You are so right about the presence of HE in the poem. Thanks for pointing that out. I plan to change the boogie to being IT.
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Poetry / Childhood Fears
He lived in the toy box
He lived under the bed
He lived in the closet
And under the shed
He lived in the basement
All musty and dark
He lived in the hallway
He lived in the park
He lived under the bushes
That grew by the fence
He lived in the woods
Where the trees were so dense
He lived in the attic
Where old trunks were kept
He was stealth and quite sneaky
He attacked when I slept
Dad would come to my rescue
When I was afraid
He would check out the closets
He would close all the shades
He would leave on a night light
Outside of my room
He swept under the bed
With mom’s old battered broom
He would hug me and tell me
I was big and so brave
Then he’d yell at the boogie
And make him behave
So tonight I was called
To my little ones room
I smile as I walk in
Braving boogies that loom
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carmenalegria reviewed Version 1 -
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I loved this piece.
I think it would be great if you could put together a book of such poetry. It speaks so subtly of growing up and conquering your fears to be the kind of parent you need to be for your kids.
I loved it, from start to finish.
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mysticmyst reviewed Version 1 -
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I thought it was very entetaining, but I thought the word he was over used.
lluuiiissaa reviewed Version 1 -
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absolutely adorable. the flow and beat was perfect and the content was precious.
Dark_Child89 reviewed Version 1 -
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awwww it’s sooo cutee omgg
Sup reviewed Version 1 -
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You have an excellent rhythem and the ending makes me smile.
la_la_landian reviewed Version 1 -
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the rhyme in the third stanza was awkward, I’d switch that around. other than that, a very cute poem.
CallmeJane reviewed Version 1 -
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I think that you showed well what it’s like for a child to be scared in the night, and want their parents to come and take care of the monsters. I think that this would make a better childrens story, then a poem. You should look into that. Good luck, and can’t wait to see this in print.
East reviewed Version 1 -
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Well, I really liked this one. Your rhythm and meter seem pretty much flawless. For some reason, the third line on the last stanza seems awkward to me, but I can’t pin down why. This was incredibly heartwarming, and I don’t really have anything bad to say about it.
BeautifullyxChaoticxMess reviewed Version 1 -
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This is so cute and very well written, I would love to see it in a collection of children’s poems one day.
aphroditemine reviewed Version 1 -
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For a collection of childrens poems this would be perfect, however it sounds a little to juvenile to stand on its own. I think the sing-songy rhyme works for keeping the reader at ease.
One point of confusion: The he is used in the penultimate stanza to represent the father, but because until then ‘he’ had meant the ‘boogie’ the two become conflated, perhaps creating a darker meaning or interpretation for the poem.
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