I am grateful you liked the story and yes there are several biblical references without actually referencing them. The point of the ending may have been more of a sermon than a story so I appologize for leaving you hanging. Again this is a biblical reference that all men shall be judged and stand before the throne of God regardless of their religious beliefs or life choices. I had wanted to take a sci fi concept of mastering time travel, which is an attempt at controlling our own lives, to show that you really can’t escape the innevitable. Maybe I am relying too much on presumption of the reader having a biblical understanding so I will take that to heart. Thank you for your review.
Sci Fi & Fantasy / Journeyman-8
“This is Journeyman-8 log entry day 92.” I sat back in my seat and tried to relax.
“It has now been over three months that I have been alone in this shuttle and I have traveled nearly 200 years into the future. For the first time in man’s history the speed of light has been broken and from what the readings on my control panel are telling me I should be able to see Earth in a matter of minutes. If this goes as planned I should be able to take the readings I need from Earth’s orbit and begin my journey home. Commencing de-acceleration”
I began looking over my sensors but something was wrong. The astronomic readings made no sense. None of the constellations are showing correctly. I’m reading Earth but nothing else is right. I’ll have to deal with this later. Earth is approaching.
Is that Earth? My God it looks like it’s glowing. There seems to be some sort of… aura, surrounding it. My readings don’t show any signs of radiation or contamination yet… I cannot make out any cloud cover whatsoever. Oh my God! There are no continents, just one large landmass. I will have to confirm this again once I have established orbit but this can’t be Earth.
“Beginning bio scans of the surface. I’m reading an atmosphere that would support life. That’s strange, the atmosphere has absolutely no contaminates. If there’s no pollution then there isn’t likely any civilization…wait…scratch that. I’m seeing in the center of the continent a brightly lit city. I am trying to bring a visual up on my viewer to confirm. Yes, it looks to be a city but I cannot get a close enough visual yet to confirm any inhabitants.”
“Journeyman-8 do you copy?”
Who…
“Journeyman-8 do you copy? Please reply.”
“This is Major Jason T Lewis of the Intercontinental Coalition. Who am I talking to?”
“We’ve been expecting you.”
“I asked who am I speaking to?”
“Major Lewis let’s just say I am responsible for bringing you home. You can call me Simon if that will help.”
My heart was racing in my chest. I was never trained for contact with another species on a distant planet but what really worried me was the fact he said that they had been waiting for me. None of this felt right as the knot in my stomach tightened.
“I want you to listen closely Major Lewis. Your craft is going to start a decent into our atmosphere and land at one of our…facilities. Please do not panic but you are about to loose control for approximately…25 minutes.”
The transmission went dead and just as he said, my craft started downward. I panicked. The Journeyman-8 was never created to reenter an atmosphere. I held on tight to my chair and awaited my death but it never came. After several minutes I realized that, whoever these people are, they had technology to keep me safe.
I stepped out of Journeyman-8 all the while hoping that they also had the technology to affect the pressure change in the capsule to their atmosphere. It looks that I was right. As I began surveying my surroundings I stumbled forward onto the landing platform. It was amazing. There were colors that I don’t think that I have ever seen before decorating the gardens that surrounded me. Plants and flowers of all kinds lined the endless walkways and mazes of buildings that I could see in the distance. The city was indescribable. I had never seen anything like it in my life. From what I could tell it was one large city that stretched for miles and everything shined so brightly that it was like seeing things clearly for the first time in my life. As if everything that I had seen prior in my life was somehow tainted or dulled in comparison.
My observations were interrupted as a large group of people approached. I had been expecting aliens like in a movie but instead they were human. The thirty or so of them looked to be from all nationalities and they were perfect. I don’t mean that they were all beautiful and attractive…well yes they were that…but it was as if they were without flaw. Something about them glowed like the planet did.
The man leading the group walked directly up to me with a huge smile on his face and grabbed my hand to shake it. “Welcome Major Lewis.”
I was still very apprehensive but there was something about everyone that was trustable.
I replied, “Thank you…Simon was it?”
One of the men behind him laughed and said, “Simon?”
Simon turned and said, “I didn’t know what to tell him at first John. Things must be very strange right now for him.”
The two men talked as if I wasn’t standing in front of them.
“Major Lewis,” John began saying as he stepped forward, “Let me introduce myself. I am John and this man here is better known as Simon Peter. Do you know where you are?”
I almost fainted! Breath Jason, breath I told myself! I surprised myself when I replied, “Heaven?”
They all started chuckling at what I said.
Peter replied, “No Jason. You are standing just outside of the New Jerusalem. You see you traveled so far into the future that you missed Armageddon, our Lord’s second coming and creation of the new Heavens and Earth.”
