Poetry / Seize The Night (Analysis)

I really like this poem, the only qualm I have is in the third stanza where you use the word ‘gotta.’  It takes away from the professionalism and the impact of the poem, and shows poor grammar and mechanics.  Also, in the fifth stanza the line ‘I got the darkness in your heart’ sounds slightly awkward.  Overall, this is very good, I very much enjoyed reading it.  What do the words at the end mean?

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July 19, 2008

by TheDisturbedOne

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17	M	Liverpool, NY	March 09

in simple terms it means “come with me in to the dark, find sanctuary in the darkness”

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This poem is fun and reminded me of the summer I tried to become nocturnal, it didn’t work out too well trying to sleep in a attic in the summer during the day.

It makes me smile though, it seems silly, I hope that is the intent.

As far as improving it, some of the rhyming seems a little clique and there is a lot of repetition but I think for the tone of the poem it works.

The only thing that tripped me up in this was constant repetition of light and dark and truthfully you’re skilled that you didn’t have to do that because the first time you said it there was enough description in the first stanza to define exactly what it was you meant….in other news , I loved how you didn’t necessarily like all others personify dark as something evil or dangerous perse I gained more of a sensuous vibe while reading of the darkness and a desperado protecting the new found lover from being taken as anyone’s but there owns although I could be reading to deep but awesome the vibe to deep the way it pulled me in ridiculous much kudos only thing I’d be mindful of is unwanted redundancy and CAPS to emphasize your words are powerful enough to let the reader know this is yo be rang through your head! overall very indulgent

i can see this being a song.  sung perhaps by evanessence or some similar sounding group/person.  i really liked it.  it could have been a vampire, death, fear, despair…some many different things.  great job

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April 04, 2008

by TheDisturbedOne

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191	65.2% (66 votes)	26.1%

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17	M	Liverpool, NY	March 09

Thanks :)

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I think I felt very lost on this abstract piece. I could not get a real visual. I thought your word play was good. The balance was off, the tempo was off as well. I think you do have good writing talent worth shaping. I did not feel this piece was written with real creativity. I found it hard to stay interested, and focused. Some parts of this piece had a nice flow, while others just fell kind of flat. I don’t mean to sound as if I thought your piece was awful, not at all. I just think it needs some work. I think from your word play you have obvious crative talent, I feel you should just let it flow.

I like how you had rhyming ending lines. That’s always good in a poem. I thin that in the line “You gotta curse the day for it’s nothing but a merciless light”, you should spell out ‘got to’ instead of writing ‘gotta’. this is a good poem, I just don’t understand the last stanza. otherwise, good job!

Very well done. I liked this, it read more like lyrics to a song and flowed that way as well.

I think you’ve got a good grasp on meter, which is something I really appreciate.  If this is meant to be a song, then it’s probably good as is; if it’s meant to be strictly poetry, then I think that third stanza throws it off a bit.  Not that I don’t like unexpected twists! I just think those twists should be formed from profound content or subtle structure.  

However, the way you’ve laid this out screams LYRICS to me, so if you haven’t put it to music, maybe you should consider it…

I love this poem, and I think it would be fantastic as a song.  No changes needed! Good Work!