened as she slipped the knife roughly across her wrist seeing no signs of the crimson pain that would release her, she became enraged and began absent mindedly pressing the blade harder with each cut. As the pain began pouring from her a smile of relief tweaked the corners of her pale lips.
Her fingers loosened on the knife for a moment and then began tightening as the once relief changed quickly to fear. She began to realize this was not her only relief, her eyes filled with tears but she breathed deeply and fought them back. She could see all the faces, all her hate right infront of her eyes. She became weak and fell to the floor the knife held tightly in her hand. She felt er fingers twitch, as her crimson blood ran across her floor. She took in one last long deep breath.
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It was really sad to think that that girl had to take that sad way out in life; handle your problems before they handle you was what I was told, they say there are better ways to get out of depression but suicide in my mind isn’t the way to go no matter if those thoughts linger in my mind
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This was okay, but it needs more substancel; It would be a good start to a story.
The picture in my mind as I read this , was quite clear. Except for some errors in grammar, this was poignant and uneasy. On page 2 I would omit “of the knife.” It gives a better flow. Any insight as to what the hatred was all about? Any last memories?
I don’t understand why this piece of fiction is under “journalism”. Perhaps a non-fiction journal/memoir account of personal experience with suicide, either in the family or in yourself?
Anyhow, outside of journalism (that requires a who what when where and maybe even a why), I thought this piece read really well. I was interested in your character, and overall I liked it. However at one point you spelt ‘knife’ as “knofe”. There are a few more grammatical errors, but overall a nice short narrative.
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You have a very nice idea for a story line. You do want to make sure you stay true to the story. Also make sure to proofread and edit your writing before submitting. Overall, it was a good piece.
That was chilling, i found myself trembling and i could really visualise the reflection one would see in the knifes blade, thats really touching, and i found myself totally empathising, i loved how fear and anticipation turned to relief then fear once again, as she tried to cling onto life…to be understood i hope this is not reflection of anything ur feeling, suicide is never the answer…but its a nice portal into someones feelings, and i thank you for sharing, but i ask myself how much pain would it take to decided to take your own life
Wili there be more to this story? I am in the medical profession, and you need to knoe that cutting a cross your wrist will not cause a fatal injury. Now if you are going to cut all the way through, that is another situation.
“Piece by piece her feet traveling along the familiar pathway along the stairs as she began wondering what she was going to do once she got to her destination. Her body still shaking as she pulled open the draw her fingers feeling over the familiar knives that laid so perfectly in the draw.
She tightened the grip on the silver handle of the knofe(knife), as she pressed the shinny blade against her pale wrist, for a moment her reflection showen back against the gleaming silver of the blade, she looked closely and she realized the grief that was in her iced blue eyes. ”
These are run-on, read your writing out loud. This will help you see the run-on , as you start gasping for another breath.
What made her so upset at these people that she thought she needed to end her life? Did anyone try to reach out to her ? Did she ask for help and no one heard her?
In reality people who try to commit suicide are asking for help . They really don’t want to die.
Have you done any research on this topic? I see this is for journalism. I believe it may be too short. Check in to the requirement for this type of writing. I am most familiar with poetry, but I don’t mind reading other genre. Also consider using the catagory of being review by professional writers.I find their comments very helpful.
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