I didn’t understand what he was saying and my look of confusion begged for clarification.
John stepped closer and said, “Dear man you have come to the end of time itself. No more clocks, no more crimes, pain, suffering. You have missed much but today is your day. The day that we all faced, eternity.”
“What…do…you…mean?” I was trembling as a surge of awe and fear began to overwhelm me.
The crowd of people began to part and make a walkway between them and I could see a man walking toward me that shined brighter than the sun. As I fell to my knees I heard Peter say, “Today, Major Jason Lewis, is your Judgment Day.”
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Thinspread reviewed Version 1 -
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Interesting concept; I especially enjoy the combination of science and faith based religions. In terms of story and content, I discussed the atmosphere re- entry below; also, I would just be more descriptive in general. A good story has to let the reader inside the character; fear his fears and smile his smiles. It also has to show a change of some sort, or a choice, or some sort of transformation. This has all the right ingredients to do that; just expand! Why was Judgment day crucial for Jason himself? Especially expand on New Earth, make that dynamic and interactive and not so abbreviated.
Small stuff:
Watch your verb tenses, the first sentence in stanza three (I began looking…) goes from past to present progressive. It now seems to tend towards the present, but I would say keep it with past tense, it’s easier to read because it distinguishes between narrative (past) and log entries (present).
The reference to a “distant planet” after Simon introduces himself needs to be clarified, as I was under the impression this was Earth. Maybe the readings were wrong and it isn’t Earth, but the reference is still confusing.
Not “decent;” “descent.”
Why did you skip the atmosphere re entry? That’s a key element of sci fi, and should be descriptive and harrowing! The jump from outer space to stepping out of the craft is far to brief. Expand for a page or two.
Ok now you’re really cheating: in writing, nothing is “indescribable.” Especially not a setting or anything else you can see with your eyes. : D
“I don’t mean that they were beautiful and attractive…but that they were without flaw.” What kind of flaws, if not physical? Character flaws? Flaws in judgment? How could Journeyman tell that?
Not “Breath, Jason, breath;” breathe.
Cool idea! Good luck!
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HairyMcLairy reviewed Version 1 -
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The piece holds attention, unfortunately I feel swindled out of an ending. I know it’s fantasy but the quasi-religious finale found it wanting in several regards.
I took it that there was some bible reference. Armageddon and The Second Coming notwithstanding, a further one that the creator has added possibly. I know a little of the book, but not a great deal. All the aforementioned links come from Revelations, and the character names of the groundcrew had namesake disciples. Possibly there is an additional parallel that I am failing to recognise in order to ‘get’ the conclusion.
The 90% that preceeded the end was fine, however. It was light and undemanding. The piece flowed, built curiousity and ensured a complete reading. A part at the beginning to administer any knowledge shortcomings of the reader would be welcome, at least by this reviewer. Enjoyed on the whole.
Tivarah reviewed Version 1 -
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I love it! I am a Christian and understand what it is about. Good writing, nice twist, great discriptions and, unlike lots of science fiction that I have read this is easy to read and understand. I love the idea that while he is out exploring space Christ returns and the end of the age is come. I also love the discription of the New Jerusalem from space (nice vantage point). One thing that bothered me;
something about everyone that was trustable- trustable? is that even a word? maybe try trustworthy or honest
So well done and keep writing!
southernbaroque reviewed Version 1 -
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An interesting concept, though it could be better with more thorough descriptions. Also there are some improper tense shifts in places that distract a bit and make the story a little hard to follow in places.
catluckey reviewed Version 1 -
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Oh, this is good. It’s beginning like a sci-fi thriller…things going wrong at the beginning. Who… “Journeyman-8 do you copy?” makes me turn to the next page…I’ve got to find out.
This glowing, perfection of the planet, city, and people are a mystery…keeps me intrigued. To say the least, you’re very descriptive, which I find attractive. I like how I am experiencing this through Major Lewis.
The expression or comparison: it was like seeing things clearly for the first time in my life. As if everything that I had seen prior in my life was somehow tainted or dulled in comparison. makes Major Lewis more alive in my eyes and what’s happening to him even more real. Love the expression.
WOW! You hit pay dirt! I mean if this short story isn’t a pay off, I don’t know what is. LOVED IT! The last phrase is perfect…“Today, Major Jason Lewis, is your Judgment Day.”
What paid off so well is by 3/4 way into the story, I suspected this was biblical…but kept wondering how in the world is this man accepted when salvation wasn’t mentioned in his backstory. But that “Judgment Day” told the story. Thanks for sharing this. Very, very sci-fi! Very, very Christian.
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